Did he cheat on his first wife? Has he ever cheated on you in the past?

I would have done the same thing I am not above calling someone & finding out exactly what is up. Your husband is hiding something - even if it's not sex he may be having an emotional affair. I think you handled it perfectly.

Um. If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then 99.999999% chance it's a duck. Or an effed up goose but close enough.

What 'm trying to say is that he IS without a doubt, cheating on you--be it physically or emotionally.

Obviously they're both going to lie so confronting them really doesn't do anything except confuse you. I recommend you let him know the next time he receives and deletes a message from her, you're out. And you knowhow to find out from the phone bill. I'm so sorry you're going through this but I'd walk without even letting him explain if it was me.

It's possible nothing physical has happened .. so he's dancing a fine line of what he thinks is still okay. What he's doing is wrong but he's trying to justify it in his mind.

Good move on the therapy appointment. Relationships are tough without trust.

FUCK THAT !!!!! AmIWicked you are a saint, cause I would have flipped my shit !!!!!! If they work together Id go down to his work and let her know she better back the fuck off and Id kick your husbands ass. Im pissed for you and I don't even know you.

Many moons ago, we had one of my DH's many crazy ex stalkers, bugging the heck out of us, someone texted from one of those free online text sites that you can't track and started saying stupid random stuff like, " when are we going to have sex again" and" I had so much fun with you the other night" my DH at that time never went ANYWHERE without me, but at first I reacted and went off on my DH, later after texting the idiot through her random web site text address, she couldn't come up with any facts or any proof and looking at my DH phone logs showed nothing.

I would kick her ass and his ass….to make SURE nothing happens.

Excuse me french.

And you definitely need to let her know that she needs to back off, thats the nicest mistress/wife conversation Ive ever seen in my life.

How dare he, and its the holidays ??? Can you give her 100 bucks ???? I would stomp on his deflated penis, and he needs to call her and end it. Watch he doesn't go buy a throw away phone to keep in contact with her, it seems like you are not thinking divorce so I would cut this crap with them now.

EDITED to remove my foul language.

I'm sorry but the texting at 10 p.m., 12 a.m., and 5 a.m. are all really BIG RED FLAGS to me. Especially if that is out of character for your husbands sleep schedule. I've been in forests less shady than this situation. I encourage you to safe guard your bank account and prepare for the worst. I would even go so far as to watch when he leaves work to see if he walks out with her. Body language reveals a lot when words lie...

Yes and this nasty skanky chick is trying to get someones husband ! When I was younger I did not appreciate marriage as much as I do now. He is TAKEN, she needs to get her own. I would feel so nasty and dumb to touch someone else's husband, don't women like that realize how stupid they look ???

Hes not leaving his wife for you, he has sex with you and goes home to his family, 95 percent of the time these woman are just a hole to empty in, the same as a trash can. He is going to drop you when he gets tired of you, he's not in love with you.

How disgusting, what an asshole. The deceit is what kills me, he was calling her while you were asleep in the next room ????

He's cheating and the woman knows about you.

Why else would he give her a heads up about the phone? I'm sure he didn't call any other friends or family members to let them know he didn't have his phone. What's so special about this woman that he just had to tell her?????

I am so sorry you are going through this.

You should really think about getting in the car and going to the bank. Withdraw half.

When he finds out you called this chick (does he know already?), he probably won't be happy. He knows he was wrong, otherwise he wouldn't have hidden their "friendship." Watch out for gaslighting. "She's a co-worker", "she's a struggling single mother", "we are just friends." Whatever.

I'm so sorry your husband is an ass.

Time to by him a new phone, but he will most definitely be texting her from work phone or calling. I am so pissed for you, that really irks me, the sneaky bullshit.

Oh no, I am so sorry you are going through this. I give you props for calling her up and confronting both of them but I think there is cheating going on whether emotional or physical. I would request a paper copy of your phone record from Verizon. I think there is a way (not sure, I know police can do it, but unsure if you can) to get a copy of all texts that were sent. Then you could see what was all said. I don't know if you want to know what was all said as it could end your marriage, I don't know. Not much advice except hugs sent.

You are far more calm then I am, I would have went to his work and showed my face to her, probably ripped her face off and then beat him up...I know not very Christian of me...I have a temper! I saw you mentioned you were getting baptized with him in less then 48 hours. I am so sorry, I can just imagine what you feel, my DH and I got baptized together and it was a really special moment in our lives. I feel for you because he has jeopardized the special moment with you. Maybe reschedule it? I would because you don't want to look back at your baptism and remember it like this. I don't know. This is just horrible. I hope for your sake it only got as far as emotional so that maybe some therapy will help you with this and help him to realize he is being an ass.

Did she ever send the pic back to your DH's phone?

You gotta find out how long they have been talking and if thats all its been is talking.If its new I think he's just testing the waters. Is she younger than him ? Is he excited cause some dumb twit is giving him attention? Men always want their egos stroked, pathetic. You need to make yourself known to her and (if you are staying) let her know you aren't going anywhere. She's a dumb slut

I have to say, given my affinity for finding anything and everything out, (I admit I have major trust issues) I would be sitting in his work parking lot right now with a cup of coffee and binoculars. I would be waiting to see what happened when he came out. I would be tailing my own husband. I'd want to know if "the other woman" left the same time as him. I'd also be finding a way to go through everything. Including his car. Men are not as clever as they think. They usually leave things in obvious places. Check his trunk, glovebox, console, you name it. I'd also check credit or debit card receipts. You can pull up the transactions online and they will show where and when they were used. In addition, you can get a gps tracking system for his car, unbeknownst to him, for a reasonable price. If his cell phone is older you can "plant" spyware into it. It's relatively easy and cheap. My favorite and the most reliable I've encountered is "WebWatcher". It may sound excessive but knowledge is power... I'd want to know what he was up to.

I'm so sorry you're going through this (((HUGS)))

1. "I asked him about it and he said there is nothing going on. That they are friends." That's what many people in his predicament say when they know they're in danger of being caught.

2. The chat you had with his new "friend" proves that you are a saint. I'd have called her a few filthy names.

3. If he ever has the audacity to ask you to help him in matters relating to his ex-wife, tell him he has a lot of friends who can help him, including this newfound friend of his.

I have been married 30 years to a movie star handsome man. I look like a cross between Carly Simon and Rachael Ray. I'm not a dog but not beautiful- often people who meet DH for the first time are shocked that he picked me lol. I told him early in our marriage that if he ever fell for someone else to have the courtesy to tell me, at the time we lived in a small, gossipy town. I could never, ever do the things you guys describe- follow him, confront the woman- I would just be like "deuces, out". Then I'd take every last dime of his money.

AmIWicked, I can not believe how calm you are. Are you always this calm and cool, have you ever flipped your shit on DH ? I think one of the many factors of why both my not wanting to cheat on DH and him not wanting to cheat on me is fear. I seriously think my DH would kill me if he found out I was cheating, and I most definitely would hurt him, horribly.

Flip out, get wild and crazy, hit him with a wine bottle. Do you live out near me? I need to start hanging out with you.

In all seriousness I am very sorry you are going through this and hope this ends very quickly and they break it off.

I am sorry but this is how i caught my first husband cheating on me. 17 years of marriage and yup!!! He IS cheating on you. If he hasn't had sex with her what is worse is that he is IN A RELATIONSHIP with her. Liar, liar pants on fire. Cheaters always lie. You can catch his hands in cookie jar and he will still lie.

I am very sorry.

What you need is to breathe and let's make a plan. Plan!!!! Now let's back off here. Don't say anymore. This sounds blatent and you know it. However, get your ducks in a row. How many kids involved? How old? Do you have a means to support yourslf? Does he make good money? So let's be smart here and KNOW that you probably are going to rift him sooner or later. So you can wait till you are in better position. I would for a legal consult and look at your reality of your situation. Then plan when you can dump him at YOUR CONVENIENCE.

UGGGH

I hope he pulls his head out his ass and quick if he wants to keep you.

If you feel like you swallowed a peach pit and you are uneasy, you know the answer to your questions. A woman's intuition is her power. Don't ignore it. Also, she answered "found your phone huh?" and then pretended to not know WHO your husband was when you questioned her. THAT is a tell tale sign of a mistress. No mistress wants to get her man in trouble. Dig further, he's cheating.

Hugs to you. Know you are not alone. I am going through something similar. My DH has a history of emotional affairs. Never anything physical. It's a big ego boost when he makes friends with women and he always, always takes it too far. Flirty emails, secret texts, fb inbox.

And it's all in secret (except that he's too stupid to cover his tracks). He says he doesn't intend to appear available, but when his "friend" kisses him in an elevator or sends him a naked selfie, I'm pretty sure nobody would call this normal friendship. But he plays head games and insists these are "just friends." But some guy come on to me the way he comes on to other women? Oh HELL no.

I ripped him a new one. He's in therapy. I am too angry still to consider couples counseling, but might if he gets his head and heart back into our marriage. I don't want to leave him but I will if this doesn't change. He knows it. I have the means and the strength.

Get the book "Chatting or Cheating." It's not expensive. I didn't find all of it useful, but some of it is and it helped me think more logically than emotionally.

I would be really hurt if I saw 170+ texts on my DH phone with another woman. He certainly doesn't send that many texts to me so why would it be ok if he exchanged that many texts with someone else? This really appears to be an emotional affair. I am very sorry for you. This isn't an easy problem to face.

Oh boy I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I've been there before,it's been years since I caught my ex in his emotional affair (and later I caught my DH) but I can still feel my stomach, my air, everything drop out of me when I made that discovery. It was awful. My world stopped, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't see straight... it was different with my DH, I was shocked but I learned from the first time and was like a spy, ninja with my DH. Neither way felt good though, the first time I was a shocked hurt, mess. Second time, I turned into a inquisitor and spy....

My advice is to brace yourself. He's not going to give up information willingly. He may apologize at some point (maybe he already has begun to) and he will swear up and down that the few details he gives you or that you find out on your own, are the extent of what happened with the woman. However slowly you're likely going to get more information... and as you see more parts of the iceberg, it will hurt more. Just when you think you've got a handle on what he did and that you guys are working on it, that he's truly sorry and has come clean, etc BAM you'll learn more. It's a long road when you catch your man having an affair (emotional or otherwise). Brace yourself. Accept that you're not going to know everything that happened. Trust your intuition and don't be afraid to walk away (Even if only temporarily to give yourself time to think).

Slow down your adrenaline if you can. I also called the other woman within a short period after catching her and my ex and made DH call the other woman in my presence. But in retrospect I see that there's no harm in waiting a few days or hours before taking action (any action whether it be calling her, talking to your DH, seeing the therapist, etc). I know you probably feel like your world has been pulled out from under you, you want to figure out what the heck happened and how to make it go back to the way it was. But the truth is that it's already changed going forward, it may not be irreparable, but it has changed and you can't undo that. Take your time, breathe, get your bearings and figure out your next move. take care of yourself. no matter where this goes, there is a journey ahead of you...

much love,
snowdrop

He is cheating, but I'm sure you know that. I agree the night he got home late he was with her. How many other friends does he text like this. And he gave her a heads up not to text or call the phone when you had it. He was covering his arse because he didn't want you to see the kind of texts she was sending. It's not her fault you know, it's his. He's married, he made a commitment to you, not her. Now you know why his ex accused him of cheating. He was. He will deny it of course. Who ever answers when asked if they're cheating, " well, yes, thank you for asking" cheaters are liars by their very nature. And to think he was happy to make a fool out of you by getting a hundred dollars from you to buy her a nice Christmas present.

well let's see ....I am a cheater. Cheated on my first husband, and had an emotional affair with someone during my current marriage,

it went something like this, super handsome, charming man that I have known and worked with for years and I became friends.

we texted and talked constantly. i was having huge issues in my marriage at this time like I was living in hell with my SD who treated me like her slave and DH was not doing a damn thing about it...unhappy wife.

my friend is bipolar, with extreme spots of manic behavior. he and his wife were having issues as well.

we were friends it started out with me telling him all the cons of being divorced with young kids and how he should stay with his wife. by the way he still credits me with the fact that he remained married.

he helped me out by giving different outside view points to my situation.

but there was talk and openness about the physical attraction we felt for each other.

at the height of our texting we could do 200 a day. this went on for three years and finally came to a head in a face to face situation. (we had been out for lunches and stuff plenty of times this time was different)

nothing ever happened between us PHYSICALlY but mentally the deed was already done over the three year span

so knowing who I am and how many times I have traveled this road I would say something is going on it may not be physical but it isnt appropriate either