Hey everybody I have not posted in probably a year. I have only posted a few time so I am sure no one remembers me. Just a brief summary- My husband and I moved away from SD and her mother. It took me a long time to convince him that it was the right thing to do for our family. Not because of SD but bc it was better for us to live somewhere else. Although the issues with her mother made it more prudent for me personally to get away and be in a healthy environment. I think the opinions in this group were mixed when I posted about it a year ago, a lot of people thought I was what was wrong with step parenting.

Well I am really happy to say that everything is working out well (fingers crossed) after a year here. Within the first month my SD's behavior completely changed. She started to hug me and her dad for the first time in years. I mean a sincere hug, not one of those side hugs or a hug with a "ughhh" sound. lol. When she left our house after summer break she would call her dad or he would call her and she actually started to tell him 'I love you' and 'I miss you' for the first time since the custody battle two years prior. It was like she was a normal teen! And she really is. There is still a lot to work on, but its normal teen angst and hormone stuff. Anyway...I dont know what changed. Honestly I think it had a lot to do with her having more stability and her dad gives her more independence then her mom does because he has recognized that she is growing up and he has changed his parenting accordingly. But mostly it was probably her mom's attitude change that made a big difference. We have always noticed when her mom is upset then SD would come to our house like her mouth piece and yell about the same stuff and almost sound exactly like her mom. But now that her mom had nothing left to complain about- We were out of her hair,she is getting 5-6 times more money than she was before, and she has her daughter to herself 75% of the year. she can manipulate her in any way she sees fit. She loves total control and does not like to be challenged. So she was very cordial with DH for a while. So much so that we were taken aback by it at first. We were suspicious of it because in the past she was only nice when she wanted something. But after a while we saw it to be her new normal. She would ask his opinion on issues, run things past him and even share in a little venting about the SD's attitude and what they should do. It was pretty awesome... Then around December this facade started to fade a little :jawdrop: I know, big shocker, right... She has started to complain more about money and get angry if he gives her suggestions about discipline issues and school. She gets very defensive. I have my own theory that she was feeling overwhelmed or things have not been better as she had hoped with grades, behavior and weight issues. See, she had said for years that her bad grades, etc. were his fault. she hardly ever places blame on their daughter and never on herself. It is either him, school or the adhd. So when we left I think she assumed problem solved,but her grades are the same and so is her behavior. Not better or worse. She still blames him. Because she is not able to do it all herself and that is his fault. But the whole time they had split 50/50 custody she claimed it would be easier if she was handling everything herself and he needed move further out of the picture bc he will just screw it up so... whatever. That December attitude didn't last long though. Now she is back to her new normal where she is just cordial and only says what needs to be said. Not to say she is not still angry but she has directed that anger to the school and emails the teachers almost weekly with rants or suggestions on how to fix their classrooms. I feel sorry for them but... better them than us.(sorry). Now, I a, still not sure why she started complaining about money, I can't imagine that she is not getting enough because it costs half that for us to maintain both children even when its full time. ^ times more money plus he pays 57% of all expenses. So I can only guess that she had something going on in her personal life and she was short on cash. Anyone with a unique perspective on issues like that please chime in. I know all info is not provided but that would take a novel for me to type out.

Overall,everything has been cohesive. My SD seems very healthy outward and in. She still gets mad and calls her dad (coincidentally, Im sure) right after he has made her mom angry by not agreeing with her. Like if she wants to take her to a new school in the middle of the school year bc the teachers are ignoring her rants-DH advises against it aaaand with in a hour he gets a call from their child (who supposedly does not know he spoke with her mom) but just wants to say how much she hates her school and needs to leave. LOL. That type of stuff only occurs once a month now and it is always obvious when she has been coached. Besides that and normal ten stuff that I will probably have questions about in this forum soon,she has adjusted well and has been more friendly with me.

I know this would not work for everyone,as we primarily left for reasons outside of this situation with the ex, but it has worked for all of us. So far. Fingers crossed. lol... The most important thing for me is that everyone seems to be happy.