At the end of my rope...calling for Steps with experience
SD was RUDE as hell when she turned 11/12(middle school) BUT for the most part independent. Had friends, went out, would hang out in her room watching TV(ALONE!), would get herself up for school, put herself to bed ect. Now I thought it was bad with SD because of her disrespectful behavior and was thrilled when she went of to college last year and we hardly see her. Boy was I wrong!!
SS12 is not only SUPER rude/bratty but clingy/needy as hell for DH to a point the only time I can get a minute of time with DH is first thing in the morning before the brat rolls out of bed. Even though SS NEVER goes more than 3 days without seeing DH SS12 always yells "DADDY" and runs into his arms telling DH how much he missed DH. If we go out to dinner SS HAS TO sit next to DH. If we go out SS HAS TO walk next to DH. Watching tv SS HAS TO sit next to DH. I always feel like a third wheel. SS has few friends partly because hes such a brat I'm sure BUT there are a few kids that will text him BUT SS unlike his sister never does anything with them. He wants to be with DADDY all the time. Unlike his sister SS will NEVER go up in his room alone to watch TV, DH has to watch with him. The ONLY thing SS does alone in play video games on his phone BUT even that he needs to be in the same room as DADDY. SD would be fine staying home alone if we both had to run out and do something for a couple of hours and she did not want to go. SS forget it. He will wine and make DH feel like crap if DH has to do something during "parenting time" to a point DH won't go. DH and I went to a work dinner for adults only and left SS with a friend of ours that he knew. We were gone three hours. SS texted DH ALL evening asking how much longer and when would we be home. DH got such a guilt trip we have not been out alone during "parenting time" since then.
At 12 years old DH STILL has to walk SS up to bed, turn on his nightlight and tuck him in. Oh and SS insists on staying up with DADDY till DH goes to bed so thinking DH and I can get some alone time in the evening forget it.
Yes I KNOW I have a guilty dad problem and 95% of the problem is my DH indulging in the nonsense BUT DH is not going to change. I tried and he just does not see a problem with all this or has an excuse. This being said why are two kids who are raised the same parents so different?? Yes they both were/are extremely rude entitled BUT SD was so much more independent than SS. Had friends got out of the house! My real question is WHEN will SS stop being so clingy towards DH??? I can't be the only person with step kids that has this problem. I would be VERY interested to hear from people with older steps(late teens/adults) who had the same problem I'm having now and what age did their step grow out of it.
You understand it’s your DH fault
This is going on. You must make DH understand this will have to change, or there will be other changes that will go on.
Does your DH find this
Does your DH find this attention flattering??
If you you sitting in a booth when you go out to eat, choose square table next time. Then you and SS can both sit next to Daddddeeeee.
IMO, SS seems to be acting like a 3yo, but your DH is allowing this behavior. I would not be able to witness it and would leave the room at every opportunity - including doing my own thing: going out with friends, shopping, catching a movie...
Gag me
Do you also sit in the back seat of the car, when all three of you go out somewhere?
Sounds extremely unhealthy, but if DH doesnt see a problem you need to give him some choices. Withholding adult time might work. A sledgehammer might work too.
Yup
My stepkids were horrendous when they were a bit younger. Never went anywhere with friends, never went out, rode bikes, nothing. I bought them a Smart TV for their rooms with Netflix, Stan and had it hooked up to their Playstation and consoles. They PRETENDED the WIFI in the house didn't travel upstairs properly so the TV didn't work so they HAD TO sit downstairs with us. I tested the TV at different times of the day and guess what? It worked perfectly. Absolute nightmare, so I sympathise with what you're going through. My stepkids HAD TO be involved in every adult conversation and listened in on EVERYTHING.
Cut a long story short. We bought a new house with 2 living areas and they were banned from the adult living space at all times. That didn't stop SD17 from trying her luck though. Always at the door trying to talk to DH even when I wanted to use my breastpump to feed my baby son in private.
It is endless bullshit with these f**kers. If your Dh won't/can't do anything to establish boundaries you need to do it. It was me that insisted on the separate living area. I needed it for my sanity as I was not coping with SD being ever present and constantly in my space.
Wow I can't even get DH to tell SS
to go play in his room or go outside when he's running through the house screaming chasing the dogs! DH will NEVER leave and move from the zip code till SS is 18. So I told DH that I hate the state we are living and wanted to move out west once SS is 18 and there is no more "joint custody" to deal with. I really don't hate my state BUT want to get the hell away from SS and I thought moving would fix this. Well DH went ahead and told SS this and invited him to come move with us and live with us! They talk about it offen! Big F me. My ONLY hope is the brat will get a girlfriend or decide he can't leave mommy and not go with us when the time comes.
omfg
What a disaster! Did your DH not get the hint that your moving out west plan did not include his annoying son?! Bloody hell, I feel angry for you.
My DH was made acutely aware and in no uncertain terms that after they reach 18, all bets are off or as I call it 'off the books'. The whole stepkid, ex wife drama was enough aggravation to last a lifetime and both DH and I need some peace. I have said to him that I fully support him seeing his kids but that it will rarely if ever include me. Too much nasty water under the bridge for me to tolerate. I see that you are new here. Have a good read around disengagement and Disney Daddy syndrome, it might help to provide strategies and suggestions for dealing with it and getting your DH to step up and parent the brat.
My sd’s would walk right next to hubby
Like side by side whilst he was pushing our toddlers in stroller so that i was forced and expected to walk behind them.
hubby didn’t notice because often i came last out of the car getting their nappy bags. So i walked next to hubby and my kids would often sit in stroller with one hand out for me to hold..
they fell into line instantly and walked behind me.
that didn’t stop them ranting on about bio mum and stepdad to show how superior they were to us. It felt on deaf ears. We didn’t answer back..
From what I see hear it’s mostly girls who do this
How many of you have seen this in boys??? Even SS’s SISTER was not this needy/Clingy when she was SS’s age. People hear say it’s going to get worse. How is that even possible?! Worse in what way?? SS already needs to be no more than two feet away from daddy dearest at all times. Only thing that could be worse is SS being 15 and wanting to sit on daddy’s lap or hold his hand when walking! Really that’s about it! So how can this possibly get worse???