Advice before going to court?
A little back story. I have one ss, 11 and my dh and I have been married for a year and a half. BM is remarried as well, but just filed for divorce. My DH and the BM went to court about 5 years ago and she was given "primary" custody. There's been a lot going on and we have decided to take her to court. SO....we retained an attorney today. I work as a paralegal, but not in family law, and have never been through a court matter on my own. I'm really hoping that we get custody or at least more custody then we have, because we have a much better home environment for him. I have faith in the attorney and in the "system". I know it's going to be alot for us all to handle. Does anyone have any advice? First of all, I was wondering if we should let my ss know that we are filing the papers to move forward? He knows that the judge makes the decision, but should we involve him or just wait until we go to court? I have a feeling bm will tell him as soon as she is served with papers. Any advice on what to expect would be great! We are in NC.
"you have faith the system?!
"you have faith the system?! my advice, lose that faith because you are only bound for disappoinment! "
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This is where DH & I are with the system...for real.
Heehee!
Heehee!
system had failed DH and
system had failed DH and myself so many times as well. BUT it doesnt mean thats what will happen in your case. Good luck, but dont be surprised either.
Please, please, please do not
Please, please, please do not let ss hear anything about it. Protect him from it as much as possible. If BM involves him, she is a selfish pig and that is on her. I think its hard to change a custody order unless BM agrees. i personally would file my own papers, you have first hearing in our town with an officer of the court, and if anyone disagrees then you go in front of judge. Then, and maybe, then would i get a lawyer.
We have one of the best
We have one of the best attorneys in this town, a man, who handles almost only father's cases. So we are lucky there. I say I have faith in the system, but really I have faith in the fact that God does things for a reason. We are looking for whatever we can get custody wise. We have the bare minimum at the moment (dh didn't have an attorney the first time around). We would LOVE primary custody, but would be just as happy with 50/50 or just a couple more nights a month. BM is an okay mom, but just doesn't care (if that makes any sense). We have been documenting everything for three or four years and will continue to do so. Thanks!
Your best bet is to NOT go
Your best bet is to NOT go into court with a smear campaign against the mom. Your DH needs to focus on how important his role is in the child's life, how it can only be improved if he were to be able to spend even more time with the child.
How close to you live to BM? How old is the child? 50/50 isn't impossible but it requires civil communication between the parties and lots of co-parenting. He needs to show the court how he can do these things in the best interest of the kid.
The courts don't expect the exes to like eachother so they expect the smear campaigns and usually ignore them.
Don't worry about BM "not caring" worry instead on how the child can benefit from spending some more time with dad.
We are in NC too, and DH was
We are in NC too, and DH was able to obtain custody through the court system in Meck Co. Documentation was key, esp of medical and schooling. Not to mention, BM's lifestyle of multiple boyfriends, not following parenting agreement set up through mediation, moving the kids in with a boyfriend, the list goes on and on.
DH provided documentation against the BM (it's not really a smear campaign when it's facts backed up with documentation, and it's negatively affecting the kids), but also documentation that he was the one going behind her and cleaning up the mess she was making for the kids. He got them up to date on immunizations (she claims she was a loving wife and mother, but has missed doc appointments for the past 5 years... kids were almost booted from school), stayed in touch with teachers by going to teachers meetings, open houses, pre-k and kindergarten graduations (all of which BM missed).
It's also a good idea to bring your journal, if you kept one. If you haven't started one, start one.