Quick question for those in Texas....
So, we've had issues for almost 6 years now with BM (since SD8 was 3) and it's only getting worse. BM sent a letter to DH the other day stating that he must seek her approval before allowing SD to spend time with anyone else but DH during his visitation/possession (which is not true). DH expressed wanting to buy SD8 a cheap, prepaid cell phone for her bday so that SD8 can call him when or he can call her without having to go through BM (who often will ignore calls or give the 'she's busy with homework' or 'she's in the bath' response when he does call) and BM stated that she disagrees with SD8 having a cell phone at this age and will refuse to allow SD8 to bring it home. BM said she'd just send it right back to our house...and DH said he'd make sure SD8 took it home again. BM then said she'd not be responsible for it "if it went missing the first day she got it" and we took that as a threat/promise that BM will toss the phone. DH told BM that she couldn't do things like that and BM said she didn't agree with it so she wasn't going to help him out with it at all. BM also said she didn't want SD8 to get a cell phone because she'd "have to listen to SD7 (BMs skid) whine and cry about not having one." BM stated that as long as she provides DH with a phone number she's providing access to SD8 via telephone but that's not entirely true if he's not ever able to actually SPEAK with SD8. We also remember reading something somewhere that CPs aren't allowed to prohibit children from bringing belongings to/from homes, nor are they allowed to prohibit children from receiving and keeping gifts from NCPs at CPs home.
DH had a long talk with BM about everything and kept telling her that they needed to work together to co-parent and that it was best for SD8 (who is wrecked with anxiety and all sorts of other issues stemming from YEARS of alienating at the hands of BM and SD8's step-dad). DH asked point blank if BM was willing to work with him to co-parent and BM said "no" -- what the hell?
SD8 is in counseling and DH spoke to the counselor who suggested DH do things to make SD8 feel more "connected to and part of" his family. This was DH's way of establishing that connection in absence of physical proximity but BM seems determined to keep that from happening. It's a no win situation with the crazy nut -- BMs pissed if DH retracts and pissed if he's involved. There is never a happy medium unless DH gives BM exactly what she wants, when she wants it.
Does anyone have any experience with this in Texas? What -- legally -- can DH do to protect his access to SD8 before BM completely ruins SD and turns her against her Dad? We've been battling this for YEARS AND YEARS (I could write a novel from all the examples and situations we've endured, just like most others on this site!!) and it is to the point that DH feels like it's hopeless. There isn't any point to try and fight BM because it's not going to matter...but I'm determined to be supportive and help him through this if at all possible. Can't DH drag her a$$ to court for this kind of stuff? Anyone have any luck with it?
What a mess! Pretty sure she
What a mess!
Pretty sure she cannot control who is with DH when it's his turn for visitation -- not unless that is specifically written into the decree, and I'd be mighty surprised if it were. It's none of her business -not morally, not legally.
My DH's decree has explicit wording about not preventing contact -- you need to look at yours and see. If it does, then yes, I'd start documenting and threaten to take her back to court.
Unless there is a First Right
Unless there is a First Right of Refusal in the CO, BM is talking out of her butt. In SOs CO, it says each parent has the right to assign other responsible adults to pick up &/or care for the kids.
Does the CO have specific times/dates for phone access? If so, BM is in violation every time she denies access. But you would need to drag her but into court for enforcment.
As far as the cell goes, no, DH cannot force BM to to keep the phone. Her home, her rules.
I'd Start communication in writing only when dealing with BM so that when you do go to court, you have proof of alienation.
Good luck, it's not the easiest situation to deal with, for sure!
Well, he could file for an
Well, he could file for an order allowing specified times of telephone contact.
BM can't control what he does on his time (barring a restraining order or something.)
Likewise, DH can't control what BM does on her time (like the cell phone.)
It made me giggle to see both parties here trying to control what happens in the other home all while saying the other party can't control THEIR home. Hee hee. Anyone else see it?
If DH gets the cell phone, it is totally within BM's right to make SD leave it at your house or to turn it off and hide it when SD is home. Some parents find cell phone contact rathing restrictive interfers with parenting time. It is also possible that SD IS in the bath or doing homework when DH calls... of course, it's possible she's not.
I'm not sure I understand
I'm not sure I understand your perception. :?
I in no way indicated that DH was looking to control what goes on in BM's home. He's never tried to do that and has been more than respectful of "her home, her rules." His only opposition to BM's refusal to allow SD8 to have the phone is a) she's never available when he calls, and b) it's a gift from him which BM is NOT allowed to refuse SD8 to accept and/or keep. He even offered to let BM establish the "ground rules" since the phone would be with SD8 while she was at home (she, of course, would be allowed to have it here, too). He even went as far as to say that BM could just call SD8 on it when SD8 is here for the summer.
He doesn't care what BM does with her time, her home, or her life -- his only concern is SD8, which at this point doesn't even seem to matter to BM anymore. He's not looking to control what happens in BMs home - he just wants to be able to talk to his kid, that's all.
"Elizabeth Ramsey said she
"Elizabeth Ramsey said she tried to feed the boy more regular meals, but his health declined when Aaron Ramsey took over feeding. As the boy’s weight plummeted, Johnathan began to look “like one of those kids you see on commercials from Africa,” she told police.". The father (an army vet) admitted to feeding the kid bread, water & sometimes milk.
To lay the bulk of the blame with the SM is wrong. I have honestly heard of far more Bio's causing injury &/or death to their own children than the SP's...just saying...
In Texas? lol Nothing. Rick
In Texas? lol Nothing. Rick Perry loves CS and that's all he's ever concerned about. Nothing. Texas courts, nor CPS, care one single bit about a CP alienating the kid...as long as the dad pays CS and Mr. Perry gets his share for his lovely state, he could care less. Good luck.
PS - unless in the CO, dad can spend his time however he wants when it's his visitation time. Idiot BM tried to tell DH where he could take and not take the kid while she visited...she would call every freaking night to see if he was out or not...he finally told her to #$%#$% herself and to take him to court. She knew the courts would tell her to take a hike...it's just a way for mothers to manipulate the ex.
My brother won full custody
My brother won full custody of his 2 kids due to PAS, among other issues in Harris County.
Guess it depends on which judge you get.
I'm from Texas and the courts
I'm from Texas and the courts are not going to remove a child from the mother unless their is likely physical harm to the child. As one poster already said, Rick Perry (our infamous governor) has gone a long way in allowing PAS with many courts in our great state.
I know because I've dealt with PAS for the entire time since the divorce from my ex. Wasted a lot of money whenever it was proven with substantial documentation the many violations of the court order that she had done to effectively alienate my children from me. Judge wouldn't rule at all in the case except to send it to mediation which was an absolute waste of time because there was no agreement to change by my ex...except to get mad and storm out of the mediation hearing with me and the attorneys sitting there in stunned silence and disbelief. Result was that judge did absolutely nothing except to admonish us to "get along with one another". So, she effectively was given a pass to continue doing what the court order said not to do.
So, unfortunately you will most likely have to tough it out and make the best of a bad situation. Eventually the kids will begin to step out on their own and insist upon their time with the alienated parent. The key on your part is to be persistent and consistent as you reach out to your child. You also need to understand that you cannot control each other's households. If you want your daughter to have a cell phone, that's your business. But, it is not your business to insist that it be allowed in your ex's home. Likewise, your ex has no authority to know who you and your daughter are with while she is with you anymore than you have that right while she is with your ex.
I could go on and on about similar issues that you have revealed that has happened in my divorced situation over cell phones and many other PAS issues. But, that is for another post.
Here's hoping for some sense of peace and absolution with you.