tired of being treated this way
I'm at a birthday party for SO's cousin, with him, DD1.5 and DSS1.5 tonight. Thank god for smartphones and this site because I am so angry. We've been together since the kids were 8m. SO and I both discipline the kids, and are much stricter than is usually thought "acceptable" for their ages (but we have extremely happy and well behaved children).
The kids have been playing in the playroom at this party, and when we first got here SO told them the toys were to stay in the room. So after about 4 times DD had time out for not listening. DSS I allowed to take toys out a few more times to see if SO would give him his consequence because I prefer he disciplines in front of his judgemental family. He didn't, so I put DSS in time out. As usual, he cried. I got extremely dirty looks from SO's family, and then questioned by SO.
He then proceeded to allow his Aunt to scold me in front of my children and the rest of the family about letting the children do what they want. He didn't say a word while I got treated like a terrible person for enforcing HIS RULE! WTF?! So angry right now. Any advice on how to deal with this? It seems to be happening more and more lately.
OH, my ILs tried this with
OH, my ILs tried this with me. They ganged up on me and made a scene about how I am not SD's blood and I should not be disciplining her blah, blah, blah. How she is just a baby and I was awful. I, in no uncertain terms, told them that they don't live in my house or pay my bills and until they do, they don't get a vote, blood or not. Furthermore, I told them if they didn't like it, I'd refrain from visiting.
Fortunately for me, I know dh wouldn't visit without me so I had control of the situation. I think if I were you I'd refuse to visit his family with him if he isn't going to follow the house rules and stand as united front in front of his family.
Unfortunately, that isn't an
Unfortunately, that isn't an option for me. We had an issue with me refusing for my DD or I to go to another family party for the child of another Aunt. This woman has gotten violent in front of me and causes problems all the time, but I was told that if I can't get along with his family the I'm the puzzle piece that doesn't fit, and the piece that doesn't fit usually gets thrown away...
I would be the puzzle piece
I would be the puzzle piece that walked away.
Your SO and his family treat you like a child because you allow them to do so.
My SO is the one who said the
My SO is the one who said the thing about the puzzle piece, and if I were to say something myself it would only have turned into me "disrespecting" his family... apparently it's alright for his family to disrespect me though.
Wow .. you need to grow a
Wow .. you need to grow a back bone and stand up to him. No way he should be allowed to talk to you like that. If you don't stand up to him, and his family, they will always treat you like that. If you're not okay with it, the power to change is in your hands.
My inlaws are complete
My inlaws are complete a$$holes. I will not speak to them again until they apologize for the way they have judged and treated me. My DH is behind me 100% and even acknowledged the other night he needs to be more assertive about their behavior and assumptions. They called last week to tell my DH that they "were going to come up for the weekend, but plane tix were $500 so they decided not to". Well, had they shown up on my porch, I'd have shut the door in their faces! The nerve of them just assuming that we didn't have any plans and the fact that we've only talked once when I called his mother to tell her to stop being so mean to my husband whom I love and badmouthing me because over an iphone I can hear every nasty thing she says.
If you can't count on your husband to back you up with your inlaws and tell them to shove it in the most polite manner then why are you with him? Had my DH not had my back this last year +, our marriage would not have lasted more than 6 months. Perhaps your DH should see a counselor who specializes in relationships who can coach him on how to make it clear to his mother, father, sister, brother, aunt, whoever- that his now nuclear family (You, DH, 2 kids) are a unit. You are one. You have your own family rules and others either respect your rules as a family or do not get to participate in your family activities. We're by no mean there yet, but between counselors and my extremely supportive parents with good boundaries we are learning.
I'm so angry that the bf of
I'm so angry that the bf of mine for him to
Alow his kid to talk smack of me I try talking to him
Of the kid oh no heaven for bid if he puts his kid straight he
Thinks she won't speak to him ect please live to talk mor about
Wht to do
I agree- I misread this the
I agree- I misread this the first time I think.
Im not surprised you are
Im not surprised you are furious, I thought you were a family? Now your partner is treating you like a nanny who has overstepped her boundaries, ask him "are we a family"? He has treated you with a total lack of respect even worse in front of his family, if he is not satisfied with your parenting, maybe you should suggest that you disengage, you cannot let this go, it will drive you crazy, I would ask for an apology at the very least, he has admonished you in front of the skids, which is bad parenting, stick to your guns, make sure you get that apology and you need a discussion about appropriate behaviour, does he want you to leave the discipline to him now? If he had done that to me I would be spending the night else where, somewhere where I am treated with a modicum of respect.
Wondering which of you
Wondering which of you originated the idea of putting a baby on time out? That would affect how I felt about his family dynamic and his attitude and how it impacts on you.