Oh wow, I was just talking about this. If we all worked together and pooled our money then they wouldn't have so much junk they never use.
And you're right it creates entitlement. We deal with this daily.
The My bithday is my day and I cando what i want...Ummm no you can't you are 10 and last i checked have no job or any means of transportation or income. In addition it becomes a competition...My DH ex wife waits to see what we get and then tres to go out and top it...LOL its so stupid and it works everytime the kids rant and rave about what their mother bought them. My SD is 12 and has a Galaxy note that she got for her birthday which was in November and got an Ipod touch and tablet for Christmas ummm....why would she need all 3? That is just utterly ridiculous. Their motehr has ruined them and when they don't get theri way...watch out. Its sad but true they get it all now and what do you get them at 16, or 18, or 21???

I also think it sets up alot of entitlement. My ss always had two birthdays. Parties at both homes. At skating rinks, paintball, etc. Two Xmas's were the bare minimum. He actually ended up having 3 on dh's side (our immediate fam, my parents, and dh's parents) and then another 3 on bm's side. Then he had greatgrandparents that lived out of state that would send large amounts of cash for the kid. They also send cash on bdays, easter, etc. For Easter we have always done an Easter Basket-he gets one at bm's as well, along with his Easter cash from her grandparents.

My dh was always insistent that ss get just as much as the other children in the home (who have no other parents). Because he wanted things to be "even" in this home and as poster above said-HE wanted to experience his kid experiencing these things. Which is great and all, but I felt it shouldnt be about dh, but about raising the kid in an appropriate manner. My ss had this set up his whole life-parents divorced when he was 1. So he knew nothing other than the multiple celebrations.

SS doesnt visit us any longer and he is currently refusing to even speak with dh so he will not be having any celebrations with us any longer. He lives with inlaws who I am sure celebrate in some manner and then I believe his mom continues to celebrate with him on some level.

I always treated birthdays and holidays the same...regardless of the visitation schedule. SD always had two birthdays, two Christmases, two Easter baskets, two Valentine's baskets... you name it.
I don't think my SD22 has become an entitled young woman. Matter of fact, I think it's the opposite. After the last vacation we took her on, she sent a thank you card and a gift card... even though we invited her and she makes minimum wage. We just returned from a week long vacation to Vegas with her, we paid for everything, and I imagine we'll get more of the same.
Personally, I think stepparents use the "two" holiday thing as a way to stick it to their stepkids...it gives them something else to complain about.

I think you can give kids alot of stuff and neat experiences, without them growing up entitled and bratty. My DD4 has alot of nice things, she has horseback riding lessons, takes nice trips with me, and is getting a pony for her 5th birthday. I make really good money and she is my only child. Her dad passed away before she was born and both of our families are really involved with her.

However, if she asks for anything, she can do so one time (like in the store). After that, if she asks again, she will face the repercussions (right now that is 30 minutes in her room alone) and she absolutely won't get what she is asking for. She is not to "expect" anything from me or ask anyone but me for things. When she gets older (first grade) she'll get an allowance and I'll expect chores to be done in exchange. Then she can use her own money when it isn't a birthday or Xmas.

I make sure that she knows that most kids do not have as much as she does, we regularly go through her clothe and toys to pick out things to donate. Most of her friends have lower income parents and don't have as much as she does. I make sure that she shares with them, is kind and understands the difference, and doesn't get attached to "things". I won't have a mean, spoiled brat in my house.

As the visitation father I had it a little easy for Christmas as my ex obsessed over Christmas as her mother had done. Buying all year the things she knew they wanted she saved them up for Christmas morning.

After the first Christmas of the kids antsy all day to get home to get their loot I told my ex that they "should be at home on Christmas morning" and they were. I picked them up at noon by which time they had settled down and they were allowed to bring one new toy with them.

I would have had to rent a trailer to bring all of them. Anyway one token gift awated at my home. I explained in age appropriate language that I preferred to think of them all year long and to give of my time rather than of things. In their 40's now they don't remember but a very few of the gifts they got under that tree but many of the trips we took on the Christmas break to Nevada searching for ghosts towns and shooting tin cans. Camping trips, which can be done in Southern California are wonderful for creating a environment where quality time can't be avoided if one tried.

If she wanted to create memories she failed but in the end I realized Christmas was for her as she tried to create the Christmas she never had and never would have despite the ton of gifts her mother piled up for her and her siblings. A family can't be bought and given under a tree.

Birthdays were celebrated often twice but only with a meal at my mothers and a minor gift. I simply refused to compete with her by buying stuff instead giving time and experiences which are remembered to this day.