3 more weeks! Can I do it??
Not sure I can hold out much longer. I knew from sneak peaking their texts that she demands every week to come down and see him! Mind you he pays for the flight, gives her his Brand new Range Rover to drive around town AND his credit card and even an hourly wage sometimes! WHY THE HELL wouldnt you wanna come down all the time?? So this time he asks me! Usually he ignores her which has kinda worked but I guess he is getting nervous now. ...she might get MAD and he would not want to upset her would he? So I tell him...
"You and I agreed 2 times a year. Summer and Christmas"
he says
"we did?" I dont remember that?
funny that selective memory. And this way he can say, he never agreed to it, so now guess who has to be the bad guy?...the scapegoat?...
So he says, he will ignore her again.
She wanted to live in the big city. She had NO job, but she just HAD to live in NYC! Suddenly she has been there 10 whole weeks and without a break! Poor baby!!!! She needs "nature"....Everyone thinks she is an idiot because she is choosing to live in NYC with NO JOB!!! Most people GO WHERE THE JOB IS!!!
MY poor little daughter lives in a hick town in the middle of no where because that is where the Army sends them! She doesnt whine about it!
This 34 year old baby is the biggest BRAT I have ever seen!!!
You can not believe the texts I see...
."When are you gonna come up and see me?"
"Oh, I think I will come and see you soon!",
"I wanna come down and hang out with you"...
WTH is this??? I havent seen my kids or granddaughter since Christmas either! These two go a few months and they are climbing the walls to see one another like tormented lovers!!! ...I mean...is this weird? Or maybe I am weird or cold or something... :/
You can do this! You will be
You can do this! You will be grateful later for the the fortitude you can muster now. Share the follies here for us to pick apart. Lol
YES!!
I needed to just vent! It is SOOO hard to hold it all in! I found a lawyer that 2 people highly recommend! Their description:
"she will grind em down with her high heels"
Good enough!
Her pays her an hourly wage
Her pays her an hourly wage to come visit him?
How on earth is she living in NYC without a job? Who's paying her NYC rent? (Let me guess - him). Tell her to go to Central Park, lots of nature there.
For the giggle!
Thank you! Yes, she can go for a stroll through central park! Yes, WE are paying for her rent! She won't get any other job, why should she? She is "working' for him! 1000.00 a week to basically text him all day long! With roommates, this is just enough to get by on so that she does not need to find anything else and what better job to have where she can hop on a plane ANYTIME she wants, at OUR expense of course! So what he does is this...he enables her with a job that pays just enough and grants her freedom to come and go as she please, and as soon as she PLEASES,, she wants to come to OUR house! well now he is in a conundrum...wife does not want her to visit AGAIN! but I ask wife anyway which makes wife the scapegoat. HE did not say no,,,evil Stepmom said no! But who enabled her all the freedom to come bug us once a month? MY kids can't come visit anytime because they have JOBS and lives like MOST human beings!!!
Lovers spat alert!!
uh oh....lovers spat alert!! He told her this week was not good for him and she is melting down!!!
"you don't care about me! You don't want a relationship with me" why dont you care about your biological family???"
I saw the texts but he doesnt know I know and he is sooooo surly right now! Like a whipped pup!! I think he left to call her but it could not have gone well! He is pissed!! He probably called her and blamed me! Now they are both mad at me! I don't care! They can be together very soon!
LOL
Sorry for your pain & waiting, but this just cracks me up. The relationship drama will really go downhill once triangulating you into their Drama Cycle as The Opresser (featuring SD as The Victim, and Daddee The Rescuer) ceases to be an option.
Looking forward to your FREEDOM updates!
You Should Be "x" ing Off The Days On Your Calendar Like a POW
with excitement!
3 weeks is "GOOD FRIDAY" do you think that is mere coincidence? I certainly don't! Good Friday of course has religious and spiritual significance and relevance, but you can also attach your own meaning to it!
You're about to blow a kiss goodbye to dysfunction!
I know it's scary. The unknown can be, but ask yourself, "What could possibly be worse than what I've been through for 2 decades??" I mean being last in your marriage? Him putting his daughter first, ALL THE TIME...come on girlfriend, LET'S DO THIS!
Congratulations!! It's going to be great!
Yucky situation. No way
Yucky situation. No way would I stick around if my husband were to pay his grown kids' bills and buy them tickets to come frequently to make my life More hell. He's enmeshed with this daughter and you're just not going to change it. It's gone on too long. I don't see how you're going to stay with him. I wouldn't.
I remember those last weeks
I remember those last weeks with my ExH. It was awful. I just wanted to go so bad.
I kept re-checking my to do list hidden in a little pocket in my purse. Making sure I had everything done, everything ready for my departure. I had been taking care of everything secret squirrel fashion. I let him keep pretty much everything as far as furniture and household goods just getting my personal stuff out. I would load the trunk of my car while he was at work with my important stuff and haul it out that way. Made copies of important papers while he was out, checked and rechecked every cabinet, closet and storeage spot in the house for stuff I wanted or needed.
He never actually saw me move anything ;)
My big plan was to walk out the door with my purse and one small overnight bag that just had my change of clothes from the night before. AND I DID JUST THAT AND IT WAS SO DAMN SATISFYING :)
Hang in there. Make sure you're all set. Then get the heck outta Dodge City when its time!!!
Thank you for your comment
It is horrible. So many mixed feelings and emotions. I have gotten to where I hate being in the same room with him. I hope that is a sign that I have detached from my codependency. I can not see myself missing him! What I will miss is my home! It is coming along so beautifully.
This and I am nearly paralized with fear! Can I do it? Can I pull it off? What about when he melts down and contacts all my family at all hours of the night (last time he would text people at midnight, 2AM, 4AM,, he has NO consideration for anyone!) When he is miserable he wants everyone else to be miserable and the whole world revolves around him anyway!
In the end did you reach a point where the thought of looking at him across the dinner table made you sick? I am there now. I can not look at him anymore! he cant do anything right. Its rather pathetic!
You GO Girl
The elation you will feel when you do leave. My ex DH left me, basically for his mini wife. It was my blessing. I feel your pain, but youve got this.
Life is so much better when you are no longer married to a man married to his daughter. Its hell, and it never ends.
Oh, definitely yes!!!!
Couldn't stand being around him at all. I suddenly had things to do whenever he was home. If I could leave for any reason (real or made up) I would go out. If no reason to leave I just distanced myself... downstairs to do laundry, bathroom got cleaned an awful lot those weeks. Was taking 'breaks' every weekend staying at my sisters.
He had been distancing himself for a long time like staying in the bedroom for hours or going outside to work on his truck or whatever, running 50 errands on his day off. Now I was distancing too. I got real blunt just like him, no explanations or justifications any longer.
Mixed emotions ran rampant. I was hurting, upset, scared, etc... But deciding to leave and doing it came from my finally getting angry. Really angry at him. I used that anger to carry me thru for a time.
Accepting that his behavior was inappropriate and hurtful and i DID NOT have to put up with it. Accepting the reality of his manipulation. That whether he ever loved me or not didn't matter because reality was he could not give me the type of relationship I wanted or deserved. Reality that the man who made such a fabulous first impression didn't really exist. The man I fell in love with was a facade. AND I really didn't even like the man I married. That yes he victimized in the beginning, but eyes wide open I was letting it go on and that I didn't have too. Reality that I was still that good person, that I deserved to be treated right. That I was mot mean, crazy, or such a disappointment. All in spite of what he ever had to say or insinuated.
I had to detach from my stuff, let the household go....I can buy more stuff. Let go of what i once thought was my future and now create a new one on my own. Terrified, excited, broken hearted, and happy all at the same time.
If your soon to be ex is inappropriate in any way (i.e.. blowing up everyone's phone or whatever) that is totally on him. Do not accept responsibility for it to others or in your own head. I would tell family and friends its coming, suggest they block him. If he does it, don't apologize. Maybe just say something like 'oh, wow, so unfortunate that he chooses to do that to people'. But its his bad behavior not yours, not your fault.
Very soon you will be able to say this is all in the rear view mirror. Don't give up, focus on you!!!
I wish you the very best!!!!!
One of the last ducks to get
One of the last ducks to get in a row is your family and tell them to block him. If you know he will do this you need to be clear with them that it is finished, no going back and it's best for them to not have any contact with him so they can stay out of the drama. I really hope they support you in this.