At what age can children choose what house to live in?
My ss10.5 lives with us 50% time. Although not the point here, I don't agree with 50% split when kids are moving multiple times/week between homes. It requires that each family be totally structured around this and that there is CONSTANT dysfunctional "negotiation" between FH and BM about where he is, when, forgotten items at the other home, etc.
Yesterday, SS told me that his BM and SF had mentioned to him that when he was 11 or 12 he could choose what house to live in. He also told me that he hates the back/forth that his parents did to split up days of his spring break. I shared with him that when I was young my parents decided what holiday/break was with what family and then swapped each year. That way, no "negotiations" for days here/days there over breaks and each family could plan their own activities, vacations, etc. He said he would like something like this.
What should FH do? What is legal? His relationship with BM is, in my opinion, very f-ed up. She is narcissistic, manipulative, puts SS in bad positions (which he doesn't know are bad since he's a kid), and is psychologically abusive to FH (yes, I know he allows this). Should he ask her to go back to mediation? Should he talk to an atty?
I am glad if SS becomes empowered in this, but not based on couching from his mom/stepdad, but b/c he has someone neutral (e.g. a therapist, though neither parent will send him) to support him.
help!
I'm pretty sure it's 12, or
I'm pretty sure it's 12, or it is here in Texas. It may vary from state to state, and it's by a courts discretion sometimes. Sometimes it's to the courts discretion, and they take the kids opinion into consideration. If both households are structured and sane, I'm pretty sure it's whatever the kid wants.
In our state (KY) there is
In our state (KY) there is no set age. A four year old can say where they want to go. The state doesn't have to agree though. Of course they will put first the best interests of the child. If a kid wants to live with their mother who allowed their abuser into the home then obviously the courts would find other suitable arrangements for them.
"One should examine oneself for a very long time before thinking of condemning others." ~Moliere
No matter what age they are
No matter what age they are allowed, courts usually don't let the child pick.
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
SteppininSF, I know we were
SteppininSF, I know we were looking at getting together this week, obviously that didn't work. What about a day in March? Until then my next couple of weeks are insane.
I'm sure there's California case law on this although I don't know the age. But the bottom line is that your DH has to be willing to go back to mediation (if that's what their MSA states) to change the custody agreement. It sounds like the ex won't do it on her own because she seems to thrive on the dysfunction and the control she exercises over both DH and SS.
I agree that the 50% split that involves constant back and forth is unhealthy. I've always thought the best 50% was two weeks on and two weeks off because that way you get to do real parenting at your home, uninterrupted by the other parent. Then you rotate holidays as you said your family did when you were a child. This way you can plan real family vacations without having to negotiate with the other parent AND you can plan real quality couple time together.
In California its 14 but its
In California its 14 but its not that they really choose per se....its more that they have a voice in the court room.
I'm still trying to get my XH to agree with the one week one week schedule because this 5-5-2-2 is ubsurd with me living across the street among other reasons. Don't get me wrong, I'm an advocate of the 5-5-2-2 when the kids are young and not in many activities. It's more of a schedule that is meant to be grown out of though. It's a stepping stone into splitting time and getting the kids (and everyone) adjusted to divorced life.
Between 12yo and
Between 12yo and NEVER.....usually. Depending on what state you live in.
In OR where my Skids case is based a child never has the power to choose where they live though they can provide their input to the Judge @ age 12. The court retains all placement authority in OR and can choose to either hear the child's input or not to hear the child's input and the court decides placment.
Not that it matters. There is not a snowball's chance in hell that my Wife would allow our Son (my SS) to live anywhere near the SpermClan before he turns 18 and can legally make his own decisions.
Best regards,
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)
Yep--and teens want to live
Yep--and teens want to live w/the parent that is "Fun"---judges are getting wise to this, at least our Judge did. SD16 wanted to live w/mom. We tried mediation to agree on something w/BM but she wanted all or nothing, after 12 years. So had to go to court. DH and I thought for sure that SD's want would sway Judge---instead Judge said she pretty much knew that if she allowed SD to go live w/BM that SD and DH would have no relationship (talk about PASer to max). BM was permissive parent, and Judge told her that. SD needed rules, structure in order to succeed.