Termination of parental rights?
Forums:
Do any of yall know anything about termination of parental rights?
weve been talking about looking into it but have no idea what its all about.
bm has no physical contact with ss, makes our life hell but never wants to talk to or see her son, pays no child support, is pregnant with her 3rd child since she was 14 - ss4 was her 2nd at 17 - and has already had her rights involuntarily terminated on her oldest kid.
That a U.S term I have no
That a U.S term I have no clue about but I wish you well. BM sounds like a piece of work.
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I know there is osmething
I know there is osmething similar in quebec , that you completely give up legal rights to a child here. ANd it has to be serious. A parent can do this against his own child in this case.
the states, this depends on which state you live in because its all diff.
Contact a legal aid for this. Its all based on detail of yoru situation.
I know as far as parental rights, you would have to legally adopt this child and the mother would have to give up her parental rights. If they are taken away by law, this doens't mean you can adopt easily either. Its a loooong process.
Usually that is the term
Usually that is the term used when the state declares the children dependent for neglect, child abuse or drug related issues. The children are usually either placed in foster homes or with other members of their family.
Your situation doesn't sound extreme enough for the state to make a dependency case for your skids. I don't know about abandonment like the other poster was saying because we don't have that in my state, but it sounds like the best route for you to take is to get the mother to sign them over to you guys and voluntarily terminate her rights. I don't see you being able to do in involuntarily.
Wish my husband would give
Wish my husband would give up his rights.
Purpleflower
Really? You wish your
Really? You wish your husband would give up his own children?
I cant lie. I've wished the
I cant lie. I've wished the same thing.
Life is what you make it.
I'm not familiar with your
I'm not familiar with your situation, but if you were in mine..you would wish the same thing too. As a step mother I wish he would..would he? never! but most days I just want to beleive they don't exist at all.
Purpleflower
I guess I just can't simply
I guess I just can't simply imagine that. If someone wanted me give up my child??? Or wished he didn't exist?? They wouldn't be worth two cents to me....
What is so bad about his children? They are his flesh and blood.
Then I guess I am not worth
Then I guess I am not worth 2 cents to my husband. Can't help for the way I feel about certain things. I thought this site was to be honest with each other and ourselves and thats what I was doing. I guess your step kids are wonderful and good for you, but there are a few people who know exactly what I'm talking about and how I feel. Those are the people I am relating to I gues, not to those who don't.
Purpleflower
I guess my question is why
I guess my question is why would you be with someone with children then? They aren't going to go away, isn't it easier to try to love them too, or at least to try to LIKE them, if for no other reason than because they are your husband's children? They are still children and they can't help that they were born.
I know they can't help that
I know they can't help that they were born, I dont want them to die or anything. I have tried very hard to like them, but I feel nothing for them. Do you love your step kids as much as your bio kids? and be honest and I'm guesing not. I could play devils advocate and say to you " why don't youlove you skids as much as bio kids? Your on this stepparent site to vent like the rest of us so i'm guessing your skids are not perfect and your feelings for them are not of pure love and joy either. I fell in love with the man , not the kids.
Purpleflower
I very very rarely vent
I very very rarely vent about my skids. Vent about BM? Yes, she's a horrible person. But my skids are just KIDS and they haven't done many things different than any other kid. And no, I don't love them the same as I do my own son, that's just not possible. But I do love them very very much and I would do anything in the world for them. Yes, I would jump in front of a bus for those kids. They are part of my world and my feelings for them are love and joy.
I also fell in love with my DH, but I knew he came with 3 children and 2 ex-wives. I knew that loving him meant doing everything in my power to love his children too, or at least to try to like them and be their friend.
i KNOW I've said to myself
i KNOW I've said to myself and in certain venting sessions that I wished my stepdaughter would just stop coming to our house. Did I really mean it? No, probably not...point is, I've been angry enough and frustrated enough to have that fleeting moment where I'm like, "damn my life would be so much easier if she didn't exist." Then I realized, you know my stepdaughter AND her BM are probably thinking the same thing about ME.
I still don't like SD...I don't like her mother either. But i tolerate them both for Dh's sake. The more I complain to him, the more I pick at everything...the further he pulls away. I can't let that happen...think of it this way, when you hate the skids or dislike the skids...they're winning in a way. Dislike or hate for them will only drive you away from your husband and him away from you...so the skids and BM would benefit and you'd lose.
"Each contact with a human being is so rare, so precious, one should preserve it." *Anais Nin*
Well, when you first get
Well, when you first get with someone with kids (at least for me), I never realized what all it entailed. Its not just the kids, its DH, maternal grandparents, and everything else that comes along with it. When you've never had a kid, you just dont know what you are getting into. At least I didnt. At times when its gotten really bad, Ive just thought it'd be SO much easier if he'd just let them go. He's not doing his part anyway. Give them back and give up. Right or wrong, I did feel like that. Thats just my feelings towards my own situation. And what you have just said there is what is making me regret my decision. "they arent going away and they cant help they were born". What now? Thats for me to figure out I guess.
Life is what you make it.
And that is why I relate to
And that is why I relate to you because you and I have no children of our own. And My DH kids lived with their mother far far away. All of a sudden she wants to party and drop them on someones door step.
Purpleflower
Looking at your profile, you
Looking at your profile, you have SDs at rough ages too... my SDs are stb11 and 14. You're right about one thing, having a child of your own does make it easier I think to have some kind of better understanding of children in general.
It's very very hard being a SM. It's hard being a BM and a SM at the same time too. You're so young to be going through this too. Sometimes you just have to stop and think what is going to make YOU happy, because right now you're not, and I'm sorry you're not.
And you know, I almost feel
And you know, I almost feel guilty about putting my happiness first. When I have tried to discuss things with my DH he gets mad and always sayss to me " why does it always have to be about you?" So I just dont say anything. I still have to figure out what is going to make me happy and what it will take. I guess love alone, is not enough to keep a marriage going hey. I will try to talk to my DH and hope he understands where I am coming from. And thanks for understanding.
Purpleflower
Don't feel guilty about your
Don't feel guilty about your own happiness. You are the only one who could make yourself happy. If you sit back and wait for someone, or something, or some situation to make you happy you're in for a long long wait. Sometimes, yes, it just does have to be all about you. If you truly have no feelings for the kids and don't think you ever can, you will be doing yourself a favor to get out now before you have children of your own to make it harder. I'm sorry to just be blunt about that, but it's true. Hang in there.
No I really do appreciate
No I really do appreciate your honesty and bluntness, I hate when people sugar coat things. i really appreciate your advice. Thanks!
Purpleflower
Purple, I can understand how
Purple, I can understand how you feel. However, I would never encourage anyone to abandon their children or make them choose. Maybe the answer for you is to support your husband's relationship with his children by himself. In otherwords, you don't have to have a relationship with them just foster a good one between your DH and his kids somewhere other than your home. He can go visit them or take them out to dinner, and you don't have to be a part of it.
In your situation, you need to be honest that you do not want to be a full time mom to his children. That may be a deal breaker for him. But, apparently being one is a deal breaker for you too. If you just acquience to your husband's wishes and try to become something that you have no desire to be, everyone is going to be miserable.
Oh and I do. I encourage him
Oh and I do. I encourage him to go to the movies or the park etc. But he wants me to always come and I understand why he wants me to come, but I just want time to myself away from his kids. I never show or display any kind of anger or resentment towards the children. When he is cuddling with his children on the couch, I will leave them be by themselves and go do something else. He has and I have encourged him to go see his children without me there. But because they are so in and out of my life it's hard to feel anything for them. They are not there on a continuous basis, and when they are around it's like the consume me, they want everything from me, all my free time, my energy, my attention, take them shopping. I'm not used to this, I dont have children of my own. i would never EVER ask my husband to choose me over his children in fact, I have told him that I think it would be best he go to his kids and to end the marriage and he said NO. But what I feel most people fail to realize is, I don't know what it is or what it takes to love a child as I dont have any of my own to know. I don't know what a child needs or want they want, It's such a sudden change for me and it ripped the carpet from under my feet. I can't and I wont be their mother...I will be a positive role model in their life, but if they want mommy then they have to go to her...i'm not her.
Purpleflower
and there is nothing wrong
and there is nothing wrong with the way you feel.
I think people have me
I think people have me wrong. I never said I plan on them going away or will make arrangments for them to go away forever, I just FEEL like that sometimes. I dont HATE them I just feel like sometimes I could choke them and sometimes the odd day I do despise them. I never lied to my husband in fact he lied to me. He said his kids live with their mother and would be on a perm basis. All of a sudden he wants them to get back at bio mom and to prove a point he is a better parent. I would NEVER say to my husband " it's me or them" I would just walk away and not put him in that position...but my point is..our marriage it NOT all about HIS KIDS and what THEY WANT all the time. Its not about pleasing them 24/7 and ignoring others in his life.
Purpleflower
I totally get what you're
I totally get what you're saying honey...I think that's the mistake a lot of people make in their marriage thinking it should be all kids all the time, their way or no way... that makes for a very difficult marriage. There has to be balance or the resentment will come rolling in.
"Each contact with a human being is so rare, so precious, one should preserve it." *Anais Nin*