Going through court in the UK - anyone else?
Hey, I'm new to this site and haven't quite worked out how to post comments so hopefully I'll do better at posting a topic!
My partner and I have been together almost two years and I consider myself to be SM to his three kids (SS13 from BM1, SS12 and SD9 from BM2). We're currently going through court to get a Child Arrangement Order (in England) and it's destroying me. I'd really like to hear about other people's experiences all over the world but especially in the UK if there are any!
It's a long story and I'm sure many of you can relate to the absolute HELL we're getting from BM2, but in the interest of not sending you all to sleep I'll try to keep it brief. My partner works shifts and we live 20 miles away from BMs & skids (that probably sounds like nothing to those is the US lol, but it's made BM2 even more mental, I think because she doesn't have BF around the corner anymore where she could turn up screaming with crying kids in the car - ah the good old days). She's convinced herself and somehow her POS solicitor that the only possible outcome of court will be every other weekend - not taking into account my partner's shift pattern, or the fact that skids want more than that and so do we. I think she's getting her advice from a parenting book from the 1980's.
BM2 would constantly change plans for when we would have skids, and the thing that drove us to court was her witholding them as punishment when BF didn't succumb to her demands. So now we're arguing through solicitors and BM2 is making ridiculous (often hilarious -or so I'll hopefully think when it's all over) accusations. For example, she's accusing BF of bringing the skids into arguments and using them to make plans, but that's what SHE does (she won't call him to ask something but will get skids to do it and then they get upset/confused when they don't really know what they're asking or when daddy has to tell them no). She's accused BF of not answering the phone when the skids are with us - SHE DIDNT ALLOW US TO SPEAK TO SD ON HER BIRTHDAY! Anyway, solicitors are arguing but it's getting to me and making me miserable. Me and my partner are arguing all the time and I don't have any stepmum friends who get where I'm coming from, so I've turned to the trusty internet for some reassurance/support/humour and would welcome anyone else's story or advice...
Look, you have to stop
Look, you have to stop allowing BM to play you to the point that it causes disharmony between you and your SO. You two are a team, equity life partners, and equity parents to your Skids when they are in your home. Do not allow BM get into your head.
My bride of 20+ years and I have made a successful blended family, our family is the two of us and SS-22, and we did that by teaming to keep the blended family opposition/Sperm Idiot and Sperm Clan pummeled into submission. We got so good at it that I quite enjoyed beating their asses every time they so much as twitched out of compliance with the Court Order. We are in the US but I see no reason why you can't use the same strategy in protecting your blended family from the toxic womb donor in the UK.
Deep breaths, relax, document, document, document the BMs toxic bullshit, and take care of yourself, your relationship, and your Skids.
IMHO of course and good luck.
Most of all, have fun shredding the BM's idiot ass in court. }:)