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Hand washing

tortilla's picture

When I first lived with SS11 and SS14, they didn't wash their hands after using the bathroom. This is obviously disgusting and a dealbreaker for me, so I told BF he needs to make them do it. It's been a slow improvement because they're with their mom 50/50, and she does nothing whatsoever to enforce hygiene rules (or discipline for that matter). 

I get it, they're kids, it's a habit to get into after not doing it for so long, they're ADHD, they have issues, whatever. But are you fucking kidding me? They're fucking 11 and 14. 

They'll rinse their hands for literally two seconds, and we have to tell them to actually wash their hands and use soap. I feel gross and uncomfortable when they're here. 

BF says he'll get on them about it, and it improves for a week, then it starts over again and again. BF doesn't know what to do and neither do I. If they were still, you know, toddlers, because toddlers have this issue, I think we'd have a chance of correcting it. Is there any hope of it now?

Cover1W's picture

Same here, SDs were 7 and 9.

I had a hard stop on this too. Luckily DH supported this. Each and every time sent back to really wash if they hadn't. We also at one point had them wash their hands in the kitchen to verify.

YSD would get liquid soap in her dry hands then rinse it off under the faucet. WtH? No. Do it again.

It's exhausting but keep at it. We only have to remind YSD now and then at this point...6 years later. Yes, still reminding.

tortilla's picture

6 years later... oh man. That really sucks. I hope that someday I can trust them, but probably not gonna happen.

I feel like if we have to remind them at all... then I doubt they're washing when we're not here. Just today SS11 rinsed for two sec and I had to remind him. He said he didn't know I was home and that he's sorry. I said whether I'm home or not he needs to wash... I'm so frustrated and feeling hopeless. How do people raise kids like this

Rags's picture

These kids are long past old enough to wash their damned hands after they use the toilet.  smh

Bad

This isn't complicated. DH saying he will get on them about it is BS and is likely just paying lip service to get past your bringing it up..... yet again.

If he was going to fix it, it would be fixed and his nasty germ ridden spawn would not be nasty or germ ridden.  They would wash their hands with soap and water after each trip to the  loo.

Time to play the "don't tell me, show me" card regarding his willful failure to address his children not washing their damned hands.

Ugh....

We did not have the hand washing issue with SS when he was at the ages your SKids are.  He was usually very diligent about washing his hands after using the toilet.  We had an effective bathing issue.  The kid showered all of the time, he never had BO once he was old enough to bathe himself.  His pits always smelled clean as did his bod.  The problem was that his head smelled like mangy wet dog.  We had taught him to bathe and had monitored him doing it to make sure he got the process down.  

When mangy wet dog head had been going on for a while and we and he were frustrated over repeatedly sending him back in to shower and wash his hair "I WASH MY HAIR ALL OF THE TIME!!!!" I finally had him put on swim trunks and shower in front of me.  There was the origin of one of our classic laugh our asses off raising the kid stories.  I watched him.  He he grabbed his shampoo bottle, turns it upside down over his head, squeezes and scrubs his hair vigorously.  I just stood their watching and trying not to LMAO. He rinses his hair, grabs the bottle of body wash squirts it in his hand and lathers up. He repeats that process while scrubbing every inch of his body paying particular attention to his arm pits and crotch area but doing a good job over his whole body.  He rinses off, climbs out of his shower, dries off, dries his hair with a towel and ... his head still smells like a wed mangy dog.  So I have him dry his hair with a hair dryer. As the hot air dries his hair the entire bathroom smells like wet mangy dog. He changed his towels a few times each week and they were laundered regularly so they never got saturated with eu de funky wet mangy dog.  

I asked him what the smell was as he used the blow dryer.  He was grossed out by the smell. I told him it was his head.  Then I had him grab his bottle of shampoo out of the shower and squirt shampoo in his hand over the sink.... nothing. The shampoo bottle was bone dry empty.  We had shown him how to put the shampoo in his hand before rubbing it into his head. When he was young he would  just turn it upsidedown and squirt it on his head using so much shampoo that he looked like the StayPuff marshmallow man covered in billows of suds.  He had a blast with this when he was a young kid.  It was one of our things when we were bathing him.  We thought we had broken him of that young kid habbit as he got older.  Nope. When he reached an age where we were confident he could bathe well without supervision.... apparently the upside down shampoo bottle over the head method restarted.  

It took him smelling his nasty mangy wet dog head as a teen for the point to sink in.  He would regularly put Body Wash on the shopping list. We never noticed that it had been months since he had put Shampoo on the shopping list.

We will occassionally bring up the wet mangy dog hair adventure with him when he is getting too cocky for his own good.  He is a wonderful man, but... upon occassion we have to give him crap... for our own entertainment and to let a little wind out of his very cocky sails. He and his mom do the same thing with me upon occassion. It is a give each other crap banter thing.

Acute

Winterglow's picture

They don't wash their hands? Good grief, haven't they (or their parents) ever heard of COVID?! 

Survivingstephell's picture

I had announce dinner was ready, go wash your hands and in the beginning we held inspections.  I always had smelly soap  so we could smell it and they had to be clean up to the wrists.  Fortunately DH was good about this and backed me up.  Still didn't explain the dirty walls but at least it was safe to eat dinner.  

Rags's picture

Lol.

Mky0005's picture

My 15 year Old stepdaughter still does not wash her hands. She also skips showers, does not wash her face and has horrible acne, has constant body odor bad enough to take over a room or car , and the other day I found a bloody maxi pad stuck on a pair of underwear on the bathroom floor. I'm about to lose my freaking mind. I keep reminding her of all of these things but nothing changes. I think she's got some serious mental issues

Rags's picture

Do not tolerate her presence unless she is clean and non odiferous.

Just tell her and her dad NO! when she is in proximity to you while perpetrating a lack of hygiene.  Don't be her nasally assaulted victim.

She will not be allowed in  your home unless she is clean. Ditto for your cars, ditto for accompanying you in public, etc, etc, etc....

When she leaves the nasty panties on the bathroom floor, put them on her pillow, bloody pad and all.  

Zero tolerance and humiliation work in modifying behavior.  Use them.

 

Mky0005's picture

I like the idea of putting it on her pillow! I worry the dogs will eat it and get an obstruction or the baby will find it. :/ it's RIDICULOUS I'm even having to worry about this w a 15 yr old!!!!

Mky0005's picture

You're gonna laugh until you cry about this… My nasty stepdaughter that leaves the bloody pads everywhere… I found her journal open on her dresser and so I glanced at it… Apparently she now likes a boy… I'm thinking really? You might want to try washing your face and changing your pad and washing your body so you don't smell and look like a warthog

Mommyneedshelp's picture

LOL. My 2 year old asks to wash her hands before meals because it's a routine. My two stepkids, 11 and 15, had this " non handwashing" issue too. Never mind the CDC, Covid, etc...

I did two things.

1. I stopped cooking meals for a few days. My husband was p***ed because he hates cooking. I said: "you know what? I don't want to touch dishes or anything in the kitchen" because I think it's gross the kids are in there touching everything with dirty hands" He got on them for washing their hands going forward.

2. Everytime I saw either of them touch anything with out washing first, I handed them the 409 and a papertowel and asked them to wipe down everything they touched. 

They wash up now.

 

Stepdrama2020's picture

You would think with covid and all that washing hands has become second nature to EVERYONE! Not washing after using the toilet is gross. 

 

 

Rags's picture

Any time I am in a public washroom and someone does their business then walks out without washing their hands I feel like an alarm should sound and a spotlight should follow them around the store.

Ugh...

Guilfoyle's picture

I have two step children, one ss15 and sd13 

they both have adhd and wash there hands after using the bathroom. It's simply personal hygiene 

Maggie86's picture

its discusting and issue at my house also, we have to tell the almost 16 yr old to not pee on the seat or floor, flush the toilet and wash his hands and brush his teeth. I honeslty sometimes check hes wiped his bum lol he also likes to bite off his nails and leave them on the floor. I feel like i need to disinfect the house when he has been. Its all clearly habits and he is as lazy as can be he always smells but small part of me thinks he will never get  girlfried if he is a complete tramp so i dont have to worry about been cause step-nana anytime soon. EVERYONE complains to him but he knows best.

Updraft88's picture

For five years now, I'm still having to remind my 16-year-old SS to wash his hands, when he comes  home from school or the gym etc. he still has sleepovers with his male friends at 16 and I constantly have to make sure he washes his hands because the kid brings illness into the house very easily.. just recently a month ago he brought a cold into the house saying he caught it from one of his friends, so I made him get tested for Covid just to be sure even though he had his vaccinations there are variants out there. Not sure why the skid doesn't like doing it even after drilling it into his thick skull for five years?  Hand washing sure does reduce the amounts of germs being traded. I wonder why DH and BM never taught their DS about hand washing and general hygiene from an early age. I shouldn't have to teach a teen...

Rags's picture

Dawn Dish Soap, a garden hose, and a scrub brush in the back yard.

It if works for rescuing oil soaked water fowl and sea otters, it will work for a stanky SKid who insists on an olfactory assault on the family and the rest of society.

They can drip dry on the back porch.  

smh

In Military school a shower party was the mode of correction for young New Cadets who needed clarity on hygiene after they were onboarded.  A shower party was also the celebratory method to recognize birthdays but they were two very different experiences.

Arsanc's picture

I feel your pain...SS will go to bathroom, pet the dog, pet the cat, and then eat his sandwich...while scratching his bare feet.  So gross....

CH9341's picture

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks like this! My skids (SS especially) NEVER wash their hands! I've asked DH to help several times that they need to wash their hands, especially after the bathroom, and I've asked that the kids wash their hands before supper. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. They always says they do, but there's never water running. Like, we know. And DH does nothing to inforce it. He just asks did you wash your hands. And of course they say yes, and that's it. Disgusting! I'm so uncomfortable in my own house!