What to do?
My husband has 2 children from a previous marriage. He is the custodial parent and the ex has the children for 60 days in the summer and 10 days during the winter either at or around christmas time. She lives in Maine, we live in KY. Recently, the ex's daughter falsely accused my husband of sexually abusing her in the past (the accusations were unfounded and charges dropped--after an investigation.) The ex also accused my husband of sexually abusing his daughter (she is 16). My SD had to go in front of strangers and defend her father and she was very upset about this. They have tried things like t his many times. She tried to have him arrested for contempt of court once for not bringing the children up for Christmas when she had told him that he didnt need to bring them because she wouldnt be able to bring them back. he had proof that she agreed though, and it was dismissed. She also tried to talk my SS into saying that my husband "beat him". My SS said that he did and we escaped an ordeal by a hair because he said he was lying. Now, neither my SD nor her 10 year old brother wish to speak to their mother at this point. My SD is angry "How could she say that about my dad when he is the only one that has ever really cared for us? She was the one that was mean to us." My SS doesnt want to speak to her (he was questioned as well) because "She almost made our family break up and almost ruined everything." They get nervous and sick when t heir mother calls because they are afraid we will make them talk to her. My husband will ask them if they want to speak with her and he will hold out the phone and they will say "NO!!" My question is, what should we do about the visitation rights she has during the summer? I know that is quite a ways off but I believe we should start thinking about that now. Any suggestions??? Should we get a lawyer? Request to see the judge? The divorce decree states that the custody allocations may be changed. Help please???
Seek a modification
Based on the above, it shouldn't be too difficult to get a modification. These children are old enough to have opinions and if they don't want to go, then they simply don't want to go. They have reason. There's always supervised visitation or even visits out with her, but no overnight stays. There's counseling. You could always request a psych evaluation. I think you have options and certainly a lot of evidence, but I agree to start now - or at least as soon as the holidays are over - because we all know how long these battles can drag on.
~ Anne ~
Just...
I'm just afraid they will say the 10 year old has to go and when he gets out there, she will brainwash him and make him say false things. However, that doesnt worry me nearly as much as my husband not being able to talk to him because she feels like she needs to get back at him. I'm also afraid she will leave with him and hide and we will never be able to find him. She causes so many problems and I just feel like being around her at all is so detrimental to them. SD will be 17 by the time this comes about so I'm not worried about her having to go, but I do worry about SS. It's so frustrating to think that a mother would torment her own children this way.
Every State is different
I know in WA State, the child must be 18 before they can decide who to live with, or if they don't want to visit the other parent. I know..it's terrible (although in some cases it isn't terrible). WA State feels that in most situations, a child will choose the most leinant parent to live with, and not go visit the parent that enforces rules, and that is not always in the best interest of a child. Therefore, they won't listen to them.
However, that doesn't mean a therapists can review the case, or a guardiam ad litem can't represent the child. My suggestion is to seek advice from an attorney and see what you legally can do. Be careful about finding info on the net too, you can get a lot of bad info out on the net...call an attorney.
In Canada, it is different too.
In Ontario the rules are different too, age of consent is much younger and the child's wishes are taken into consideration at a much earlier age and also based on parents ability to care for them. My husband was given custody of his two girls at the ages of 12 and 15 because of their needs and their wishes. The 6 year old boy was sent with his mother to another province inspite of his wishes and his mom travelled a lot. BUT after the kid got into all kinds of trouble and failed a grade, the Mom shipped him back to hubby without his dog or any of his belongings and adamantly said "she would not give any child support...over her dead body." in spite of the fact that she made a very lucrative income. So she focused on career and making $ and my husband focused on raising kids and keeping his career goals static and VOILA, ten years later, everyone has amnesia and mommy dearest flies here more often now that the kids are grown and don't need much from her. Life is very interesting sometimes. Perhaps it would be better to be a spectator in these situations and write a book about survival instead of trying to live amidst this and trying to survive ourselves!