substantial change in circumstances?
Background:
BM is physical and legal CP. DH is NCP and has visitation EOWE, alternate holidays, and 7 weeks of the summer. Visitation was just modified, motion was filed August 2012 and finally settled, without ever going in front of judge, in May 2013. BM's SO has threatened my DH life twice. We played the audio recording of the threat for the GAL but the GAL said in his report that SO was not a problem.
Situation:
BM and her SO have since moved in with each other. My SS6 has told us that SO squeezes him and his sister really hard when he's mad or stressed. My SD7 has told us that SO has hit her in the stomach and slapped her face. BM says that SO was always just rough housing and playing. There are never any marks on the skids. We have no way to know if he is actually abusing them.
At the last exchange BM wasn't there and her SO met us. My DH tried to ask SO a question and SO flew into a rage. He threw my DH against our car and broke our mirror and then kept trying to throw DH on the ground until it was broken up. We started to get the skids out of the car because there was no way they were going with SO while he was flipping out for no reason. SO flipped out again, this time coming at me and shoved me so hard away from the car it was all I could do to keep my balance. In this process he wasn't paying any attention to what really mattered and almost crushed SD7's hand in the door. SD7 moved her hand just in time. My DH came over to protect me and SO grabbed DH by the neck and started to choke him. They were broken up again and we got the skids in the car and locked the doors. SO started attacking the car so we left and called the sheriff. When the sheriff got there we went back and filed a report.
We don't know what to do now. The skids are with their BM and the monster. Should we press charges, file a protective order against monster and include the skids on it, or could this be a substantial enough change in circumstances that we should try to modify custody? Or should we do nothing? If we take any action the BM will turn into the bitch again and make our lives living hell. We've tried so hard to get along with her and her SO. We even gave up part of our Christmas break so she could take the skids out of state to see her SO's kids. And now SO attacks my DH for no reason! WTF! I'm so frustrated!
It's a matter of time before
It's a matter of time before one of those kids end up in the hospital.
Press charges, look into a protective order, and do whatever you have to. Get those kids out of there.
Why didn't you call the
Why didn't you call the police right there? That was major assault. These are things you can't do later on down the road. You could have gotten a protective order for you guys and the kids against him.
Even if the kids don't have
Even if the kids don't have any bruises on them, I would file child abuse charges against the BF. Given that both girls said SO hurt them, and his violent behavior when he came to pick the kids up, I'm pretty sure the girls are telling the truth.
You also have the police report showing evidence of SO's violent behavior, which will help support your case.
Like everyone else has said, press charges, protective order, file an emergency hearing for custody. Talk to a family court attorney to see what can be done and do everything you can to get those kids out of there.
The sheriff was called before
The sheriff was called before we left but we were in rural Oklahoma and it took forever for the deputy to get there. We would've stayed put and waited in the car but the kids were freaking out because SO kept beating on the car. The witnesses refused to give statements. The cameras were at the wrong angle and didn't catch anything. So it's word against word. BM says her SO will never be in the same place as my DH again which I don't find realistic. The kids won't ever tell her what they tell us about SO. We have no proof and in Oklahoma not even DHS will do anything without proof. Trust me, we tried.
We filed a report with the deputy that day and I took pictures of my DH's bruises and scratches. BM has total custody. If we were to take the kids and refuse to give them back she could charge DH with parental kidnapping and then we not get any visitation at all or only supervised visitation plus it would upset the kids even more.
From now on ALWAYS have a
From now on ALWAYS have a camera in your car recording the exchange. Better yet, you can do the exchange at the police station. Because of the lack of evidence ya'll may not be able to doing anything for this attack. However, if you ever see one scratch or bruise on the skids take them to the ER immediately! Have pictures taken and the entire ER visit documented. That SO will fuck up again, ya’ll just need to be ready for it.
I agree, ALL pick ups and
I agree, ALL pick ups and drop offs NEED to be at the police station moving forward until you can get the kids away from in-denial BM and her psycho SO!
I agree that the pickups and
I agree that the pickups and drop offs should be at the police department. The problem is that the revised CO states specifically where and when we meet because she was having us drive all over to meet where she wanted. We live 2 1/2 hours apart. I pick the kids up at school on Fridays, or ez mart in her town if they don't have school. She comes to our town on Sundays and we meet at target. Can she file contempt charges if we refuse to meet anywhere but the police department?
Why not file domestic
Why not file domestic violence charges? My neighbor slapped his daughter in the mouth 1 time and his ex file charges against him. There were no witnesses, no photos, no bruises or marks, but his ex was able to have a temporary order placed against him until an investigation and hearing could be conducted. Hearing was held approximately 1 month after the incident. CPS and police found no evidence of child abuse and they closed their files. Judge decided otherwise and he was not able to see his daughter for 1 year, plus he had to complete anger management classes.
Why didn't you call the cops immediately when it was happening?
"When the sheriff got there
"When the sheriff got there we went back and filed a report" Why did you only file a report and not file charges?
Why are you on this site asking if you should file charges? You should be speaking with the sheriff about what your options are. If my children were in this kind of danger, I would do anything and everything to ensure their safety. AND I sure as hell wouldn't be on here asking "could this be a substantial enough change in circumstances that we should try to modify custody? Or should we do nothing? If we take any action the BM will turn into the bitch again and make our lives living hell" You should be more scared of what will happen to the kids rather than fearing that BM will make your life a living hell.
Right now? There is no proof.
Right now? There is no proof. Not even the sheriff's report - that's hearsay. What Dad COULD possibly do, is file to
require all exchanges be done at some law enforcement station and (b) exchanges be attended by ONLY Mom and Dad. Her dude shouldn't be there, but Dad will not get to bring you, either.
I'm not sure why it would be
I'm not sure why it would be considered hearsay or why there is no proof. Anyone can bring charges against someone. You have two adults who were physically assaulted and can testify to it. As I stated in my previous comment, my neighbors ex was able to bring domestic violence charges against him for smacking his child 1 time in the mouth. There were no witnesses and no marks on his child. During the hearing, in front of a judge, his child did testify to what happened and how she felt at the time of the incident. May be its a case of different states, towns or counties have different rules, regulations, and guidelines.
They may - or may not - be
They may - or may not - be considered credible. And if it involves testifying against a parent? The judge may be quite annoyed.
My neighbors child had to
My neighbors child had to testify against him during a domestic violence incident.
The kids wouldn't be able to
The kids wouldn't be able to handle testifying. They won't even tell their mom what they tell us. When DH told BM what the kids said happened she denied it then said the her boyfriend just plays rough but he doesn't hurt them. She and her mom badmouth me and their in front of the kids and I'm sure the boyfriend does too.
I would press charges. Do it.
I would press charges. Do it. Do it as soon as you can.
We had a situation a few weeks ago where the BM came to our house, got abusive, came into our home, refused to leave and then knocked me to the ground when I tried to push her out through the door. ALL of this happened in front of her daughter. I called the cops straight away, they came over but I was in too much shock to really know what to do straight away. I wanted to talk things over with my husband, but he was deeply upset and crying on our porch because his daughter had witnessed everything. I felt like he blamed me for calling the cops. So I ended up by default not pressing charges. I'm still not sure if this was the right way to go, my husband thinks it is because otherwise it would have created a shit storm. Hopefully it has shown BM that I won't take her shit (she used to hit my husband when they were married). So far I haven't seen her since, hoping it stays that way, not sure what I will do if I see her again.
Anyway, I understand why you and your husband have been debating this, will it cause shit? will your kids get caught up in a court case? and all of those unknown questions. But as you have strong suspicions that this sort of thing is an ongoing problem, I would urge you to press charges. At the very least your kids need to see that consequences happen when adults act in this way, even if a court case is dismissed, it shows that when you are attacked you should take action, rather than just accepting it with the vague hope that an incident report will hold up in a later custody case.