Grandparent time
I'll try to make this short....my DH and BM were never married and hardly together - tried to make it work and it didn't. July 2009 SS is born, BM moves in with her mom and stepdad, BM says to get a lawyer.
Feb of 2010 BM is awarded sole legal and pysical custody, DH is awarded 3 PT days of increasing length with one overnight every Saturday night to start when SS is one.
Keep in mind, BM is still living with her mom...95% of the time it's BM dropping off to DH but 95% of the time DH returns SS to BM's grandma due to BM working as a bartender plus going to school.
Flash forward to July 2011, BM and DH have joint birthday party for SS because things are much better and want to show unity. BM calls the night before because all sorts of drama with her mom and none of her family coming, blah, blah, blah - they all end up coming and party goes well. BM comes to our house after and talks to DH for an hour and a half about not being able to live with her mom anymore, wants to move into apartment, will need DH to have more overnights and knows they will need to adjust CS, etc. DH is very supportive, emphasizing that he wants her to finish school and help whenever she needs it....his parents, my parents, his sister are all available and support her and will help whenever they can. BM's mom flips saying she will seek custody for all that she has done etc....BM stalls but eventually moves out September 2011.
BM and DH discussed it and agreed to let BM's mom have SS2 on her day off every week instead of going to daycare. Now BM's mom wants one of DH's overnights! DH HAS WAITED 2 YEARS to have what he should have had in the first place and in less than a month BM's mom is playing the victim and threatening to sue for more custody. My question is if BM and DH have agreed and are working on changing the CS does BM's mom have any hope of getting even a hearing let alone any court ordered time? Shouldn't BM have to find time with her mom or family on her time like we do on our time?!! I'm just concerned that things are going so well between BM and DH that this wacko grandma will ruin it somehow!!!!
You need to go to court and
You need to go to court and get something in writing. Grandparents only have rights on a state by state basis. You need to research it. But, I doubt a judge would give her visitation over the father. Get a lawyer now.
It depends on your
It depends on your state/country.
In Michigan USA grandparents have no rights if both biologial parents agree. BM would have to support grandma's petition for grand parenting time. As long as your DH and BM are on the same page then there is NOTHING that grandma can do about it.
I dont know if that is a fact in your state though.
the grandma doesn't have any
the grandma doesn't have any legal rights to the kid unless the parents/parent is not capable of taking care of the child (i.e drugs, mental issues). Parenting is for the parents it would be different if she was a legal guardian but it sounds like she is not. She can be upset all she wants but that is an issue between her and her daughter, its not you DH's fault that BM took advantage of her mom as a babysitter.
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JOJOBO - thanks for that
JOJOBO - thanks for that link!
Echo - that is exactly how we feel and DH has politely said to BM that it's up to her to find time with grandma on her time as we do with our families on our time. He even expressed that he was insulted that the grandma thinks she is entitled to one of his over nights.... but I think BM has a hard time standing up to her own mother (and it's not just her - her sister moved to NC to get away from this woman)... I have always suspected that grandma has been behind a lot of the BS over the past 2 years hence why things have been so wonderful since BM moved out of her house. And to BM's credit, she told DH that it's up to him and she agrees with him but she promised her mom she would have the conversation.
the scary part is this grandma has enough money and arrogance to go to court. part of me says 'bring it on' because how could anyone say this is in the best interest of SS2? But I said that the first time and felt like DH got a lousy hand dealt to him. The 2 years living in Grandma's house is the terrifying part - it definitely establishes her as a force in SS2's life