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Dependent on Daddy Dearest

tigerlily74's picture

Submitted by tigerlily74 on Mon, 01/15/2018 - 6:33pm

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Adult Stepchildren

What self-respecting 31yo still asks Daddy Dearest to take her to the dentist???

Okay, I’ll admit I am a Daddy’s Girl myself and, even at age 43, my retired father does occasionally do me the odd favour here and there.

The difference is that (1) my Dad OFFERS the favours; and (2) most times, I’m the one offering to do my parents favours and often I’m the one calling them, buying them things, going over to their place or taking them out. I initiate.

SD31, on the contrary, is (1) always the one asking DH to do her favours; and (2) is never the one initiating any contact with DH unless it is to fetch her around. She never asks to meet up with him, never asks if she can do anything for him, never offers to take him out.

“Dad, take me to the dentist this afternoon.” Pathetic.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Mon, 01/15/2018 - 7:23pm

"Sorry, if it isn't an emergency next time let me know a week ahead of time. I have plans. If you have an emergency call then give me a call and I will be there if possible. buh-bye."

tigerlily74's picture

Submitted by tigerlily74 on Mon, 01/15/2018 - 7:39pm

DH is so grateful that she’s even contacted him that, of course, he frees himself up to take her to the damned dentist. Eugh.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Mon, 01/15/2018 - 7:55pm

He has taught her how to treat him and until he gains clarity he will continue to be her back and call boy and chore bitch.

My condolences on the lack of testicular fortitude in your DH.

SugarSpice's picture

Submitted by SugarSpice on Tue, 01/16/2018 - 6:07pm

its a phenomenon called self castration.

when a divorced had wants to be the best buddy of his children he will even cut off his own testicles to make them happy: money and expensive gifts on demand.

otherwise the skids will black mail him.

its humiliating to see a professional grown man cower in front of his children especially the daughters.

Indigo's picture

Submitted by Indigo on Mon, 01/15/2018 - 9:52pm

Doesn't SD have a husband? I vaguely remember some drama a few years ago about an upcoming wedding.

Anyway, it sounds as if this is merely the dynamic that they have established: "Daddy, you are needed/essential/valuable to me & I need help," while Daddy is pleased to fill the white knight role and swoop in to save his little princess. Honestly, I just don't see this changing at any point. It apparently is satisfying on some level for them both.

tigerlily74's picture

Submitted by tigerlily74 on Tue, 01/16/2018 - 2:10am

Oh wow. You remember!

Yes, SD31 has a husband now so you would think he would be at her beck and call. She is just summoning Daddy Dearest because she can. Because he allows it.

And yes, I don’t think it’ll change anytime soon. And I wouldn’t ask him to stop because it makes me look like a petty bitch. Whatever. As long as these shenanigans don’t happen AT MY EXPENSE. He’s at least clever enough to do these things when I’m otherwise engaged. He wouldn’t ever jump to her summons when I’m available.

It just makes her look bloody pathetic in my eyes.

fairyo's picture

Submitted by fairyo on Tue, 01/16/2018 - 2:37am

'The difference is that (1) my Dad OFFERS the favours; and (2) most times, I’m the one offering to do my parents favours and often I’m the one calling them, buying them things, going over to their place or taking them out. I initiate.'

This is because you have a healthy relationship with your parents as I did with mine (sorry they are no longer here) for years I tried to believe DH wanted a healthy relationship with his kids- but it is almost a year since I gave up. They are enmeshed- their dis-function is so deep I know believe nothing will crack it. Not my circus...

Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Tue, 01/16/2018 - 3:06am

Wouldn't we all like a free taxi service whenever it was available? Sorry, but your DH is the one perpetuating this problem. He needs to say, no, get a bus.

Ispofacto's picture

Submitted by Ispofacto on Tue, 01/16/2018 - 3:20am

Was the dental procedure covered by her insurance, or was DH expected to cover the balance?

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Tue, 01/16/2018 - 6:57am

urg.... I thought teenage school years where difficult, seems to me I will suffer more and more...

will have to think of ways to get my SO trained quicker and better to be like a sweet puppy to my commands }:)

sammigirl's picture

Submitted by sammigirl on Tue, 01/16/2018 - 8:55am

Ugh....this will never end.

Just ignore the situation. I know how infuriating it is; my SD57 stood in front of a large group and announced that her Dadeeeee....spoils her and she can do anything and not get in trouble, several years ago; DH didn't think that was cool.

Good Luck with any solution. Let me know, if you have one.

I'm over it and now DH has backed off from her wants and she hardly comes to see her ill father.

I totally get your problem.

tigerlily74's picture

Submitted by tigerlily74 on Tue, 01/16/2018 - 4:49pm

At least your DH backed away. Mine welcomes any interaction with that brat. I hate this so much.

marblefawn's picture

Submitted by marblefawn on Tue, 01/16/2018 - 4:48pm

If it doesn't directly affect me, I don't usually object when this stuff happens. My husband can't/won't see such requests from SD31 as manipulative and he can't/won't see his jumping to accommodate SD as enabling. So I will just appear petty to him if I raise the issue. It's the same with you: It's a cozy little deal between them and neither is inviting you to comment or approve.

Early in our relationship, SD's similar requests started getting in my way. My SD is really pushy. She'd ask to borrow his car for entire weekends and he lend it and then have to use MY car when he needed one. We weren't even married yet! I gently told him it wasn't working for me. In essence, what was happening was he got to play hero to SD (who wouldn't even break bread with me), she got the car and didn't have to thank me for making it possible, and I didn't get shit. I wasn't even acknowledged or consulted as part of this scheme when I was the only one actually going WITHOUT A CAR!

That's probably when I developed the line I've said to him so often: "If you want to be her doormat, that's your choice, but I won't be her doormat nor her doormat by proxy." My husband respects this distinction, which is essentially disengagement. I think it's a fair line in the sand.

Try not to say anything. It won't go your way. When these little girls must do without their daddies, karma is gonna land a harsh blow.

tigerlily74's picture

Submitted by tigerlily74 on Tue, 01/16/2018 - 4:52pm

Eugh. I had that same car situation.

Too late. I blew up at him last night when I discovered that not only did he become her taxi ride, but he bloody paid her dental bill Too.

I was livid.

notasm3's picture

Submitted by notasm3 on Tue, 01/16/2018 - 8:02pm

SS32 used to call DH years ago for rides home from work before he'd latched on to women that he could use and abuse. DH sometimes accommodated him but often was not amenable to getting out to go give SS a ride when he could walk home. This was early in our relationship. And it was MY car.