WILL THE HATE EVER STOP ?
How do I get to the point where I stop hating BIO? I went in this relationship with my husband knowing he had baggage... knowing it wasn't going to be easy.
I tried to invite her to have coffee with me PRIOR to even meeting the kids. Just trying to be friendly so she could meet who was going to be around her children. She refused. She has done NOTHING but try to make life difficult. and especially when it comes to the kids. She refuses to met me ~ still after years. WHICH IS PROBABLY FOR THE BEST. She cancels or doesn't make the Step Kids do events she knows I will be at. It's not fair to the kids. She is the poster child for PA. She has attacked my relationship with my husband saying she knows he's not happy with me.
If I say ~ "hello" she rolls her eyes or just turns around and walks away, tells me not to speak. LOL ~ She acts like a baby. We have never once had a conversation. I've tried. I don;t want the Step kids to think I hate their mother. I don't want them to be stressed.
She goes out of her way to text and call my DH and intrude on our lives when we have the kids or not. Example ~ She knew we were at a theme park with the family ~ and she texts a picture and says "Hey, show this to SD"
To me it's I know your busy with your dad ~ But want to remind you Hey I'm your mom ! Don't forget about me!!!!
Stupid stuff she can show the kids when she sees him the next day. It's purposely done to try to get attention. Either away from their father or to get DH attention away from me.
My husband has check in calls with the kids twice a day. I think it's
excessive. But ~ I would never complain about it. One at after school or mid day and one at goodnight time. He has the kids 8-9 overnights a month. I think Bio has the kids call midday ~ so SHE can get on the phone. because there is not a day that goes by that BIO doesn't need to speak to my DH. The stepkids are in middle and Elementary school. They can speak for themselves. I don't see a need for so much communication between BIO and DH. She speaks to my husband at least once a day. But tries several times a day. If he does not answer or respond to him it's WW3 and she makes him feel guilty and tells him he doesn't care about the kids. Knowing that she has a chance to talk to him at goodnight call and if she tried in between and he doesn't respond. Example the other day. They had just had mid day call she spoke to DH. She called back a few hours later while he was working. He has told her several times he can't talk while working. He takes a short break to speak to the kids mid day. She left a VM that she needed to tell him something about the kids. He was WORKING so he couldn't answer or call her back and he knew he could speak to her at goodnight call which was 3 hours away. Goodnight call came and went she didn't even get on the phone. So he figured it wasn't anything emergency. Next day at mid day call she screams and yells at him and said well since you didn't call me back you must not care about your children so I didn't feel the need to tell you at goodnight call that I made a check up doctors appointment for the kids. But you must hate your children because you were too busy to call me back. Why couldn't she of just left that as the voicemail? "HEY just wanted to let you know I made a check up appointment for the kids.. it's on Monday at BLAH BLAH..." but no ~ she had to make it seem like he hates his children because he is not at her beck and call. I would understand if it was DAYS not HOURS that went by. Then she was mad and too much of a baby to tell him at goodnight call. She is just so mean and evil.
Will it every stop? I have so much HATE for her. It's building up more and more.
You cannot control BM. You
You cannot control BM. You can only control yourself and your reactions. Stop letting her rent space in your head - it will only drive you crazy.
Face it: she doesn't want to speak with you or have any type of cordial relationship. That's the bottom line. So... resign yourself to this and move forward.
BM treats your DH like crap? Out of your control. He can either continue to let her bash him or get some backbone, tell her he will speak to her when she's in control of her temper, and hang up.
BM calls constantly to talk to the skids? Out of your control. Unless she's calling/texting YOUR phone. Forget that. BLOCK HER. Contact should be exclusively with your DH and the skids.
I have NO desire to speak to BioHo. To tell the truth, her voice grates on my nerves and I'd like to stuff a garbage truck down her throat. What do I do? Put on a mental pair of blinders and IGNORE HER. I don't look at her. I don't speak to her. As far as I'm concerned, she is invisible.
When I was first with my DH,
When I was first with my DH, his ex of 15 years was still texting and emailing him every little detail about the skids, who were already older teenagers at the time. I watched in fascination how she manipulated him, hurt his feelings, sent really nasty unwarranted messages. He was SOOO used to placating her "the dragon" that to this day he still says "ugh don't get her mad".
I,didn't say a word until he complained about feeling hurt. My reply "you let her do it to you. Establish some boundaries for what is acceptable and communicate those to her." He did. He told her to stfu and piss off. It worked. he was in a pattern with her that je did not think he could break.
Well, my approach was, knowing one day I would have to encounter her, I just told DH that I had no interest whatever in giving her space in my head after seeing what she's done to him. He thinks all women are nags, and is often surprised when I just chill about stuff.
We did cross paths at a sporting event, and she came up,to DH and casually said hi. I totally blanked her and sent a clear message we have all moved on. The skids don't even mention her to me and I'm really good with that. She can say what she wants, because I genuinely don't give a hoot. You might benefit from the same approach.
If skids are that old dad can
If skids are that old dad can get a dumbphone for them to share for talks with dad.
All communications with BM go through Our Family Wizard or similar app. The skids phone is answered and dialed out on only by skids. Heck, he can get them smart phones if he wants but one dumb phone between them would be pretty cheap. And so worth it to cut down on hearing that woman's voice.
For the record, SM and BM sitting down for coffee and blather at first meet is not a popular idea around here. Now you are seeing why. You would have just been miserable and astonished at this coffee date. Our bm and I are cordial and can even be chatty when we must see each other. There was a time in the first year she wanted dinner with me and dh but Warning Will Robinson was ringing through both our heads and we declined. We have never regretted that.
So even though BM and I are nominally friendly, such a meeting was not desirable. Now that I know her better, I believe her agenda at that time was to see if she could enlist me in her contempt of dh and make him the butt of jokes and so forth. Also to lay out a regimen wherein DH and I were to kiss the ring of SD at our house per BM's orders. Neither one of those was ever gonna happen so why live through her sales pitch. Just blech.
I so wish he would use the
I so wish he would use the Family Wizard. DH says Bio wouldn't ever use it and he would know nothing about their life.
Bio is a control freak. They could call him on their ipads and facetime and say goodnight. BUT, BIO makes them do it from her phone. She likes to be there and listen and but in when she wants to correct them as they talk.
I don't see why BIO & DH have to talk everyday. The Stepkids have two phone calls a day with their father and 8+ Overnights a month. They can talk to him for themselves. There is not enough medical or school info for BIO to have info on a daily basis for DH. Plus every drop off and pick up they chit chat for a bit. I understand there needs to be some communication between ex spouses with children but not every day. Sometimes multiple times a day.