Custody case is almost 9 months in...
***Background on our family.***
I've been with DH since before SS3's birth. BM actually threw DH to the streets shortly after getting pregnant. DH moved back to his homestate (they met online) because he had nowhere else to go. DH kept trying to talk to BM, but she told him that the baby wasn't his. DH continue trying to contact her and so about a month after their breakup, she told DH that she miscarried SS. I met DH in August and we moved into our own place in January.
At the end of January, DH got a random msg on myspace from a fake profile telling him he was a father to a little boy. Come to find out, BM didn't miscarry and SS was born at 34 wks and in the NCIU for approx 2 wks (they refuse to tell us exactly). DH contacted OH CS and let them know that he believed SS to be his son, but he kept getting dead ends. In May, DH got an order for a paternity test. The results came back in August and CS started in September. DH met SS3 (9 months at the time) in October, but BM refused to sign paperwork allowing him "rights" to SS. Atty at the time finally filed paperwork, but it wasn't was DH & BM had agreed to in his office because BM refused to sign afterwards. So, DH got standard local visits in March of the following year.
Our first visit was in May, BM was an hour and a half late and cut the visit by another 30 minutes at the end. Mind you, DH and I drove EIGHT hours for that visit. Next visit was set up for father's day weekend, BM and DH had set it in stone. BM waited the the weekend before and msg DH online saying she had "family" stuff to take care of and we had to reschedule. DH refused and after about a day of fighting, BM agreed to let DH have SS for the weekend in their town. We found out right before the visit that BM had actually met another guy online and was trying to take SS across the country to visit him for father's day weekend.
We had court at the begining of August because BM had said she was moving SS 1200 miles away and DH would just have to "deal with it." DH filed a motion preventing her from moving SS out of their state because we were suppose to move their to make visits easier. BM refused to let us take SS with us then. So, next visit didn't happen until mid August. SS came to MO with us for 2 wks and BM constantly sent threatening txt msgs to DH. If he didn't respond to her immediately, BM would tell him she wanted HER son home RIGHT NOW. Found out that BM had been teaching SS to call HER FATHER "da da".
After we dropped SS at home, BM and her parents skipped town and reloacted. Courts gave her a slap on the wrist. DH had court in January to hold BM in contempt and to finally get the "anwsers" to the discovery our atty requested. BM refused and didn't show to court. BM had newest son in April and we had our custody hearing at the end of May. BM got the money to go back to OH and didn't even bother to show up for court because she was trying to see the other baby daddy.
In three days, we'll have waited a total of NINE months for a custody verdict in our case. I think that's beyond rediculous, but what can you do? Currently BM has full custody of SS3, DH has visitations that happen few and far between literally. Our last visit was this past January and the one previous was this past August. Before that, it had been a year.
BM doesn't seem to concern herself with SS3 as much as she does with her newest son (she's not with his father either). SS3 is raised by her parents, who are both over 50 and not in good health. Both children really are raised by her parents (she lives with them) because she spends most of her time out partying. She's 27 (28 in June) and she's literally only ever held a job for 2 months and that was only so she could file taxes this year. SS3 is always sick and apparently her newest son is as well because they have to have breathing treatments everyday. SS3 doesn't have to have them at our house at all. So, DH and I believe it may be the ciggerette smoke affecting SS. BM is constantly bringing home new guys. Since DH, BM has had (at minimum) 12 different guys in his life. I don't think it's healthy for SS.
I dont want to take SS away from her completely, but I'd prefer him live with us because our enviroment in more stable than hers seems to be. I'd like for us to all get along for SS's sake, but it seems everytime she breaks up with a guy she needs to pick fights with DH constantly. I just really... I guess I'm just venting because I'm sooooo frustrated with the whole situation. 
ooooooh that is bullshit! I
ooooooh that is bullshit! I got pissed for you just reading your post!!! I can only say what others have told me to do, record record record!!! EVERYTHING she does record it! GEt ahold of his medical records (have your lawyer subpoena them if you cant) anything that can prove that your SS is NOT in a good enviroment with that woman. Best of luck to you! Keep us updated on how it goes !
Oh, I do. I've recorded her
Oh, I do. I've recorded her facebook and myspace status since SS's birth (her pages are public). I record anything she uploads if it seems off to me. She's not the brightest crayon in the box. So, that's always come pretty easy. BM actually uploaded a picture of SS sitting in her lap while they were driving somewhere once. She's loopy.
), but I know that I love SS with everything in me and it drives me stark raving mad how she acts like he's her parents kid until she wants something. She literally won't give DH updates on him until after she asks where her CS check is. Mind you, DH's CS is garnished from his check. So, I really don't even understand why she bothers DH about the CS. She'll even sometimes text DH saying that SS needs diapers or once (when SS was 1), she texted DH saying she needed money for lice medicine for SS.
BM drives me BONKERS! Biologically, I'm not a mother yet (2 miscarriages
I guess my whole point is, if you don't care enough for your son to even show up and fight for custody. WHY can't DH and I (who really, really would LOVE to have him living with us) have him to raise and she just take the visitations? Oh, that's right, the tax return and CS. And, yes, I know for sure that he's nothing but a paycheck to them. Her mother actually posted on FB saying that she was gonna take a class so she could get PAID to watch him when BM was in cosmotology school.
Do we have the same BM lol?
Do we have the same BM lol? I swear that our BM sounds just like yours. Lice medicine for a 1 year old? Really? Wow...I totally get where you are coming from too. I would rather have my SSs safe with me and their father, because I really don't trust BM with them.
I'm glad I'm not the only one
I'm glad I'm not the only one that's like "wtf" about the lice meds. BM claimed he got it from his cousin when they visited. We've found a tick latched on to him before (we had him only like 2 hrs and he'd been asleep most of that time). His first visit back to MO with us, he actually wanted to be put in his crib with his pacifer and few toys. I've never encountered a child that WANTED to stay in the crib. When we tried breaking him of the binkie, he'd cry "Mommy" and reach for his binkie. Yeah, he really called it that.. To this day he STILL calls HER dad "da da," which I think is disgusting and will cause confusion later on. Unless we get custody/more visits I don't know how we'll be able to change that, though.
I'm actually amazed to see how many BMs are like ours. I just don't understand how a mother could carry a child or 9 months and then deliver said child and have such disreguard for the child.
Sometimes I think I cross that "line" that society has put between steps, but I could really careless. SS calls me "mama". Not my decsion, that's totally on him. He knows my name because when he'd say "what you name?", I'd tell him and he's said it if I don't anwser him at first. He's my baby too and I just want him safe and stable. I really don't think that's too much to ask, honestly.
To an extent, yes, but you
To an extent, yes, but you have to actually seem to care about your child for that to be the case. She ignores his mere exsistance unless it's in HER best interest. For example, when she changes her flavor of the month THEN he's important and she spends time with him and his brother. It's mostly his younger brother though! >_<
Well, if your BM is crazy,
Well, if your BM is crazy, expect to wait much longer.
We're a year and 5 months in, CO STILL NOT IN PLACE even after all this time (lawyers negotiating back and forth ever since SS's BIRTH.) CS still not finalized, visitation nowhere near being addressed. I was advised to stop thinking about it and let the lawyer handle it, being upset will not make it go any faster. I swear, the only ones who get anything out of this are the lawyers who want money.
Thank you. I try not to focus
Thank you. I try not to focus on the time that it's been, but then she pulls little stunts. Her latest is MOVING and leaving SS3 with HER parents "temporarily". That's what frustrates me so much with the whole thing.
Your BM sounds very similar
Your BM sounds very similar to the BM I have. You know it is about the money when in mediation she actually accused DH of wanting more time so he could pay less CS. I really hope things improve for you. DH and I want to go for custody, we just don't have the funds for it. You know my SS5 is not in a safe environment while at the age of 3 he had staples in his head, and knocked out a front tooth while falling down the stairs. SS half brother at 18 months had a broken leg. Just crazy. I called CPS, and very little was done. BM threw a fit about us calling. She knew it was us because no one in her family see's anything wrong with it. Just this past January I had to call CPS again because he had the grab mark bruise on his arm. You could clearly see where someones fingers were when they had a hold of him. This time, we didn't hear anything. She probably thinks his teacher called. SS has "bad lungs" like DH does. SS has a blankie that he takes everywhere with him. BM NEVER washes it. That thing smells like a combo of wet dog and cat urine. The first thing he does when he wakes up in the morning is puts it to his nose and smells it. He then proceeds to hack up a lung. We only get SS everyother weekend, so the blankie gets washed every other weekend. We will wash it 2 and 3 times in a row.
Your SS having lice at 1 is just insane. If you haven't gotten CPS involved, you may want to try. They don't seem to do a lot when a step parent calls. I had a police officer tell me that CPS generally thinks that it is just a parent trying to cause trouble. I was so pissed when I heard that. I wouldn't call CPS if I weren't concerned about the child's safety.
But, anyway, I wish you luck in your custody case. I sincerely hope the judge makes the right decision and places your SS in your care.