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Fourteen years of abuse by adult step-daughter

Marianne's picture

Here I sit with my marriage close to ending. I've endured 14 years of serious abuse from my step-daughter and my husband is giving her our guesthouse to live in permanently. I told my husband that I just couldn't do it any longer. He allows her to trash me in front of others and behind my back. She seeks to defame my character. The worst was when her pit bull killed my defenseless, beautiful Napoleon cat--a breed that can never go outside. She put my beloved cat outside for two weeks and let her dogs run her up trees. Can you believe she told me it happened at least seven times and giggled. My cat died a week later from a healed bite I didn't see. Her heart was too infected for the antibiotic to work and I lost her. The daughter told me it wasn't her fault; it was mine for not getting Marianne to the vet sooner. I have terrible guilt, but the daughter did not take any responsibility for protecting a sweet little cat under her care. I am still haunted and devastated. My husband loved our cat too, but did not deal with daughter appropriately. She insists on housesitting and hubby lets her--even after killing our cat. Now--giving her a house across the street from us. I do not feel safe and am ready to leave. My husband cruelly tells me how poor I will be and to get a job. He does not protect me from his daughter. There is so much more abuse. Now it is down to a marriage ending because my husband chooses a sociopath daughter over a gentle, kind, and passive wife who has endured too much.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Time to lawyer up and get out of this marriage. Your DH has chosen his adult daughter over you. Interview the three best lawyers in your area and hire the best one. His daughter is responsible for the death of your cat, there is no coming back from that.

Kes's picture

It sounds like SD is not the only one who dishes out the abuse - your DH sounds like an unpleasant person who doesn't have your back, and who taunts you about your financial status.  I agree you should get out of this toxic marriage as soon as you can. 

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

It sounds like your daughter is an extension of her abusive father. I would lawyer up and take him for everything he has. Where will SD live if he has to sell the house and guest house to split the proceeds with you.

AgedOut's picture

I'd start making appts w/ attys. If your DH won't protect you from his daughter, it's time for you to stop being so passive and step up and protect yourself from him and his daughter. 

Findthemiddle's picture

I am sure you are nice and sweet - but you need to ditch the passivity - it hasn't protected you from the cruel nut jobs you have taken abuse from for 14 years.    - it also didn't protect your cat.  They aren't going to stop abusing you.  You might have to get a job if you leave but I suspect you won't be poor.  Your husband would prefer that things stay the same - that was he doesn't have to break up his assets, which sound fairly substantial.

caninelover's picture

She thought letting an indoor cat outside for the dog to chase was funny?

Get a lawyer and get out pronto.  You'll be fine and your DH will shut his trap when the court orders alimony.

Winterglow's picture

And you might also get a nice surprise when you see that lawyer. I've heard that in certain states, an "at fault" divorce can have a beneficial effect on the amount of alimony awarded. Among the reasons for "at fault" divorces is 'abuse'. Every cloud ...

FinallySkidFree's picture

I'm not a pet lover but even I am shocked that this happened to your cat. Hire the baddest, meanest, nastiest attorney you can find.

Get out from this horrible situation.

Stepdrama2020's picture

Id sick a pit bull on your soon to be ex DH and sick cruel SD. They are disgusting lady.

As others said get a good lawyer and move on to peace. Your life will heal without these two toxic shit heads in your world.

I am sorry and sick for you regarding your cat. Disgusting

Rags's picture

Meet for a consult, usually an initial consult is free,  with each of the top 10 killer shark divorce attornies in your area to take them off of the table for his use and retain the best of the best for your use.

This guy is an abusive douche bag and his toxic spawn is no better.

Make their destruction and securing your own financial future your goal.

Take no prisoners.

Good luck and take care of  you.

CLove's picture

That is devastating.

Ive had a pet killed by a pit bull attack. It haunts me to this day. Grieve the marriage you had hoped for, grieve your precious little kitty - but do that LATER.

NOW, go to divorce attorneys - great advice from others that I learned here - if you consult with an attorney, then your soon-to-be-ex cannot hire them. So consult with a bunch of the best and choose the most vicious.

I dont know about divorce law where you are, but in California the spousal support can continue indefinitely. The marital assets are split, even if you didnt work. If you two own property that can be sold, and any other assets, you will not be "on the street" and poor. You will have money to start fresh.

Your husband and his spawn sound horrible. You should consider therapy to help you through this - it will probably be a battle. So get ready, and gird yourself for the fight. Grieve later.

MissTexas's picture

I'm so very sorry. Pets add so much love and joy to our lives. It hurts so bad to lose them, but in such a violent and traumatic way is inexcusable. My heart is with you.

As for your husband claiming you'll be poor, that's another form of abuse. He's trying to scare you into thinking you can't walk away from his mess of an offspring and the abuses they've both inflicted upon you and you pet.

I know it's hard to close one chapter and start another, but this just sounds so horrible, especially since he's allowing her to live across the street from you.

I'm wondering why you would entrust your pet to her care? I'm not sure if I glossed over that in your  message or not.

Be well lady!