I can't forgive him
When I had met my dp, he said to me that his family heirlooms that are passed down to the oldest boy would be going to any son that we have. He has a dd and a ds. Ds was a relationship saver by bm a trap basically but it didn't work, dp left when dss was born. Dp wasn't there at birth and has seem dss once a week since hes been born. Bm has longterm boyfriend who has been in dss life since he was 6 months old. Dp hasn't really been a real dad in terms of parenting due to seeing them once a week. Now dp has changed his mind and says he will have to give them to dss. Don't get me wrong its not dss fault that he was a trap but the relationship is very different. Were more.like a fun aunt and uncle. When we do eventually have kids, the relationship will be very different as obviously dp andI will be bringing our children up together. Itll be like hes giving his heirlooms to a nephew. I just feel its not right and angry and hurrlt by dp. I feel angry that a child that basically stops at our house once a week will be getting my dps family heirlooms over children dp will be bringing up and no doubt closer to.
Wait, you don't have kids
Wait, you don't have kids yet??? Why even worry about this? For all you know, you could end up with a house full of girls.
Oh i know disney, its just
Oh i know disney, its just the fact that he has changed his mind. Probably cos hes bonded with dss but still its like him taking away something that he said would be our sons (if we have one). My dp has his dc part time, one overnight a week since dsd was 1 and dss was born so he hasn't had the experience of bringing kids up really and i just don't think he'll realise how different the bond is.
Notasm - your right. The heirlooms are crap really and no use its just the principal.
If this is the thing you
If this is the thing you 'can't forgive him for' then you've got bigger troubles that heirlooms! You don't even have a child yet and hopefully DP is a long way off dying but you're in a crisis over who inherits the old stuff? Anything could happen in the next 30 odd years! DP and SS could become estranged, or develop a closer relationship, you could have no children, or girls, or boys that don't care about the old stuff. Or you could get divorced and DP could marry again and have more sons with another woman who thinks her children should have first refusal!
And in any case if the tradition is the first boy inherits, and that's what DP wants to happen then let him do it, it's petty and selfish to think you should have the final say on who he gets to leave his family heirlooms to.
Well not childish but overly
Well not childish but overly protective of your unborn children.
I'm not sure why he's not splitting it up anyway - among all his kids including the yet to be conceived. If it were all fishing rods sure give it to the boy but if its dishes leave it to the girls.
But frankly a lot of it will be unwanted as others have said. His new smart phone or car might cause a argument I suppose.
>If it were all fishing rods
>If it were all fishing rods sure give it to the boy but if its dishes leave it to the girls.
Yeah 'cause NO girls like to fish and NO boys are into decorating. Talk abut sexist.
THIS
THIS
Situations and relationships
Situations and relationships change a lot over the years, I would not worry about this. He could change his mind again. And then, again.
My husband has more of a father/daughter relationship with our niece than he does with either of his daughters, BUT they are his daughters.
Sorry, but you paint yourself
Sorry, but you paint yourself as a very greedy little girl. The heirlooms are his to give to whoever he wants and he can change his mind a thousand times if he wants to. Here you are planning to have a future and babies with him, and his death at the same time. Not nice. Hard to know if you want him dead or alive really.
Materialism is strong with
Materialism is strong with this one.
It's stuff! Who cares?!
Stuff can be replaced - relationships cannot.
The heirlooms would be worth
The heirlooms would be worth more than 20-50 pounds at the most so there not valuable. It is the principal i went into this relationship with him telling me any son that we have will get them amd then changed his mind. Who knows how close dp and dss will be? Dp will more of a dad to any children that we have as he will be be there every day and bringing them up, that is a fact. And he can't see his dc more cos he works unsociable hours and bm lives 25 mile away.
Why would any of that be an
Why would any of that be an issue? Who starts a relationship talking about what future kids will get when you die????
You sound very petty and childish.
You are worrying about DH's
You are worrying about DH's family heirlooms going to a child that you have not even had yet. Relax. This is currently a non issue. I would not let this be an issue since it clearly is not ... an issue.
IMHO of course.
The only time I think this
The only time I think this would be an issue is if the father says ALL his heirlooms go to one particular kid. Cripes, that's just setting the children up to hate each other and the mothers to freak out. He shouldn't have mentioned it in the first place because he's the one who created the damn issue in the first place--split them up evenly or something, we're not in the middle ages anymore. What about the SD? I feel sorry for HER if this is an issue of fathers favoring boys.
Look how China's population turned out with that mode of thinking.
I agree not sure. If anything
I agree not sure. If anything he's heirlooms should be going to dsd but dp says its the family tradition. And yes it was dp that brought the whole thing up. And yes
the only heirlooms are going to dss. I think its shocking and sexist. These heirlooms theres five of them but got a certificate of authenticity with all five so dp says they shouldn't be split up. Its not the eighteenth century and all of the children should have one each not all going to one child -a child he's never done any real parenting to - and the other ones get nothing.
Even if he's never done any
Even if he's never done any REAL parenting to his son, he's done FAR more parenting with him than he has with one who don't exist.
Honestly, I tend to agree that with a certificate of authenticity for the group, they should all stay together.
They're HIS family heirlooms.
They're HIS family heirlooms. HE gets to choose who gets them when he's gone. If he wants to leave HIS family heirlooms to the mailman, he has every right to do so. You don't get to make that decision, & he is entitled to change his mind as many times as he wants to without your approval.
How are you angry & hurt by him choosing who he will leave HIS families property to?
Seriously, you're angry & hurt because he isn't leaving his stuff to a non-existent child, to the point where you "can't forgive him"!?
Once a week is more often than a lot of parents see their kids. Many parents see their kids twice in a month. Some, not even that. At once a week, certainly his child is no stranger to him. He isn't some long-lost kid, & CERTAINLY he's more deserving of family heirlooms than a child who doesn't exist.
This is so crazy!
It sounds like something from
It sounds like something from the bible. First born son shall rule the earth! Or at least get grandma's salt and pepper shaker?
It doesn't matter how much
It doesn't matter how much parenting you think he's done. He doesn't have to sign off on having spent enough time with SS to leave him an inheritance, he's his Dad. He can't be 'more of a Dad' to your children, he can spend more time with them but it doesn't increase the relative proportion of his DNA. If anything SS deserves those heirlooms as some tiny compensation for having had so little time with his father.