My DH indicated, in a recent argument with me, that BM is always to receive the same amount of child support every week "no matter how many, if any, kids are living with her." He explained that he pays her, not to care for their children, but rather to "shut up and go away."

They have three kids, all three years apart in age. The oldest turns 21 next year. (We live in New York, where the BM gravy train runs until the "child" is 21.)

As each kid legally ages out of child support, IF he really doesn't reduce his weekly child support payments to BM, THAT will probably be it for me.

My last straw with SD16 was her lying about me to DH and him believing it point blank. It almost broke up my marriage. When her lie was discovered, DH ripped her a new one, but she has never apologized. From that moment on, I knew I would never trust her.

If the skids started to rule the house. Dicating how I have to live my life, at the moment I don't mind the slight change however if it started to impact me...or my future children that's when I would go. If my partner didn't spend the same amount of time with me or my children. Then I would go.

I gave up a lot of mine also but for me I'm on the final one now. BM2 is dictating how we raise the children in our home and if it doesn't stop asap I'm done. She's absent 99% of the time unless she wants to control SO and the skids. She has no say in the older skids (not hers) or my DS and it's about time she realizes that.

I've hit my last straw twice now and allowed acceptance of this last time with the full announcement that the last straw has already been pulled. I will never tolerate that again.
As far as the BM last straw, that was pulled in September and DH has been right on the line with keeping the boundaries I require for that since the last straw.
The last straw in what I will tolerate in a disagreement with DH (which contributes to the BM issues), was pulled 2 weeks ago, we are rebuilding, slowly, I do believe he will not pull that straw again.
For his sake and our families sake, I sure hope he doesn't.

Mine would be if DH ever, ever, ever doesn't stand up for me against his family/BM. I don't think that would happen, but I've made it clear that's where I draw the line.

I think all my last straws have already been broken

BM's (first) and last straw happened 2yrs ago. She had always been a challenge and high conflict, but it was with DH. The second it came my way, she got slapped. Cops called and the bitch was shutdown. I had DH's full support and the support of his family to call police. It was my choice to not have her arrested and she knows it.

Christmas was my last straw with SD. She exaggerated a story to BM, which resulted in WW3 raining down on DH's head, and SD jumped into the fight because BM and SD are sickeningly enmeshed. She has no idea, but I have maybe spoken 20 words to her since Christmas and that includes "hi' and "bye". I no longer care how or what happens to her or how she behaves. Want to cross the street while texting? okie.

With DH it would be if he didn't have my back. (yes- he makes some mistakes) He has shown me with the police incident that our marriage is sacred to him.

I honestly tried to be indifferent with the bio mother at first.
The kids came home with horror stories from their mother's house and I honestly thought, "All kids think their parents are horrible. I'm sure they tell their mother horrible stories about their father too."
My husband, then boyfriend, told me the horror story of his wife leaving him and cheating on him and how it was a nightmare to be around her and how he took ever opportunity to leave and travel, but he qualified it. He admitted that he was never home, his constant traveling for work made her suspicious that he was cheating on her, but he didn't at first. But when she started OPEN cheating on him, he started OPENLY cheating on her. Thus ending the marriage.
So I went into "knowing" the bio mother with an open mind. Even hearing horrible stories about her.
When I was still dating my husband, before we were married, the bio mother cornered me at a school function and verbally assaulted me like I've never been attacked with words before.
She showed her crazy side to me.
Accused me of breaking up her marriage and everything. (I met my husband two years after he left his wife and he had at least two serious girlfriends that met his kids after her and before me.)
All she wanted to do was publically make a scene and humiliate me.
It was crazy and at that point it was no contact. No talking no "hi". No smiling in her direction. I don't even acknowledge her in the baseball stand. That was it.

If my SS hits either of my girls. He's done it before to my eldest which resulted in therapy.

I have several final straws,

#1 SKs being violent in my home to anyone
#2 SKs be coming pregnant (DH and I agreeded they wouldn't be allowed in our home, this is for my kids as well)
#3 SKs full time
#4 BM going back to full on texting, calling etc MY HUSBAND

I think DH pulled my final straw last year when I had a fit (as I will call it) and started throwing my clothes out of my closet. He has one foot in and one foot out.

DH is getting better but if he continues to MAKE SDs feeeelings more important, he'll be living with her and not me.

Any increase in current visitation time (currently EOWE). I just couldn't tolerate it, I'd have to leave.

Also, any situation where my DP didn't back me up / defend me. Or if he made any mistake that he's made in the past again. For example last year when skids were going on hol for a fortnight, we agreed he'd have them on the Sunday before they went away (this was not his weekend). We were both happy with this arrangement. Then, unbeknown to me, BM kicked off saying if he wasn't having them overnight, there was no point having them at all. So he made arrangements separately with her to have them the Saturday night also. This was our 1 year anniversary may I add. We weren't living together at the time. As soon as he told me that evening, I picked up my handbag and walked out. I ignored his calls, etc. for a few days. He ended up turning up at my place with his proverbial tail between his legs admitting he was wrong. Damn straight. I told him he must never do anything like that to me again.

Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me.

I am really sorry to hear that you are feeling this way! I was at the same point not long ago and did the ultimatum thing as well for similar reasons. BM was a nightmare, Skids were just too much for me to handle and the eldest had some serious attitude that got under my skin.

This probably wont help but all I did was changed my perception on things. Before I kind of felt a bit rubbish looking at my friends going out with their OHs and so on. I felt under appreciated and ignored and taken for granted. I felt like a caregiver, a taxi, a bank and everything else but not a partner.

So one day I thought I don't want to loose my OH at all but this is driving me mad. I spoke to OH about it and he said to me that I can do or try anything that will help me (obviously within reason). So I took control of the skids, laid down the law in MY house, started being more involved in some ways and less in others. Putting them in bed or feeding them drives me mad because they just don't do it so now OH does that. Homework and bath time is fine so I will do that.

The skids have become lovely little girls...its amazing how your own feelings and behavior affect them!

As for BM, I show her respect regardless to what crazy thing she is doing...and to be honest the craziness has started to die down. In fact she has been good as gold for the past 5 months.

Adult skids and step grand brats moving into my house. I would pack up and leave. No joke.

Here, here Cat.

I would rather chew glass than see their faces every single day!

DH swings from telling me how awful BM is one minute to defending her the next. It's almost like because she's so evil at times, when she's half-normal and reasonable it elevates her to an almost angelic status. No, I'm not going to impressed she did the right thing for a change, it's called being a normal human being.

My last straw and what usually results in a big argument is DH in full on BM-defending/enabling/ass-kissing mode. Nothing drives me more crazy.

Well, if I would've thought something to be my last straw, it would've been a while ago. No issues with CS since 2010 when DH and I received full placement of now SS10 and SS8, except maybe that BM pays bare minimum. When we first got the children, the oldest actually lied to his BM x2 about being abused, which she then called the law enforcement and had child protective services in our home. SS10s way of trying to get placement at his grandmothers. When the kids would come home from their BM, on the weekends she would actually take them...., I would hear things such as: you're not my real mom, you're my fake mom or I don't want you to have a baby - my mom doesn't want you to have a baby. Ever since BM tried to tell me to get out of their grandparents house because it was her time with them (BTW, she is not allowed to take them to her home because of abusive BF) I told her I can be wherever they are because I am their guardian. I honestly don't know if that's right but it shut her up. Things are better now, in that aspect. However, the oldest is conniving and the youngest is a liar, not to mention always having notes sent home from school. I've gotten to the point I've told DH that he will do ALL disciplining and I will support because my demeanor changes when I come home. It's not cool that what should be your sanctuary is not and that I would rather be at work....