Stepkids hygiene or lack thereof
I'm dating a man with 2 boys ages 8 and 10. They are really really nice kids, but that said, their lack of hygiene and table manners is driving me crazy! The younger one picks his nose constantly and I have found the evidence on my furniture. :/. Neither boy will wash their hands after using the bathroom, even #2, unless reminded and then we also have to remind them to use soap. Their table manners are so bad I am embarrassed to go in a restaurant with them. The 8 year old actually licked the ketchup bottle and has also picked up his plate and licked it. I am definitely way more germ conscious then their father and I have asked him repeatedly to get them to wash, and he does, but its an effort every. single. time. Am I being unreasonable or what can I expect here?
Don't expect anything and you
Don't expect anything and you will never be disappointed.
My skids are the same way. No hygiene at all! They come over wearing the same clothes they go back in... and that could be a whole week!
They also do not wash their hands after using the bathroom. In fact, I am lucky if the boys even get their pee IN the toilet.
And the girl? You would think she, being girly and all, would want to be clean. NOPE! Never showers or takes baths... never washes her hair and oh my does it stink!!!!
They don't ever brush their teeth! And that's a big one with me. My dad made me brush my teeth everyday and the reason he beat into me brushing my teeth was because he grew up poor... and ended up losing many of his teeth at a young age. So he has had dentures for practically his entire life. My SD8 when she was just 5 or maybe 6 had 6 cavities and a root canal at one particular dentist visit. But you know her BM is not worried about that because DH and I carry the insurance on her and what it doesn't pay, Medicaid does.
It's a wonder that she didn't try to get Medicaid to pay for her tummy tuck and boob job!
So, no, you are not being unreasonable but if you try to fight your boyfriend on this, you will probably lose... these men get very defensive about their precious brats... I mean, children.
Good grief! We could be
Good grief! We could be stepparent twins! Same thing with the teeth here. The little one has all caps in back cause BM is just is too lazy to make them brush. And the clothes!!!!! They will be in the same thing, even the same socks which will be black on the bottom, when they come back and I know that means that haven't showered. :/ I am a little on the OCD clean side, but I don't think I'm being unreasonable and I feel like I have to clean the whole house every time they leave. Are you resentful of it or just dealing with it? I feel like such a nag, but I am losing my mind.
My skid is with us 7 days
My skid is with us 7 days on/7 off. I actually don't work every other Monday so that I can thouroughly disinfect my house. Really. No kidding. It drives me insane. I can't even ask the skid to set the table because I don't want her potty-fingers on the dishes I am about to use. Door knobs, water faucets, handrails, arms of the couches...yeah. I feel ya'.
If your Dh is anything like mine, he wont to anything. Unfortunately, when these "parents" potty train their kids, they leave out the last step-the handwahing. How do you leave out the handwashing. Just be glad you don't have a sD!! Oh what fun it will be when she gets her period.
Same thing here. They are
Same thing here. They are all PASed out now, but I have memories of wipe, flush and wash optional (actually it NEVER happened--nothing like seeing a turd floating in the bowl with no toilet paper)
Washing hands?? NEVER!
Eating off the plate with no hands/utensils like a pie eating contest with hands behind their backs? Yep. In fact they told me they had a "corn on the cob eating contest" at the BM's (the whole oversized happy family with stepdaddy, the three angels and the BM)
Taking a swig from a gallon sized jug and using it as a personal canteen? Yep!
Brushing teeth??!! HA!! The BM slapped them all in cosmetic orthodonture the NANOSECOND they all turned eight. I think I saw a chicken wing hanging from oldest SS's braces when he was nine. Today, SD now stb 15's teeth are yellow and NASTY as are the youngest SS's teeth.
Bathing/showering? Yeah right. Youngest SS would actually just walk into the shower, squat down and play with the water going down the drain for a solid 25 minutes. No soap, no shampoo, NOTHING!
((((SHUDDER)))) giving me FLASHBACKS here!
My DH's "kids" are 20, 21,
My DH's "kids" are 20, 21, and 24. I don't know how the 21 year old's girlfriend can stand being near him. They are all gross. My DH is very clean, but BM is a mess. They still all live with her. It is nasty. I think if the kids are younger they can still be taught, but once they get older, it is harder. They need to understand what they look like and how they smell. I have worked with kids who had issues and we were able to get them to see the light-not an easy conversation. It seemed a lot of parents did not seem concerned, though.
It's just bizarre to me that
It's just bizarre to me that people don't mind being so unclean. And how does he keep a girlfriend???
Have not met her, but she is
Have not met her, but she is probably just as gross too. Or she has no sense of smell. It is weird, huh?
I've stopped washing SD7's
I've stopped washing SD7's clothes with anything else since the day I opened the washer when it was done and there as a huge turd in the lint catcher thing. I screamed a little lol and later SO asked me if there was something nasty in the wash. This happened shortly after they moved in so I think he suspected...kid still poops her pants sometimes, the least she could do is ask dad to help when it happens. Wish he'd warned me ahead of time to check her clothes before throwing them in the wash! EWWW.
As for table manners, my son gets the evil eye from my SO for not using his fork when he eats french fries or fried chicken, but precious is allowed to eat spaghetti with her hands, and smears food all over her face when she eats. She more licks things to death than bites them. DS got upset the other night because it was making him sick watching her, I finally moved their seating around where he doesn't look directly at her at meal times. I'm not going to ask her to improve her manners anymore, I'm sick of the double standard. It's daddy job now. So is showering, which only happens about once a week. Not my problem anymore
One more thing.....especially
One more thing.....especially with the difference between how he treats his daughter and your son. How do you deal with it? I think I would be resentful all the time.
Lol yeah the turd in the wash
Lol yeah the turd in the wash thing was pretty over the top. She has problems with-holding bowel movements, constipation etc.... sorry, I know, TMI but anyway...its probably because she hates fruit and veg (just like BM)Her doctor wanted her on medication temporarily to fix the problem, the hope being her system would go back to normal but without her eating more fiber it's not likely to get better. I knew about those issues but I didn't realize until after this incident she also poo's her pants regularly :O Kinda sad, really, she's in first grade. SO has been washing her clothes since then, I think he was embarrassed about it.
I dunno hon, I think the booger thing would drive me round the bend as much as a turd in the wash. I'd be pretty freaked out to find boogers on my leather sofa lol.
I think part of the difference in how he treats the kids is because of their difference in age. SD just turned 7 recently, DS will be 15 soon. I do expect DS to have good table manners, and it was a hard road teaching him (he has Aspergers, problems with fine motor skills but has done pretty well I reckon.) The thing is I consider french fries and fried chicken something acceptable to eat with your fingers. It's just how SO was raised that he uses fork and knife with stuff I consider finger food, his parents are pretty freaking snobby about things like that. I've tried to explain I consider that just a difference of opinion and not something to reprimand my son over and SO has eased off saying anything to DS about it, but it's still obvious he doesn't approve from the look on his face.
He seems to think his daughter has good table manners, it's odd the way he just doesn't seem to notice when she does stuff like that. In fact the night my son got upset about the spaghetti SO got mad at my SON for being rude. That was around the time I started putting my foot down about things here at home and I ended up having to defend my son and say YES she's slurping spaghetti out of her hands and smearing it all over her face, honey, I don't think she should be doing that at her age either. And said even *I* find it hard to eat when she does stuff like that. Ashamed I didn't do that sooner tbh.
YES I AM resentful about this sort of thing, and basically that's why I'm here! I'm seriously considering calling this show off if things don't get better, and fast.
I hear you completely. I
I hear you completely. I just found this site yesterday as I was googling "what age does a boy quit picking his nose." Lol!!! The SO just doesn't see it as a big deal. When I was typing this last night SS8 came out of the bathroom and I hadn't heard the water turn on so I know he didn't wash. I sent him back in and he's out 2 seconds later. I said "did you use soap?" And he went back in again. I just don't get it! Do you seriously need me to tell you that every damn time??? And when I said "It really doesn't work if you don't use soap" his response was "I know." Then why the HELL don't you use soap after taking a dump in my toilet????! And they are always wanting to play games on my cell phone but it grosses me out too much to let them touch it so I've started to hide it.
If they were here more than they are I don't think I could do it. And that is sad about your stepdaughter but I get so frustrated when I hear about kids who have these kind of problems because they won't each anything but meat, bread, and cheese. It's really gross.
Oh no. The wash story is the
Oh no. The wash story is the worst thing I've ever heard!!! It makes me feel better about just a couple of boogers on my furniture.:) Really though, does it cause a ton of problems between you? The table manners alone would make me reconsider dating him! I couldn't eat!!--although I guess that would be a great weight loss plan.
Isn't that the truth! The
Isn't that the truth! The everyday stuff can be exhausting. We are much much better when the skids aren't over. :/
:::raises hand:::: I too have
:::raises hand:::: I too have skids with terrible hygiene problems. The various schools have put it in writing more than once. I walked out of a restaurant once after SD was overstuffing her mouth with pizza and pulling out food again to make room to chew (with her mouth open) repeatedly. I'm known to get up from the table quietly and leave until they are done if they're gross and I will get out of the car if we're going somewhere and I get in and can smell body odor or bad breath. BM will go for days without showering or changing her clothes too. We have to sniff them when they come in and nearly every time one or two need to go immediately to the shower. At this point, they often come in and before they're smelled they say they know they smell and head to the bathroom. They're not even embarrassed. SD will wear one pad all weekend and never change her panties all weekend during her period. It's horrible but they just don't care and we can't get through to them seeing as BM tells doesn't teach them anything.
I think I'd move out if I found a turd in the wash though. That might just break me. You're a stronger woman than I am. lol
Gross!! I just dread, dread,
Gross!! I just dread, dread, dread when SD starts her period. How does your SD not change her pad and not flood out all over everything she sits on? I'm so so dreading this. We've all probably been in restrooms where a woman has not had the decentcy to desretely stash her wrapped up used pad in the trash, so there it is all gross right in plain sight. Ugh! That happens at my house, there will be no trash can in the bathroom. Actually, there isn't one in there now b/c SD put her poopy tiolet paper in there instead of flushing, so I threw the entire trash can away!
I didn't ask, but figure she
I didn't ask, but figure she was at the end the few times we caught it. I know when they are that age, it can appear unexpectedly and they're going to stain underwear, but all her underwear is stained. I've had the "don't wear good underwear, wear clean stained underwear during your period so you don't ruin more" discussion more than once to no avail. She won't let her Dad or I wash her clothes when she's here anymore because that's how we figured out what was going on and he let's her get away with it. I've given up trying to convince him that the kids obviously know he's going to confront them and if they're changing their clothes, they'll let him do the wash as their Mom makes them do their own. They're learning how to lie and cheat rather than practicing good (or even passable) hygiene.
Oh holy crap...this is
Oh holy crap...this is EXACTLY something I could see my SD doing. It's almost like she LIKES being dirty.??? Like there is something psychologically wrong with her. She's an A and B student, so it's not that she doesn't know better, and God knows I was on her for at least the first 3 years about her hygiene...Even when she 'takes a shower' now, she doesn't use a wash cloth or a lupha or anything and when she gets out, she smells like a wet dog. I can only imagine the smell she will have with her period, like rotting corpse. I'm going to puke a lot probably...
My SS9 is very nasty, I have
My SS9 is very nasty, I have to stay on him all the time about wiping his bottom after #2, washing his hands after the restroom. He comes every weekend and I believe on the weekends is the first time he has taken a bath since he left my home the last weekend. His feet smell so bad it's hard to be in the car on the way home. I know for a fact that he only brushes his teeth on the weekend cause he says I never brush at BM she doesn't make me. He wipes his mouth on his arms when he eats not his sleeves his bare arms. It is very shameful to take him out in public cause of how nasty he is, when he's with me he is always dressed nice but he just always appears nasty ( maybe just to me cause I know how nasty he is.)
My skids are bad too, but I
My skids are bad too, but I do have a bit of advice on the foot odor thing. Buy a can of Aarid spray or another spray deodorant and have him use it on his feet before he puts his socks on. SS13's podiatrist told us about this and it works. He only does it when he's with us, but at least I can take a little comfort in knowing he knows it helps. Some day when the kids at school complain in the locker room, maybe he'll shape up at BM's house with this.
Oh thank you so much for that
Oh thank you so much for that advice I was wondering if there was anything to help cause it doesn't matter how many times I make him wash them they always seem to still stink THANK YOU!!!
Oh...Skid7 is soooooo nasty!
Oh...Skid7 is soooooo nasty! He reeked up the bathroom today then went around touching everything. .opened the fridge...got some juice and all. His did asked if he cleaned himself properly and he said yes...then he asked if he washed his hands and he said
No. Omg....now I gotta spray eveverything he touched with his poopy hands. Girl let me tell you...run while you can..I've been telling my step kid to wash his hands with soap every single time for the past 2 years and the one time I don't. ..he doesn't wash his hands....he doesn't care....then he goes putting his hands on my baby....fuck this bullshit...this kid make my home so dirty ..it's like a zoo when he's here. If you're not married. ..don't get married ever...living lonely is better than living in love but miserable. ..the honeymoon faze always goes away and then you'll be like why the hell I'm I wasting my time putting up with these totally nasty creatures who give me nothing but a migraine and make my stomach turn.
My SD10's habits are awful.
My SD10's habits are awful. Doesn't wash hands after bathroom EVER. Doesn't brush teeth and lies to m spouse about it. One time I was spying on her and she had the electric toothbrush up in the air waiving it around like a banner. She doesn't wipe correctly and my spouse pities her for having bad luck with infections. Hello? She picks her nose and eats it. My spouse does not believe that. She never brushes her hair. Can't bathe on her own ( my spouse has to do it). She is 10 going on 4. It is disgusting. My spouse is squeaky clean. How does this happen that a clean parent raises a dirty kid?