She gave birth, but I'm their mom!
Hey everyone... I am posting here because I am at my wit's end... and need some unbiased input from people who have "been there".
My husband and I got married over a year ago... and have been together for almost two years. At the time we were married he had a 3 year old and a 4 year old, they had not seen their birth mom for a year, and before that almost as long. (The split happened when the youngest was 8 months old, and the birth mom hardly ever took visitation.) The birth mom rarely calls, not even on their birthdays or at Christmas. Doesn't send them anything ever, and they call me mommy, and her by her first name. I'm wondering if anyone has been in this situation before, and if adoption would be possible. They just had a visit with her for an hour yesterday for the first time in almost two years, and the only reason she got that much time was because she had suggested stopping by at recess, and the kids' dad and I felt that was a very bad idea.
Help, anyone?
if mom agreed to an adoption,
if mom agreed to an adoption, your husband by all means can hire an attorney to start the adoption process (get an attorney for an adoption)
if mom decides to clean up her act and contest the adoption, it would be up to the courts to grant it.
is mom paying any child support? has paternity been established? does mom know where the children are living?
In some states, if one parent
In some states, if one parent has no contact for a year, and it is documented that they've made no effort and the custodial parent can show they have not blocked contact, you can adopt.
She does not pay child
She does not pay child support, or give any sort of emotional support whatsoever. We haven't brought up adoption yet because we're afraid it will make her go crazy and start harassing us AGAIN. The problem is, because she is so rarely a part of my kids' lives, I'm afraid it's going to cause them emotional trauma since they are so young.
is she court ordered to pay
is she court ordered to pay child support?
I too am the "real dad" to my
I too am the "real dad" to my son (SS-18) and have been since he was 1yo.
Unfortunately it is very difficult to adopt a Skid without the permission of the NCP.
You may be in a situation where you can leverage child abandonment to initiate an adoption of your Skids. I recommend that you get an attorney (a good one) to explore your options.
I have not been successful in adopting my SS. Now that he is 18 he can sign the papers but now that he is austensibly an adult what is the point of me adopting him?
Good luck and best regards,
I agree I'd leave it alone
I agree I'd leave it alone b/c mom is so rarely in their lives. But at the same time if she has no contact for a year their dad needs to file abandonment on her. The reason I say that is b/c after he does that he can tell her that she can;t see the kids and it will be legal. The kids don;t need her to pop in every few years for a couple of hours. I would still tell her that she can't see them it's either be a mom or not at all. I would also make it very clear to the school that she is not allowed there.
Our main concern is that
Our main concern is that since she legally has visitation she could just decide she wants to take her week at Christmas after not seeing them for three years... etc. This would be emotionally damaging and confusing to our kids.
She can't if your dh files
She can't if your dh files abandonment on her after 1 year of contact. i know I did it with my ex he hasn't seen them in 15 years. Plus IF she does show up tell her to take you back to court. No judge is going to let her just walk back in after all that time without some kind of transition period.
Good idea, thanks, everyone,
Good idea, thanks, everyone, for the advice!
You would probably have a
You would probably have a fighting chance. If birth mom contests it, it will get ugly. I desperately want to adopt kiddo and have done a little research... In my state, i know that if bioparent hasnt supported the kid financially or attempted to see or contact the kid in the last 12 months, that you can 7 times out of 10 get it through even if it is contested (unfortunately for me, kiddos mom sees kiddo about every six months, even though she refuses to support him). I think you should talk to an attorney and give it a try... best of luck.
Thank you! Yes in my state it
Thank you! Yes in my state it seems that it is only 6 months of no apparent interest or support for the child. Since she just saw them a week ago (even though it was the first time for almost 2 years) we might have to wait another 6 months, but I am willing to wait. These are my kids now and I will do whatever I can to help them... even if it means NOT adopting them. I just want them happy and safe, you know?