does dad need to actually step in??
So i have posted a few times about my hateful and now down right nasty step daughter.. So my newest question that was kind of brought up to me by one of my bio children was this....... Why doesn't he just answer the phone and tell her a$$ off?? Why does he continue to allow her to say nasty things about all of us when we did nothing to her? ............ so should he? At this point all he is doing is ignoring her and all her calls. He won't return her calls nor answer when she is literally blowing his phone up.. And then of course its our fault that he is not answering her. Her latest was messages to my bio daughter( they used to hang out until a year ago and then they just stopped but were still talking and friends and chatted on a regular basis until the past few months).. anyways the sd told my bio daughter " its your familys fault that my dad won't hang out with me" of course my daughter let her know real quick that none of us have told him not to hang out with her and that he makes his own choices.. the sd did not like that answer and went off like always about how horrible i am and said some not so nice things about me to my daughter and they went at it with my daughter telling her she is stupid and needs to grow the @#$% up.. so the question is simple.. Should he answer her calls or call her back and let her know why he is not speaking to her ? or should he just continue to ignore the nasty messages and phone calls?
Well why doesn't he tell her
Well why doesn't he tell her the reason he is no longer putting up with her shi*? Not answering is not the way to cure issues. If he has already cited examples of shi* behavior to her, told her what he will and won't tolerate then not speaking to her anymore is a good option but if he hasn't then that is crappy. Everyone deserves an explanation.
I think he should answer and
I think he should answer and tell her directly - he is done with her games. She obviously doesn't get it and needs a clue.
He is burying his head in the sand and hoping this will just go away. His ignoring her will make things worse. Once he tells her the truth - THEN he can ignore her calls if he wishes.
I think he should tell her
I think he should tell her why he's not speaking to her. If she doesn't want to hear it, wants to argue about it, or defend her actions and continue to be nasty, then I would ignore her.
If he doesn't tell her then
If he doesn't tell her then he isn't the bad guy.
Your daughter needs to block
Your daughter needs to block the stepsister and stay out of it.
You, yourself, need to let husband tend to his own business and let Dad and his daughter make or break their own relationship. If he gets tired of his phone blowing up he'll deal with it himself. Whether he blocks her, changes the number, answers her calls or ignores her... it's all on him.
Who cares what the brat says/thinks? Disengage and ignore. You worry about your daughter, let him worry about his. Simple as that. You don't live together, she isn't welcome in your home (or shouldn't be) and as far as you need to be concerned with her you can shrug and say 'SD? What SD?'
Exactly.
Exactly.
^^What two said; and i would
^^What two said; and i would add, tell dh that to keep his daughters messages to himself. This is his issue not yours, he spawned her. My therapist told me to stop letting DH "dump" on me about ss30. She said that DH needs to fully deal with HIS grown child's behavior and that I should not be a buffer or a dump for their relationship. Now every time DH starts going off about ss30 I listen for about a minute and then redirect. Not my yet again unemployed; video game playing, pot head kidult issue, and I don't want to hear about it.
It's the blame game of
It's the blame game of course. "It's your fault I don't have a relationship with my Dad", "It's your fault my kids won't come visit", "You are to blame because SD never calls".
My reply: "I didn't raise your rude, nasty daughter; you and BM raised this toxic person. I have never acknowledged her comments or rudeness in any way. It's your problem, so don't blame me for the mess you have created. End of conversation, I don't want to hear about it again, and I certainly don't want to discuss SD with you or anyone else." It worked! DH sulks, but again, his problem.
Yes, they should step up and set their children straight for being rude and toxic; but then again, that's why they act the way they do to begin with; DH's have unknowingly raised them this way, therefore, it's a no win situation for SM's. YOU ignore her and let your DH handle his rude daughter; if he chooses to let her be rude, you tell her to leave you out of it and take it up with her dear daddy.
I am totally disengaged and will never go back to taking the blame.
Yep, dad needs to chew some
Yep, dad needs to chew some toxic kid ass. Each and every time she pulls this crap. This should have the focus on putting all of the crap directly on SD's toxic shoulders and behaviors.
Everyone else should ignore her. Unless of course they want to have some fun at her expense. Then they should bare her toxic idiot ass and enjoy every second of it. }:)