No one should try to force another to grieve in a certain way or for a certain length of time. Each of us handles life in our own way and our own time. That said, your question is not one that can be answered simply. The respect for another's grief and grieving timetable has to go both ways. There is a huge difference between losing a spouse and losing a parent. Widowed men tend to move forward with their lives and remarry fairly quickly. It is different for children, particulary adult children, who have lost a parent. My DH and I have been married for 18 months and began our relationship via email 4 years ago; 9 months after his LW died. (We didn't actually meet face-to-face until his LW had been gone for more than a year.) He has moved forward and we have a very happy marriage. I'm sure he thinks of his late wife often and misses her; they were together and very happy for 30 years. We have bent over backwards to be sensitive to his daughters' feelings but the oldest one (30) continues to resent everything about our relationship. She is rude, disrespectful and downright mean to both of us. She has never been asked to do more than respect her dad's autonomy as an adult and to be civil to me. I understand that she lost her mother and it hurts every day, but I have done nothing to her. I have tried to be low-key, am always pleasant when our paths cross and have encouraged her dad to spend time with her when he can. In return, she blogs slanderous things about me and then excuses her behavior by saying that I have been mean to her because I figured out the pen name she uses and objected to being called heinous, awful, a harpy, etc. She feels that she is entitled to post anything she wants about me on a public blog because it is anonymous. The truth isn't important, nor is fairness. Because she lost her mother, all bets are off and she feels entitled to behave any way she wants, no matter who she hurts. She demands that her dad and I respect her feelings but makes no attempt to reciprocate. My DH is an incredible father and is so hurt by all of this. He has tried to find ways to maintain their relationship in the hope that eventually she would grow up, but finally told her a few weeks ago that he cannot have a relationship with her as long as she continues to hurt me and disrespect his right to live his life as an autonomous adult. She is so firmly entrenched in being a grieving victim that nothing else matters. The only way my DH could have made her happy would have been to actively grieve her mother and remain alone for the rest of his life. Does anyone, even a grieving child, have the right to demand that kind of sacrifice?

"Many people said nobody has the right to force their way of grieving or moving on on anyone else. However, isn't the father doing that by bringing his GF around his adult kids?"

I agree that no one grieves in the same manner or for the same time frame. But I can not understand why you would link your grieving into the acceptance of your Dad's girlfriend. This between your Father and you. His girfriend has nothing to do with the death of your Mother but it appears she is being used as a scapegoat for the anger and heartbreak.

I guess if you were looking at it from your Father's point of view, he might say you were using your 'grief' as a manipulation tool to to control his life and break up his relationship with his girfriend. You are so intent on what your Father has to do for you that you have lost sight of mutual respect. It appears the best thing you can do right now is let him live his life as he wants to just as he should allow you to continue to grieve.

You said your Mom 'missed' her Mother for 20 years. 'Missing' someone is a bit different than the intense grieving you seem to be doing. Maybe you should see a therapist to help you through it.

I just have to chime in here. Having lost my dad and husband nearly two years ago, I can assure that many people lost patience with me in the first year when I was unable to "move on." I'm so much better now but I still think about my husband every day and miss our relationship tremendously. It is very hard to move from protected to unprotected. Anyway, I have let go of those who didn't understand that my grief was very present and still is. My feeling is that they have either not lost someone they loved or that my sadness reminds them that they will die, we all will.

But my main point is that people respond to death in very different ways. Both my families have been disrupted because new roles emerge and some people, like my SK, are unable to get past the anger, and anger is a very significant part of grief. We can try to understand that they need a target, but eventually we need to remove ourselves from it and live our lives. Still, I remember the case Anon refers too. It seemed to me that the father was being very insensitive. My friend told me that a friend of hers wanted to remarry shortly after his wife's death. His daughter begged him to wait one year both so that he was sure and that she would have time to get to know the SM. I really think that's a fair bargain and would hopefully lead to better relationships all around.

I thought my Dad would grieve himself to death after my mother passed away. He would not eat, sleep, go anywhere, just sit in a dark room unless I was there to encourage him to eat or talk. His whole life revolved around me as his only child at that point and that was hard.

Until an old girlfriend entered the picture and I'm so thankful she did. My Dad had the time of his life with new girlfriend. They dined out, danced, traveled and enjoyed his last years.

My Dad deserved those happy years with new girlfriend. I saw what grief can do to a person and how new love can help heal hurt.

If you read the responses to 'Angie's' post, you will find there were many questions but no further reply from 'Angie'. Finally Stepaside wrote: "Do any of you feel like you just wasted your time responding to someone, who NEVER COMES BACK?"

Just how long is it appropriate for someone to grieve? It's an individual thing but no one should force their opinion of what they think is an appropriate time on anyone else. When my Father died, my Mother did not intensely grieve my Dad for over 6 months. Her life had changed drastically and there were other issues afterward that she was left to deal with. We never told her to get over it, nor did she decide for us the appropriate way and time to grieve. If she had met another man within two months after my Father's death I would have 'gently' suggested she take time to get to know her new boyfriend but it would ultimately be her choice and her right. I would not take my anger over the loss of my Father out on someone I didn't know.

Reckon next time an Angie posts for similar advice, we should all agree to say that the only suitable approach would be to tell the SM-to-be the address of this site as this would heal all her troubles. SM-to-be could then log on at a future time when Angie's little barbed comments had become somewhat too sharpened over time.