If you knew before you were married what you know now, what would be your dealbreakers in a stepfamily? What would be worth the ride of the stepfamily and what would make you run?
My situation isn't bad and while I'd like to change SD's personality, I can't do that and I knew that coming in. I set the rules with DH 5 minutes into our first date. I will not tolerate Wingnut imposing herself into our lives (she called 7 times during our date and he answered each time). I will not be disrespected by him or his kid and I will not allow my property to be disrespected. All children in our home will have the same rules and consequences and will likewise get the same opportunities and rewards. I will not pay his financial obligations and I will not pay our joint bills so that he can meet them. I won't be a babysitter. We've been together almost 4 years and dh has made good on his end of this deal. Life isn't perfect. Wingnut still tries to be a pain in the ass and SD is a mini-wingnut, but dh holds up his end of the deal in managing those things. If he EVER disrespected me by ignoring me or my needs for his "first family" or referred to me as selfish because I won't take on his and Wingnut's responsibility or if he ever let SD act like a little animal, I would not be happy and if I am not happy, he is not happy. Hell he even told MIL and SILs to pound sand when they questioned my authority regarding practices in MY home. I think mutual respect and honest communication are absolutely necessary and I see so many people on here who aren't "allowed" to have opinions in their own homes without being guilt-tripped into something. It makes me angry for them. No one should have to compromise themselves away.
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!
Dealbreaker: Feeling like 2nd place to my 16 yr old SS - he runs the show, even after he was convicted of selling/using drugs at school. He's catered to even more now. DH and I make plans for weekend, SS doesn't want to go or wants to do something else - DH gives in. He throws fancy gifts at him and gives him everything he wants - even if we can't afford it, no matter how I feel. He knows he can manipulate his father to spite me - I know when I speak up to DH, it's always my fault and I'm the issue. SS is spoiled little felon!
The only thing that keeps me in the "ride" - the love I have for my DH. Although knowing now what I know, it gets harder and harder everyday, especially since we have a 6 month old together. I refuse for him to grow up feeling 2nd place.
If I knew then what I know now, simply put, I'd run. The end. The only dealbreaker I can think of is if dh cheated. I mean I cant think of anything else right now that would cause me to flee. I've already been through and given up so much I dont know of anything else it'd take to get me to leave.
Wanting me to replace a child's mother the way my ex did
Having a stepchild meaning I shouldn't want to have a child of my own
Abuse
Dealbreakers Today:
Having a stepchild meaning I shouldn't want to have a child of my own
Infidelity
(Abuse would still be a deal breaker but now I know that's not something I would have to worry about with DH)
"There comes a time when you have to surrender the idea of what your children could be to the reality of who they are."
My situation isn't bad and
My situation isn't bad and while I'd like to change SD's personality, I can't do that and I knew that coming in. I set the rules with DH 5 minutes into our first date. I will not tolerate Wingnut imposing herself into our lives (she called 7 times during our date and he answered each time). I will not be disrespected by him or his kid and I will not allow my property to be disrespected. All children in our home will have the same rules and consequences and will likewise get the same opportunities and rewards. I will not pay his financial obligations and I will not pay our joint bills so that he can meet them. I won't be a babysitter. We've been together almost 4 years and dh has made good on his end of this deal. Life isn't perfect. Wingnut still tries to be a pain in the ass and SD is a mini-wingnut, but dh holds up his end of the deal in managing those things. If he EVER disrespected me by ignoring me or my needs for his "first family" or referred to me as selfish because I won't take on his and Wingnut's responsibility or if he ever let SD act like a little animal, I would not be happy and if I am not happy, he is not happy. Hell he even told MIL and SILs to pound sand when they questioned my authority regarding practices in MY home. I think mutual respect and honest communication are absolutely necessary and I see so many people on here who aren't "allowed" to have opinions in their own homes without being guilt-tripped into something. It makes me angry for them. No one should have to compromise themselves away.
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!
Dealbreaker: Feeling like
Dealbreaker: Feeling like 2nd place to my 16 yr old SS - he runs the show, even after he was convicted of selling/using drugs at school. He's catered to even more now. DH and I make plans for weekend, SS doesn't want to go or wants to do something else - DH gives in. He throws fancy gifts at him and gives him everything he wants - even if we can't afford it, no matter how I feel. He knows he can manipulate his father to spite me - I know when I speak up to DH, it's always my fault and I'm the issue. SS is spoiled little felon!
The only thing that keeps me in the "ride" - the love I have for my DH. Although knowing now what I know, it gets harder and harder everyday, especially since we have a 6 month old together. I refuse for him to grow up feeling 2nd place.
If I knew then what I know
If I knew then what I know now, simply put, I'd run. The end. The only dealbreaker I can think of is if dh cheated. I mean I cant think of anything else right now that would cause me to flee. I've already been through and given up so much I dont know of anything else it'd take to get me to leave.
Dealbreakers while we were
Dealbreakers while we were dating:
Wanting me to replace a child's mother the way my ex did
Having a stepchild meaning I shouldn't want to have a child of my own
Abuse
Dealbreakers Today:
Having a stepchild meaning I shouldn't want to have a child of my own
Infidelity
(Abuse would still be a deal breaker but now I know that's not something I would have to worry about with DH)
"There comes a time when you have to surrender the idea of what your children could be to the reality of who they are."
Infedility Abuse Drugs/Alcoho
Infedility
Abuse
Drugs/Alcohol
Trying to take my money & not paying his half