Disengaged FINALLY from Steps from Hell!
need some advice about my family situation. I married a man 23 years ago who had a 6 year old boy and a 9 year old girl. We all got along great. Every other weekend the kids came over, we did things together or just hung out at home watching movies. The first wife started dating a man and they moved far away. The kids wanted to stay with dad and me. I said ok. I didn’t want their dad to be without them. We got along great for a couple of years until the son got tired of having to do chores 11/12ish and the mom decided having the boy would be easier than the girl. Mind you she NEVER paid one cent of child support. She tells him that if he moves in with her, he won’t have to do chores. We sit him down and tell him he can go, but he can’t move back, no ping-ponging. He can visit but cannot move back. The daughter definitely does not want to go. Other than the usual teenage problems, she and I were close. One recurring theme is that my husband never supported me. He would never make the kids respect me, never would discipline them and I had to do it all. Fast forward, the son occasionally comes for a visit, but not that often, he’s 3 states away. We’re not close at all but he starts to tell people I made him leave, which is a blatant lie. The girl went off to college, graduated and got married. She lives about 3 hours away from us. I paid for her wedding because her mom and dad said they didn’t have the money, so I went into my 401 K plan and paid $15,000 to her to put towards her wedding. We had an argument and she told me she and her husband could not stand me and just used me to get the money to pay for her wedding. I have not seen her since. I will have nothing to do with either child. She turned 30 and had a huge party. My husband would not go because I was not invited. She stopped speaking to him for 8 months until I made him call her. The son is getting married and I am being invited “only because they have to”. I am not going. Any advice on this sick situation?
A couple thoughts.. You
A couple thoughts.. You treated them very well.. They turned on you in the worst possible way.....
Forget them. Hit the delete button and carry on your life with your husband..
He is supporting you! Do not ever again tell him to contact them.
Live your life and enjoy!!!
I have had cancer and now appreciate every day.. I refuse to have people who purposefully hurt me share one second of my day..
Seems you treated these SK's
Seems you treated these SK's very well. I was disturbed by the comment of the SD about just using you to get the money for their wedding. THAT would have gotten to me for sure.
It also seems that your DH is great by standing by you. Now you must cut the strings, pull the cord and forget about them. They have made it plain what they think and feel. You should feel good that you did your best. Disengage, leave them alone, no gifts, calls, etc. Be polite but that's it.
If their father feels that he doesn't want to deal with them because of how they treat you, don't try to change it. That is not your job. Your man is standing by you and you are lucky. Besides, dealing with his children is HIS problem, not yours. Same goes for Christmas, birthdays etc.
There are many of us that would give our eye teeth for our DH's to be that way. Enjoy it, enjoy him, and enjoy life.
after reading donnadreams and
after reading donnadreams and @beaccountable's post, i feel like much of what you posted is what i'm going through. my personal thoughts on my situation with my MIL and my awful SD17 are that they are toxic and not worth my time, love and energy. they are unchangeable, unreasonable and toxic. and whether i am of christian belief of turn the other cheek and love them anyway or not, what i have learned is that I DO NOT HAVE TO LOVE, RESPECT, TRY TO GAIN FAVOR/MAKE THEM LIKE ME. all i need to do is be my husband's wife. i know who loves me in this world. it is very hard to let go of resentment, especially when you have tried to honor your husband by contributing your own money towards his children (like i did with the attorney and other various things) or do things for his family and children that do not require money, but just "being there"......
@newimprvmodel, i think you hit the nail on the head "appreciate every day.. I refuse to have people who purposefully hurt me share one second of my day.." I have many people close to me in varying degrees of cancer and i just want to send love your way that you get into remission and have peace in your life.
I feel very bad for you, I
I feel very bad for you, I had a step mother at five, at 12 I moved in with them, when her and my dad would fight they would each drag me and my step sister into it, "if you waking up my daughter I'm waking up your daughter". She still does not see us as the same family. I wish I would have had a step mother like you. She prefers to keep my dad to her and my sister (her daughter) and keep the rest of us at a distance. I don't think you are missing out on anything. Just be happy with your husband and move on. I can say I luckily married a man who has great kids and they treat me nicely, I didn't become what I grow up with. Good luck to you!
Break the strings
You do not need to suffer because a family that came before you is toxic. Do not allow them into your life!