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Teenagers and the internet

lorlors's picture

Submitted by lorlors on Thu, 10/26/2017 - 6:03pm

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So because BM is a lunatic, the skids have now moved in with us. Full time. Permanently. They don't see that crazy bag of shit now at all and I don't blame them.

Because the skids are datahogs, DH and I can't watch a show on Netflix without it buffering and going slow. We got them to order their own WIFI and changed the password on ours so it isn't overloaded. Is it mean to make SS17 and SD15 pay for their own WIFI themselves?

strugglingSM's picture

Submitted by strugglingSM on Thu, 10/26/2017 - 7:13pm

I don't think it's mean if they are using so much other people in the house can't use it. Assuming it's not astronomical, it seems like a good opportunity to teach them that you have to pay for things you like, like wifi.

lieutenant_dad's picture

Submitted by lieutenant_dad on Fri, 10/27/2017 - 5:18am

I think a choice should have been given:

After 8pm, no one uses the internet except for the adults

OR

You two can purchase your own monthly plan and pay for it if you want 24/7 access.

I don't think it's fair to go out and get them a second line without their input and then telling them they need to pay for it. If BM was neglectful, it could be that they use the internet as a coping mechanism or BM pushed for them to be on it to keep them out of her hair. They may truly not realize how to curb their behavior or realize how much of a problem their behavior is.

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Fri, 10/27/2017 - 1:00pm

In our home.. the person who pays for something gets to control it. That would mean that when the adults want to watch a netflix show or use the internet that they pay for.. whelp.. that means kids need to log off.

I wouldn't necessarily be asking the kids to pay for their own line unless the family decision was that they wanted to do that so that they could use whatever bandwidth they felt they needed.

We made my SD's pay for their own car insurance so the precedent is there for kids to have to pay for something they may want.

I don't think it's too unusual for families to run up against data streaming limits during peak times when everyone is trying to use it.

Again, either cut off their access or let them pay for the upgrade.

marblefawn's picture

Submitted by marblefawn on Fri, 10/27/2017 - 1:20pm

That is crazy. It's much cheaper to set some limits - after all, they are children. Children don't NEED that much data, regardless of what society tells parents. Let them use the wifi after school until dinner. After dinner, they should be doing homework - none of which should require so much data that you can't watch Netflix. Maybe it's time to upgrade the speed of your internet, which will help the buffering. But TWO plans for FOUR people? That is not a middle class standard - that's ridiculous no matter who's paying for it. It's a substitute for parenting, which I get in your case - they aren't your kids. But dad need to set some reasonable rules and kids need to follow. They won't like it, but I hated that I didn't have my own room until I was 15.
I'm just saying, making them pay for it is beside the point that it's ridiculous and all because no one wants to be a parent and set rules. And anyway, if they're getting enough allowance to pay for their own wifi, why don't they just get their own house?

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Submitted by Dontfeedthetrolls on Fri, 10/27/2017 - 5:28pm

I can't imagine how much data they have to be using or how horrible your internet is to be causing this problem.

I'd look at the option of improving your plan before anything else. Yes maybe have them pay for the difference.

For reference. Me and SO have a 50 MBPS cable modem plan. We both can run our phones and tablets which both TV's on running either Netflix and or video games. So that's up to 6 things all at one time pulling from it and no issue at all. Now this cost us a little more then we'd like BUT on the lower plan we'd max out at like 2 things so for us it's worth it to pay an extra 20 a month. If we tried to have a separate plan it would cost at least 45 once you pay for the plan and the hardware and we'd still only get 4 things between the two lower plans. So less over all for 90 vs. the better plan that's only 15 more then the lower plan and gives us what we want.

My mom recently switched to another company completely. Her internet SUCKS. Even though it's suppose to be this amazing plan she gets kicked off around the time school lets out every day. She doesn't really have a low speed limit but it's through Ethernet which just sucks.

So yeah not saying don't limit, not saying don't make them pay, but also look at the plan your using. Yes having them moved in changed your 'needs'. You guys decide what that means and how you want to divvy it up.

lorlors's picture

Submitted by lorlors on Fri, 10/27/2017 - 9:05pm

We tried the 'you guys need to be off the internet at certain times' approach and it simply does not work at all. They just say 'yeah, we are off it' then jump off it for 5 minutes then go straight back on it once we are downstairs. We have physically removed their phones and laptops from them many times so they CANNOT get on the internet. The issue with that is logistics- every time we want to watch some TV I don't want to have to round up laptops and iphones.

Regarding speed, we live in Australia and it is notoriously slow compared to Europe (where I am from). I checked with the internet provider and we are on the fastest plan possible. The only real option I felt we had left was to get them to pay for their own service given they cannot abide by the house rules to stay off it at certain times.

Stepkids- I could write a book on the TRILLIONS of annoying things they do that put me in a near permanent state of annoyance. I am fully aware mine aren't as bad as some of the other stepkid guttersnipes you read about on here.

DH and I had a laugh when I described them as lodgers who don't pay rent, use all your stuff, eat all your food and just generally piss you off but because they are stepkids you can't ask the blighters to move out LOL. That led to another discussion between DH and I as to what age they will be forced to move out of home. He said 20, I said nope, 19 years old is my outer limit and that I would 100% struggle to have them living with me beyond that point as living with them permanently was not something I ever imagined would happen. Yet here we are.

My advice to anyone thinking about getting involved with a man with children would be to prepare for the fact you may get lumbered with the skids permanently.

Dogmom1321's picture

Submitted by Dogmom1321 on Fri, 10/16/2020 - 10:26am

We have an ORBI modem. There is an app that comes with it. You can see all devices that are connected and diable specific devices. From a flip of a switch on your phone, you'd be able to "turn off" the internet on their devices. I'd try this. 

Miss T's picture

Submitted by Miss T on Fri, 10/16/2020 - 11:01am

Most ISPs allow user access to controls that can disable certain devices during certain times. Changing these settings is not as convenient as clickable controls on a phone would be, but it is not difficult and you don't have to buy a new modem to do it. Your ISP will be able to tell you how to do this on your particular modem.

I agree with posters who say that kids do not need 24/7 access to WIFI. I will go farther and say that they should not have it. Kids running wild on the 'net are a nightmare, and I'm so sorry that you have to deal with it.