Bad environment, one child wants to go, the other wants to stay
Last night my DH received a phone call from his 13 year old daughter stating she wanted to come live with us. (We live in a different state) She explained that all household chores are being done by her (i.e.- cooking, cleaning, washing clothes for her, her younger sister and their mother)She also states that they rarely eat dinner because the BM is always asleep during the day (she is unemployed) and that she can hardly sleep at night because BM is awake all night with her live in boyfriend (who, lo and behold is also unemployed) My other SD who is 10, holds the BM in the highest regard. (Basically, I just think she has been brainwashed) The BM has already had CPS called on her twice, and once while they were there, they saw a marijuana pipe on her coffee table, in which she was served a warrant. The 13 y/o SD had missed 85 days of school last year, and at the time the BM had a different live in boyfriend with several outstanding warrants. He vandalized their house, shot through windows and stole money. (He was later taken to jail) My question is, if we went to go to court to take the 13 y/o, wouldn't we have to take the 10 y/o as well even though she doesnt want to leave her BM? Has anyone went through this before? Would the judge see this as an unfit living environment for both children?
that's difficult
We have eow with one SD (12) and every other week with her older sister (15). Same scenario, older daughter is sick of her lazy mother's crap, younger daughter thinks her mother walks on water and her mother treats her like a 2 year old. It's difficult to split up the siblings. We ended up settling out of court for every other week with the older daughter.
Same Question but is Texas Different?
Sorry, I can't help you because I kind of have the same question. Each state has different laws but I can't find anything very solid on the internet for Texas. What if one child (who is at the age where he can say he wants to live with whichever parent) wants to go and the other (who isn't at the age yet) wants to stay? If one kid wants to go, do both of them have to?
Dispy, have you looked up the laws for your state? In California, it says each child is allowed to make their own decision at the legal age. I do not have the website for that. I got that information from my brother who works for family law in California.
"Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves." ~ Abraham Lincoln
My view.
Each state has different laws. We have talked to our lawyers about one SD moving in with us. If the courts see that the mother is an unfit parent and there is proof of drug possession at her residency the judge will remove that child out of her house and she will lose full custody. If there is no proof....the child does have the right to choose as long as she is considered mature. Mature in Nebraska is 14 years old. Most judges will not separate sisters but it depends on how strongly the child objects to living with the other parent. Good luck.
How come the oldest gets it?
Isn't that strange, same thing here. Oldest moved in with us when she turned 16, the younger one, now 15 thinks mom walks on water. Oldest one realized she was being raised in a negative environment and was sick of hearing horrible things about her father and I. She knew it wasn't true, asked her mom to stop and gave up and moved out. Mom didn't talk to her for months after and they finally 2 yrs later talk and visit regularly, I've always encouraged her to keep a relationship with mom. The younger one tho, thinks mom is right about everything all the time and always has something negative to say. We try to ignore it and just keep things positive. If she ever needs to vent we let her but would never encourage her to say something bad aboiut mom. Does anyone know why it's the oldest that gets it and the youngest following moms footsteps??
the oldest remembers, but so does our youngest!
ME TOO! older SS-14 wants out in a bad way, younger SD-11 acts terrified of BF & I. Older child remembers the way things were when BF & BM where together, for younger, BM paints a pretty picture. It's called Parental Alienation Syndrome. I found out about it on Father's Rights web page. BM being investigated by CPS, AGAIN (5th time we know of) and still can't get either kid out. SD is in a bad place though if left behind and SS comes to us. She has always been responsible for covering up BM's abuse, even being molested by BM'S X LIBF. SD confided in me that if she told BM would let X BF kill her! Now she's clammed up, won't repeat a word to any one because she trusted I would get her out, and I failed. I feel like I deserve her rage, i promised if we told the truth she would be taken out, and I was wrong. Easy for every one to believe what she says now, SPs are evil, so are men including BF. SS even returned to BM after she kicked him out last week into the snow. LS & ST called BF to come get him. CPS idiot called back, said SS needs BM's PERMISSION to go with him. I thought that if you throw something out, you had no more legal claim over it. BF and I have CC-8, she cries at night for sibs., can't focus in school either. We haven't slept right or ate much in weeks. Is there any real hope for any of us?
The same situation...that is why we are going back to court
In the state of Ohio, the child's opinion is considered but its not 100% guarantee. They look at the entire picture. I think that is what the BM in my life is counting on.
I am recently married and my H has 3 boys. The oldest 2 live with him and the youngest with her. I guess in Ohio they don't have a problem splitting up boys.
For 2 years after my H threw her out (she was cheating on him with her current husband) she didn't want to have anything to do with the oldest 2. She has mainly been into herself and barely communicated with my H until we got engaged. Now she believes she is the better parent and had a fit when they seemed to be getting close to me once we decided to get married that's when the drama of the week happens.
Mainly emails that stated she wanted my H to pay 100% financial for all 3 boys in return she would have custody and she stated be generous in visitation (the nights she goes to the bars)
My oldest SS gets away with murder over there. There isn't really any rules. BM can't seem to pay attention to more than one child at a time and since I have been in the picture she is focusing all attention to him. Now the youngest SS (the one she doted over the last 3 years) is now in the outs. He announced to her before school started that he wanted to live with us. The BM since this past summer has been trying to get the 2 my H has living with him. He has 3 boys and she settled for the youngest with her. So, I guess in Ohio, it doesn't matter that they split up siblings. Anywho, she finally badgered the middle child (which she has being saying that he is Autistic and trying to get disability on him since he's been a baby...surprise he's been living mostly full-time with his Dad he is now cured!!) until he agreed to live with her. The 2nd summer visitation drove her nuts that they were with me. She bad mouths me to them about how I don't care about them and how I don't want them around. Its funny she can make these comments and I have physically met her once. I saw her in the grocery store last year about this time and she "ran away" from me. She then called the oldest to say that she saw me in the store and I was being mean to her.
The oldest is confused because he wants to believe his BM..hello?? your BM constantly lies to you what do you think that does to one emotionally. BM had him so convinced that we didn't want him during the summer my H didn't see him for a month.
She is always claiming to be a victim. Well, either she is really not that bright or just plain dillusional. She is taking my H back to court for phyisical and psychological harm. Our attorney has still yet to get her "proof" that she is supposed to supply to the hearing. What she doesn't know is that I kept documentation for over and year and since my H was served. She is down some dumb and selfish stunts since then!! You would think you would need to be on your best behavior when you are trying to sue for custody.
I knew what I was getting into when I got married but at the time we started dated she barely called my H (until she served him it was 5-7 times a day) I support my H and we have hired a shark of an attorney. She sees the children has pay checks (now there is shared parenting with no child support) She makes more money on the hour than my H and always tells the kids that she has none and still blames my H for her financial problems. BM loves to tell them everything bad that she has been holding onto for 4 years. My H worked 3 jobs for her and that wasn't enough money for her.....She honestly thinks he makes a lot more money than she does, convinced the boys to live with her then she will have her payday!! Since the filing the youngest 2 want to be with us. They see more of the reality of what is going on then my oldest SS. He only sees freedom.
So I am going to try to keep the insanity.......I have 7 years to go.