My DH's Ex's were never nice to him... so no, he doesn't want anything to do with them.

I, on the ottherhand, have maintained relations with my ex inlaws and some of my ex's cousins. Mostly through Facebook, but they have come to my house to see my DD. But I have no illusions that I have any kind of family relationship left with anyone.

I feel sorry for your DH, he seems like a loving person...

The only time BM and her family come up in discussion is when my toxic SD56 reminisces with DH, about when she was his little girl and blah...blah...blah. The same stories I've heard a hundred and two times. DH nor SD56 want to turn loose of the past. I'm with you, sometimes I think they just want it all to be one happy family, after 36 years of DH being divorced, which deep down I know DH never wants to go back.

Now I just get up and leave the room, which infuriates my SD56 and she finally gets so frustrated, because I don't sit and listen, she goes home.

Accomplished! }:) It gets old; I don't go there with anyone, especially DH and his grown kids. I have no bio kids, another story.

hell, *i* think of dumbass' mom and dad as if they were *my* family!!! they're far better people than my legal in-laws. they live right down the road, are super-involved in lurch and kaos' lives (way more so than their own mother), we can attend functions and sit together and chat away.

when dh's parents came to kaos' elem.schl grad, they stayed on the other side of the gym, far away from me, dh, and the kids' "real" grandparents.

When my SO and I first got together (2 years after his divorce) he would often speak of his time with his ex's family in a wistful and longing way. How wonderful they are, how generous they are, how much he loved the place they lived in, what great visits they had with them, etc. After we got serious, it started getting really annoying.

Part of the reason I became annoyed is not just that he was mentioning them frequently with such "fondness" but because after awhile, I could read between his rose-colored lines. The lines clearly drew a picture that the MIL & FIL created the monster that was the ex, and also helped create the monster skids. Their overindulgence and worship of his ex (an only child) created a perfect narcissist. Their promise to the skids (from the time they were little) was that they would "never have to work a day in their lives" then created entitled second-generation narcissists. In their family, money became the currency of their emotions. And they've been counting it out ever since.

My family came up the boot-strap way as did my SO's. That's why I'm surprised that he fell so easily into this trap and why he didn't see that getting handed things on a silver platter is not necessarily conducive to a happy life. Maybe it was attractive because it was the opposite of his experience and it seemed so easy - have someone hand stuff over versus having to work hard for it yourself. To be honest, he probably thought he had it made for the rest of his life, too, as he would also benefit from the IL's largese.

One time I did have it out with him and told him that I was tired of listening to how wonderful times were with ILs. I said I don't feel the need to talk about my ex's family because I was done with that part of my life - was he???

In the meantime, my family (warts and all) have welcomed him with open arms and lots of fun and laughter. I hope he's learned something different - more positive - from his experience with us.

It's been long enough now that he doesn't speak of the IL's much anymore. He used to get birthday/holiday cards from them which have now stopped. But I think he still sends them cards.

Last time they were in town he had made arrangements to visit with them and the skids together, and was excited like a kid at Christmas. Then they cancelled on him at the last minute with no explanation. I'm sure that was his ex's doing. I have to say I was annoyed at how disappointed he was. I was also pissed that they did that to him, as he was awfully hurt. These are his kids grandparents after all.

I think it's finally sunk in that he is no longer considered part of the clan. I do understand that these are his kids' grandparents and they are worthy of that respect and polite interest. But his kids/ex never even showed that level of interest/longing for HIS OWN parents, aunts/uncles and nieces. The skids never contact any of them.

He may talk about the ex's clan with SD when they get together alone which is fine by me. I just don't want to hear about how "wonderful" they all are. Because they're not.

My DH did not feel that BM's family was his family when they were married so he certainly has no illusions about those relationships now.

The one time that BM's mother sent DH a birthday card, was after they split up and he was dating me; so weird.

These men that still crave the ex in-laws' attention, I wonder- did they get left by their ex wives? Like, would they still be married if the ex hadn't dumped them? That's what it seems like from my POV. They are longing for something that was taken away from them, rather than they walked away from it.

eesh, so much of this hits home with me and my situation. My husband was previously married and inherited 2 step-daughters. He doesn't have any bio children of his own.
In the last 5 years that we have been together those "adult" girls don't give him the time of day unless they want something. One only called him 2 times in the last year and that was to borrow money. They've never sent him as much as a card on Holidays and Birthdays. They might sent a text, which I find disrespectful and tacky. He still refers to them as his daughters and honestly, at times, it annoys the hell outta me. They don't treat him like the Dad he was...the Dad he still thinks of himself as being. One got married last summer and he never has received a Thank You for the $1000 he gave her as a gift!
I have to bite my tongue SO often. His Mother recently passed away. We're in the process of going through her things. He told me he thought he should set some things aside to give the girls. They never treated her like a Grandmother, nor have they even visited her in the last 5 years! I want to scream...what, why??? But, I hold my tongue (it's getting calloused). I know he notices my lack of response but I just don't get it. They've not been there for him or his Mother. He got pretty excited when they sent him a text saying they were sorry to hear about his Mom. (oh puhleez) I really don't know what to say or how to react when he speaks of them. For someone who was in their life for 18 years, they sure don't treat him like "Dad". Heck, my own 2 daughters give him far more acknowledgement then they do. I dunno, I just don't know how to handle this.