Whew! Made it!
OK!!!! I made it through the mine field at DH's sister's house for Christmas. Since I've disengaged from the SD24/aka "the princess"/aka the "easy bake baby oven", I didn't even speak to her. Didn't hold her latest spawn or coo over it or anything! So proud of me!!!!!! I had a nice visit with the rest of his family, but totally avoided SD's side of the room. It was fine, I'm sure, because her daddy was there just making a fuss over SD, babies daddy, and the little ones.
I stayed 2 hours, and then I "had to go" and left. This is the happiest I've been on Christmas in a loooooonnnnnng time---mainly because I didn't do anything I didn't WANT to do or spend moments of my time on anyone I didn't WANT to be with.
The rest of my day will be spent with my friends and family. We will laugh, eat, open gifts, and have a GOOD time! Merry Christmas!
Taking responsibility for
Taking responsibility for your own happiness and letting go of the hopes that our SD's will one day like us is a very liberating experience!
I know your joy, my friend! My grown SD's (27 & 33)live in another state and for the first time since in the ten years my DH & I have been flying out to visit, I made the decision (with he help of our couples therapist) to stop trying so damn hard - especially with Daddy's really truly special little girl - the 27 year old.
I wasn't rude - I simply became more of an observer. It also helped that my 3 year old grandson was with me (my son's son) and I had to focus on him.
For the first time I didn't feel emotionally spent -- I didn't feel unappreciated and disrespected because I stopped trying so hard for her acceptance.
The interesting thing is that this change of dynamic caused a huge discomfort for her. At the end of the four the SD's went to dinner with their Daddy - which was fine with me. She announced at the meal that I had mistreated her the entire time and that she was done with me - in fact never wants anything to do with me ever again!
Oookaay... so -- very interesting. I hope this doesn't happen in your case. I hope that it will be okay for you to continue to take care of yourself. Either way let's make a pact to not stop taking care of ourselves. Don't know about you but it is a long time comin!