uh-oh... BM found out...
Some of you may remember my post a while back where I explained how SD15 is not allowed to have a boyfriend (according to BM). A quick refresher... BM has told SD15 that she cannot have a boyfriend after SD broke up with a boyfriend BM liked. Well, SD had a boyfriend and just didn't tell BM. While we were all at a football game this weekend, where SD plays in the marching band, BM found out when another parent said something to her. BM got very upset and so did her husband (SD's SD). BM went looking for SD and found her and the boyfriend talking. BM got up in the boyfriends face and yelled at him saying, "THIS ENDS NOW". She humiliated and embarrassed SD in front of everyone. SD text messaged me and said "I am scared to go home". I couldn't respond because I know BM will be going through her phone. I felt terrible, but ya know... Also, we are waiting for BM to call DH because he knew about the boyfriend and didn't tell BM... drama... always drama! I know SD broke her mother's rule... but BM is crazy and I still feel sorry for SD and there is absolutely nothing I can do. Sucks being a SM sometimes! Feels so helpless...
I don't know your SD, but if
I don't know your SD, but if she is college material, she should graduate high school and head FAR FAR away to a college somewhere. Her mother sounds crazy, and too involved. Keeping an eye on your kids is fine and GOOD, but not liking the boyfriend bc she liked the other one...weird. And to humiliate her daughter-that is so sad. Especially in front of friends and classmates. I want to give your SD a hug.
You were right not to text back. Just be there for your SD as best as you can.
She is college material for
She is college material for sure and she is already planning to go somewhere far away. BM told her and DH that she will move wherever SD moves, even if it means leaving her husband! She is the type to do it too... so sad
This poor kid. She is very
This poor kid. She is very lucky to have you in her corner. I am sure she knows that you are there for her, but have to "be careful" when dealing with her mother. She gets it.
Thank you! I really struggled
Thank you! I really struggled with not texting back, but felt no matter what I said, it would only stir the pot with BM. I do feel terrible that I "abandoned" her. She turned to me for help and I did nothing... I can't wait for her to get here Friday so I can put my arms around her and tell her sorry and I love her!
we are pretty sure her mom
we are pretty sure her mom took her phone away and when she does this, she reads SD's texts as they come in...
Not often, but sometimes
Not often, but sometimes there are fortuitouse mutations that occur even in children of one or more completetly fucked up parents and the kid turns out far better than either or both of contributors to the kid's shallow and polluted gene pool. My wife is an example of this.
It sounds as it your SD is one also. My wife did go far, far away to university as soneone else suggested would be a good idea for your SD. My wife did finish HS with her class, her BS and her MBA all with honors and is now a CPA. No one in her family even comes close to her in intellect, character or success. My Skid has also managed to overcome the shallow and polluted end of his gene pool and has far out performed the SpermIdiot and the entire SpermClan combined and he is only 20.
My DW did learn from her once notable poor decision which was to have sex with the SpermIdiot and have SS when she was 16 not that the kid was a mistake. Only the choice of donors was a mistake.
Anyway, be supportive of your SD in her battles with her idiot BM and her idiot husband and have her back as she navigates the last few years of forced exposure to her idiot mother. Then be her supporter when she leaves the toxic womb environment and blossoms into her own life.
This is why a Sparent truly can be the only REAL parent that kid has of one gender or the other. When a BioParent is this fucked up we are often the only sanity that a Skid gets.
Way to go mom.
thank you Rags... thank you
thank you Rags... thank you
She is a very good kid. Thank
She is a very good kid. Thank you! And we would love for her to come and live here full time. She knows the invitation is open and any time she wants to make that choice we will start the ball rollin'. I think there is a weird sense of loyalty children have to their bio parents that hinders them from taking that step. I think very many more episodes like this and she will be ready!
Remind the girl that she did
Remind the girl that she did not choose her mother and is not responsible for her mothers actions. It won't take away the sting of the moment as people that age are very sensitive to things like that.
But it may help her get a perspective on how the rest of the world perceives the girl herself. People know its not the girls fault her mother is nuts and tell the girl more or less that. Remind her how close she is to 18 and how you and Daddy can help if you can.
You're not helpless in that you can give the girls the verbal and mental tools to deal with the situation without actually interfearing yourself.
Has anyone considered taking her in to your home?
yes we have considered it. We
yes we have considered it. We have opened the invitation to her. Tonight my SD texted her dad (my DH) and said "she is suffocating me". He told her to call him tomorrow. He says he is going to tell SD that whatever she needs him to do he will do and if that means going to court to get custody because her mom won't agree to moving her here that is what we are prepared to do. Well, HE is prepared to do, but you know what I mean. We are leaving the ball in her court and will support her no matter what. thanks for your kind words Orange Co.
My SD16 is pretty firmly set
My SD16 is pretty firmly set on fleeing BM as soon as is practical. (given the STUPID courts in the state with jurisdiction, this means when she is an adult) The only question is if she will finish high school or run the day she turns 18. The latest is forcing SD16 to go to Homecoming and prom or be punished.
Luckily, BM is too lazy and selfish to move with SD16.
Me personally, I'm looking forward toward tax season 2015 - between the loss of CS and the claiming of SD on taxes, BM is going to take a $10k+ loss in income. Karma is coming, BM, and I'll be watching!