Another Baby on the way to use against us How Exciting!
So after seven months of the silent treatment and no contact with our grand daughter, step son and his wife have started making amends with DH. His mother is in town so step son and wife have come to my house three times in the last week like this is just normal shit and they come over all the time, mind you they haven't set foot in my house in seven months. Of course my DH doesn't ask me before inviting them over and will tell me when I am getting off work they are going to be there, if I had advanced notice I would make other plans. So my Son's wife was in the hospital and I went to visit after work trying to stay long enough that they would be gone when I got home, I finally left at 8:30PM and when I got there at 9 they were still there. Well I made a point to be as short and unwelcoming as possible and they left shortly after I got there but not before my DH could pass me their ultrasound pictures to look at like I give a shit about them having another child to be used as a weapon against us. I glanced at them said it's a human and handed them back. My issue is that my DH has decided that he isn't mad at them anymore for withholding our granddaughter from us for seven months and causing all sorts of other drama in the family that I will not go into at this time, and I should just be ok with everything too. I loathe these two, they have caused so much heartache for me that I have just emotionally detached from the whole situation. I have no positive feelings towards them, and avoid them at all costs. I will never be stupid enough to let myself get attached to another one of their children and have no interest in this new baby at all. I just don't see how our marriage is going to work when I truly despise his child. I know when this baby is born he is going to expect me to go to the hospital and act like Grandma and all that crap and I refuse to do it. So basically I feel like I am putting him in the position of having to choose between me and his Son and Grandchildren. I don't want to put him or myself in that situation. I sometimes feel like I am being selfish but I put up with a lot to get to this point, I used to genuinely love both of them until they started their bullshit. I don't know what to do with this situation I love my Husband but I will not allow people in my life that treat me like shit period! I don't care who they are I have no room for Assholes.
I have told DH over and over
I have told DH over and over that I don't want to deal with them in any way but of course he just thinks I am mad and that I will get over it and be OK with everything as he is. My feelings don't seem to matter too much in any situation.
Punctuate. Space bar. White
Punctuate. Space bar. White space is a good thing.
In other words, OP, please edit. I'd like to respond but 3 inches of solid text is too much for my ADHD brain to process. I pop in to Steptalk and like to be able to read freely, snicker sometimes advise. Inches of solid text encourage me not to read and you might have great stuff to add.
Thank you Punctuation Police!
Thank you Punctuation Police! What would we do without you?!
I think the comment "It's
I think the comment "It's human.." was uncalled for. It is a BABY for heavens sake! You don't have to throw a parade but you could have said something a little more positive. "I hope everything goes well for you. Isn't it amazing the detail..." mutter mutter. Hand picture back to DH and smile and say "Long day, got to go."
I get these people were awful and maybe you may be able to address that in future. However they are basically in-laws related by marriage. Just tell DH that he cannot put you into a situation like that again until you are ready to do it. In future he can either let you know more than 4 hrs notice or he can entertain them himself. If you come home and find their car in your driveway, turn around and drive away. Let DH know someone heeds to apologise and it isn't him or you. Until that happens you cannot let them hurt you all over again.
I completely agree with your
I completely agree with your commitment to not tolerate toxic people in your life regardless of who they are. That your DH does just makes it all that much harder.
However, "It's human" was not a particularly mature or appropriate comment. The kid is cursed with a completely shallow and polluted gene pool but that is not the kid's fault. Do not paint the kid with the brush of it's idiot parents until it earns your contempt. Hopefully the kid will be a mutant and that won't happen. Also keeping in mind that with idiot parents like it is cursed with it may very well not be human.
}:)
I would suggest that you follow Echo's advice and inform your DH that you hope that he can have at least a tolerable relationship with his son and that family but the kid and all of his family are dead to you and will not be a part of your life or ever welcome in your home whether you are there or not. Your home should be a sanctuary where you can be calm and happy and not risk having them be there when you get home. DH can see them at their home or at a neutral location but not in your home. Ever. Period.
As tough as it may be, idiot parents are not a choice that any baby would make so don't take your ire out on the kid. Take it out on the parents.
Take care of you.
"no contact with our grand
"no contact with our grand daughter." The baby is not your granddaughter, she's DH's granddaughter. They have denied him seeing her, this really has nothing to do with you. I have 2 step grandsons. They are beautiful children and I truly adore them but they are DH's grandsons. I don't kid myself that if something happened between DH and I, be it death or divorce I would never see them again. They call me grandma and I adore it because they have cherub cheeks and are just sweethearts. But when they come up in conversation I say, "DH's grandkids, Dh's sons, DH's DIL." DH's DIL is a sweetheart too, I love her, she's a darling young woman who calls me her MIL. I am happy to play the role but don't get emotionally invested in it all.
I pray ss30 never procreates because if he does his hell spawn will bring in Armageddon! Not sure if I want to be grandma to the anti-Christ.
We do not have the
We do not have the unconditional love that our spouses have for these kids. Of course, your DH is going to be able to forgive. He wants a relationship with his son and grandchildren and you should respect that.
At the same time, he should respect the fact that you don't want to let these people back into your heart and he should have that relationship with them elsewhere. He should be capable of going to the hospital on his own when the new baby arrives.
If you do happen to be faced with their presence, I would keep the nasty comments to myself. I don't think the situation in and of itself is cause for divorce but the attitude and comments that you bring to the table could be.
You can let your DH know how you feel making him feel bad about his son, without making him feel bad for wanting a relationship with him. So, no name calling and no hateful remarks, nobody wants to be told that they raised an asshole or reminded that their kid is despised by their spouse.