tucking him in, still?
My skid is 11, and he is a emotionally immature in many areas, but getting better in some. He just stopped sleeping with a stuffed animal this spring! And he doesn't insist on holding daddy's hand at the grocery anymore, or riding in the cart! My question is this...what age should I expect a child not to need to be tucked in by daddy? Skid will not go to bed without dad tucking him in, meaning literally, tucking him in after saying a few sweet nothings, kissing his head, you know the drill. BF and I are busy people and we eat very late (skid eats earlier), so it often happens that when skid is demanding to be tucked in, I am sitting over my plate of food as it gets cold, waiting. Skid is a little manipulator too, and finds all kinds of things to wonder and ask about when dad is up in his room, things that he didn't give a crap about before 10pm. I am wondering from those of you with either bio kids or skids...what age did you stop having to tuck them into bed? 11 is a bit much right? I maybe could understand a little tuck in treat once in awhile, but this kid demands it and refuses to go to bed without it and interupts our adult night every single time. So, what age? P.S its not a monster under the bed or nightlight thing...we have been over all of that with him.
Forever2, they pretty much
Forever2, they pretty much grow out of it themselves, but if you truly feel it's about the manipulation can you set an "all tuck-ins" have to be done by 9:00pm or they don't get them rule? That way you still get your BF dinner time while it's hot, skid still gets his tuck-in and everybody's happy? Just an idea.
I don't think there is
I don't think there is anything wrong with going in to say goodnight to the skid - but to actually literally tuck him in is a bit weird at 11. Maybe just say to your partner that you will start eating without him because you don't want yours to get cold. That might make him hurry the process along! I'm a big fan of reading to the kids before bed, so maybe he should start doing something like that - reading a couple of pages of a book or something and then that's it.
I wouldn't let my food get cold waiting for the tuck-in to happen.
3girlsmom...believe it or not
3girlsmom...believe it or not we are making great progress on the bedtime (thanks to me and 2 years of trying to convince BF...aka nagging). Skid used to go to bed pretty much whenever he wanted. BF would say 10 or 10:30 or 11, never consistent, but if skid didn't want to go to bed, he wouldn't, and of course dad was the problem because he never wanted to be the bad guy, only the cool buddy. Skid was the master manipulator, great with the guilty divorced dad button..."ahhhh dad, I know its midnight, but I don't get to spend enough time with you, can I pllleeeeease see the end of this movie?" Worked every time. Anyway, at least I am seeing baby step in that direction! I agree with you that nine would be ideal, but progress is progress. I used to give up at midnight any hope of adult time.
Hmmm, sounds like I may have to suck it up a little longer with the bedtime thing. I expect one day skid will suddenly say, Hey dad, get out of my room, I am trying to "read" the swimsuit edition." And how did you get a great guy who would tuck you in at night? All I get is the sound of football and snoring from the living room as I drift off to sleep.
Eat earlier or later.
Eat earlier or later.
In this day of kids growing
In this day of kids growing up too fast or too soon, I enjoy some of the things my daughter (13) still wants to do. She isn't into public affection anymore, no holding hands or kissing when I drop her off at school, but she doesn't get out of the car without saying "I love you", and she still enjoys being tucked in every night with a big hug and kiss (and occasional last minute conversation) and every morning, when I leave for work, I have to wake her up to tell her "bye..I love you" hug and kiss. To me...it's helped keep us close as she tries to explore her new need for independence. I wouldn't discourage it. I wouldn't adjust life around it too much, either, but I wouldn't discourage it at all...
I think the OP is not upset
I think the OP is not upset that SS wants to be tucked in - she is mad because SS knows that they are eating dinner and so he asks DH many questions and keeps him in the room while he know that SM's food is getting cold and he is cutting into their time together.
The problem is DH's - not SS's - children will only get away with what we let them get away with. Make him go to bed by 9pm - if he does not want to go to sleep make him be in his room by 9 and lights out by 9:30pm. Children need at least 8 - 9 hours of sleep a night to help their growing bodies grow - so if DH has a problem with enforcing the rules just tell him that. Your DH needs to be firm and go into his bedroom at 9pm say good night - let SS ask all of his questions then and then leave the room - go back at 9:30pm and turn the lights out. An 11 year old boy should be going to bed by himself with minimal tucking in. This is why the boys of this generation scare the shit out of me - I have a SS16 almost 17 who never has worked has not intention of it and wants a free ride. I am afraid for him getting out on his own - he is not going to make it and his mother coddles him all she can.
Don't change your eating time - why should the kid dictate when you are going to eat - you two make the schedule not some 11 year old and right now SS is making your schedule for your - his schedule should be that he is in bed before your dinner time. It seems like you two are trying to have couple time and he is interrupting - this time is just as important to you two as a couple as DH's time with his son - it should not be taken lightly or for granted. It is your time - your DH needs to start enforcing some rules. Good luck!!