I am very afraid for my step children and I have no idea where to go from here. 

For the third time in three months, one of my step children has become physically ill at or around the time of when they are going back to their mothers. A month or so ago my perfectly healthy sd threw up all over my car on the way back to BM’s after a weekend of being perfectly healthy with us. Two weeks ago we found out my Ss threw up followed by my other sd after just one day of being in bm’s care...again after a week of being nothing but healthy with us. Tonight, after 9 days of Sd being with us without so much as a peep of sickness, my ss found her crying in bed and then she threw up all over her floor....again right before we are to take her to her moms first thing in the morning. My gut tells me that something is seriously wrong, and my DH agrees, but we have no idea what to do about it! 

I’ve posted here before but as a recap Bm’s home and life in general is incredibly dysfunctional and toxic. It would take me hours to list all that has happened but the short run down is that she lives in state of trauma...she wants to be a mom on paper, but in actuality is far to damaged herself to be able to care for anyone else. In the beginning she fought for primary residence and even moved to secure a majority share of custody, but since then she will use any excuse possible to get us to take the kids. She’s already become overwhelmed with one child that she couldn’t care for anymore and abandoned one day into our care. She lives with a man who is perpetually unemployed, and from what the kids have told us they have a volatile and codependent relationship. My oldest SK says that for the kids, life at bm’s house is constant circle of tension, mind games, and the kids being pitted against one another...all fighting for bm’s attention. 

CPS has been involved and assessed the situation at the insistence of a school teacher one of the kids confided in. They found that there wasn’t enough to act, but enough concern present that they would not close the file as anything other then inconclusive. We’ve consulted lawyers but they have told us that what has happened wouldn’t meet the threshold of warranting a change in primary residence because not much is provable. We’ve been advised by counsellors that putting the kids through another court battle could do more harm then good so we have considered telling bm to give us the children full time and we will continue to pay support as though they live with her, but financially we just can’t. 

Tomorrow we are booking an appointment with the family doctor the kids use to hopefully get some guidance but honestly I don’t think it’s going to yield much. Everyone seems content to just let the kids survive this, but I can’t help but feel like whatever is happening when they are there is not something any child should go through. I’m terrified for them, and for my DH because this is literally killing him. If anyone has any ideas I’m so open to hearing them, but thanks for listening too.