Things that worked?
I know most of us all come here to vent and get advise on what to do through the rough spots of step parenting. I am new here and have already become somewhat addicted. Its comforting to know that you are not alone in the world of other peoples children!
I was wondering what are some of the things that you have found that actually worked in bringing you together as a family or getting your partner to listen, even if its for a short period of treasured bliss!
So far I have found:
"Family Movie Night"
Everyone picks out a movie that they want to watch or the name of a movie to rent. They go into a box, shaken, and one gets drawn out. All phones, computers and such put away for the duration of the movie. Everyone takes a turn at picking out of the box.
Dinner Together:
We always have a sit down dinner and take turns asking what everyone did that day, while we eat dinner. We all stay and the table and talk until everyone has finished.
"Family Meetings"
This is new to us, but our first try really got the lines of communication opened up.
We all sat down at the table, with cookies and milk, and a "talk stick" a cute little paper towel roll that both the boys decorated, and who ever had the stick was able to talk about whatever they wanted, while everyone else quietly listen. That way if someone was having a problem with another family member they could talk to them about it while the other listened. And we all worked out some of the problems together as a group.
Dazed, I commend you for
Dazed, I commend you for having such an organized sense of what to do, and I think you are right on point with these set plans you've listed. It's all about maintaining a balance between your partner, your partner and their child, and the three of you as a united family. My girlfriend Angie and her son Jason have a "date night" once a week where just the two of them watch a movie together and then we have a "family movie night" we just implemented where we all watch a flick together. Angie and I too have our own weekly "date night" when we go to our favorite restaurant when Jason goes to his father's house. Sit-down dinners are extremely important and we do this every night. I usually cook about four nights a week and Angie cooks the other three. I like the "family meetings" idea, we have not done anything like that so far but it sounds excellent and something I will suggest to Angie. Sounds like you have a good handle on it all, and it sounds like things are going well in your household. Keep it up!
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...Courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."
Obvious, maybe
But never disagreeing about discipline in front of any of the children. Even if we disagree with how it's being handled, we back it up in front of the kids, then discuss it later, alone.
There used to be a problem with bio parent making plans with bio kid (we were both guilty of this) before mentioning anything to the other adult, then saying, "(kid's name) and I are going to go to the zoo, aquarium, beach, etc. Do you want to come?" It caused a lot of tension because it was exclusionary. Neither of us realized the problem when I was doing it, and then he did that for an entire weekend, and I caught on right away! I felt so left out, like I didn't even matter! And I felt so bad about having done the same thing, just didn't realize I had until he innocently enough made plans with his daughter in another room, then came and told me what they were doing, like I was an afterthought. We talked and decided the best strategy is talk to the other adult first, in private, before presenting ideas to kids. They don't know the difference, but we sure feel like more of a couple and a team because of this little twist.
Counseling, too. I can't recommend it enough. It saved our relationship as a couple, his father/daughter relationship, and made me a much more consistent, effective parent. Plus, when you sometimes just have to vent, you're paying them -- they HAVE to listen! And usually, they can help you figure out a way to deal with the situation without being so stressed.