Not at all are you over reacting, I got creeped out just reading this And the fact that he would just jump to that conclusion, WTF?! Of course, I don't know the whole story and he could just come from a very affectionate family. Maybe stick a nanny cam in there if your gut is really telling you something is wrong with the situation. Especially if he is closing the door....

No. Tell your BF that his daughter's dress style and behaviour will give men the wrong idea about her. And the next time he goes in to tuck her in, interrupt him and ask him if he wants icecream or something. If something inappropriate is going on, just excuse yourself from the room. Tomorrow, pack and move out.

Something isn't right. Either he is molesting her or it is mutual incest or he is at the very LEAST allowing her adult status which means there will never be room for you.

If he says he needs private time with his daughter this means that he isn't ready for a woman to share his life.

Why is he shutting the door?

Ewwww....that is just gross!! I have 2 skids that are SD10 & SS11 and we don't tuck them in at night!! We say goodnight to them and they go to their rooms!! My SD might hug my DH but that is few and far between!! There is something not right about that!

The bed time thing, no idea. The dressing thing... Here's my story. My dh never noticed sd13 dressing similarly to your. When I confronted him, he told me since she started developing (she began very early), he was very uncomfortable even looking. So the shirt of it is, he really had an aversion to looking at her more than a glance. Since I have pointed out these things, he has now put a stop to the see through clothing, shorty shorts, etc.

Well, I'll be the unpopular voice here.
Being "developed" doesn't mean anything necessarily.

I actually think it's pretty great that this teenage girl has a good relationship with her father. They probably spend that whopping 10-15 minutes chatting about the day or whatever before she goes to bed.

I truly don't understand why GFs/SOs get all jealous and their panties bunched up when a father actually LIKES and spends time with his daughter.

My advice? Leave it alone. If you really, truly thought you were with an incestuous child molester, I doubt you'd be with him.

The way you present the situation sounds really creepy. But, since we don't know the entire story, one thing came to mind. Bedtime for my son in his room was as time of winding down for us, chatting about the day, cuddling with the dogs, giggling, etc, we'd keep at it for usually around 20 minutes or so, and it dwindled down for him by the age of 16. I hope that wasn't weird. I just sat on the edge of the bed or if there wasn't room with the dogs I'd sit on the floor while we checked out for the day with each other. And he's okay. So, reading the responses, besides the provocative way the girl dresses, during the day do she and her dad share a pretty close bond, do you pick up on anything weird betwixt them during the day?

NANNY CAM all the way!

So lets assume you're not exagerating and its 15 minutes. I've heard of premature ejaculation but that's a quickie isn't it? I doubt if anything physical is going on but emotionally this is not appropriate. It could lead up to something physical that is for sure.

How about a compromise. Tell him he must leave the door wide open. He'll fight back of course in which case tell him he's totally out of line and if he can't leave the door open you'll have to move on. I suspect you're more expendible than his precious father/daughter moments.

EEEWH.OCC, that is even more creepy. :jawdrop:
Headnurse, I am with you, it is not the right behaviour towards a 14 year old.I suspect she is still his baby girl in his eyes and he doesn't see that she is by now nearly a grown up.What to do?Talk and talk again and again that it is not appropriate until he gets it.

If you have not invested much time in this relationship I would suggest that you reconsider your involvement. The emotional dysfunction will leave you with a lot of disappointment.You deserve better!Find a man who has a healthy boundaries and relationship with his children or does not have children.

I'm not going to jump to the molestation conclusion, although it's not impossible. I am going to jump all over it being an issue, though. At the very least, as someone mentioned, there's probably some adult spousal status or overly-Princess BS going on. Neither is a small thing to live with.

And as far as not being able to see her provocative clothes? It's beause his head is in the sand. My SO can't see SD's matted hair or dirty face either. But being a grubby little kid does not carry the same weight as a 14-year old looking like that. He needs to understand that it's dangerous if he does not see this.

See, now I am the type of person that... if I want to know what the EFF is going on in my house, I walk in. I would have no problem walking by and opening the door to say good night and leaving it wide open, possibly even just standing in the door way until he is done with his kissy kissy goodnights.

I promise you it will take him off guard the first time you do it, and if there is something "wrong" going on, you will know.

Where's the OP Headnurse? Before I'm ready to condemn her new BF to a hanging for molesting his daughter, I'd like to know more about how things are during the day with his daughter and him. Maybe he closes and locks to door to get some feedback from his daughter and/space regarding the new GF??

C'mon, I think it's a bit much to assume there is molestation going on, at least from what I am reading. I would be willing to give him the benefit of the doubt until you have something concrete.

I mean, maybe he just wants to have some privacy, like it's "their time" to talk or whatever. I agree that it's odd that a 14-year-old girl would want to be tucked in, but could be she's still playing the daddy's girl thing and he likes it because he feels like she's still his little girl. As far as her inappropriate attire, how many dads overlook stuff because they don't ever want to be the bad guy. That's so very common.

Anyway, I would be stunned if he were really molesting his own daughter and she was okay with it and continually wanted him to come "tuck her in".

Now, the fact that he's not being the person to draw the line on her dress, etc ... I can see how you would be upset there.

My 2 cents and experience: My DH didn't have a clue that some of SD14's behavior was inappropriate until *I* pointed it out.

I met them when she was almost 12. She had an unnatural attachment to him. Held his hand fingers interlaced in a lover's lock. Would sit on his lap even at the dinner table! Wouldn't allow him out of her sight for a second, even following him to the bathroom. Spooned with him on the floor watching tv, with her butt in his crotch area, her back to his belly, grabbed his arm and pulled it over top of hers and held his hand fingers interlaced. She always wore tight tops and short shorts even in the middle of winter and would complain she was cold so wanted to snuggle with daddy under a blanket on the couch where she'd sit on his lap and throw the blanket over them.

When he'd put her to bed, SHE insisted on him closing the door so they could "be alone". He never saw anything wrong with any of the above behaviors until I pointed out how ridiculously inappropriate they were. He honestly had no idea but once I discussed it with him, it's like a huge light bulb went off.

I read and re-read your post and then all of the responses. It appears that your intuition is telling you to be on guard. I'd install a camera or next time, after he's been in her room for a few, knock quickly and poke your head in asking him a question "you forgot to mention earlier" or...just make something up! Get in there and find out what's going on or you'll never be at rest or peace with it. And for heaven's sakes if something IS going on, get out of that situation immediately!

Good luck and I'm sure we'd all love to hear how things turn out!

headnurse, I'd flee the scene. it's not worth the heartache. your 6th sense picked up something, investigate if you must, but it's likely true and not at all good.