This is getting ridiculous
Hopefully you all have a little knowledge about my situation from prior posts. I joined this forum a couple weeks ago after receiving FB messages from my SD31, about her BD, my DH, taking vacations, going to concerts, etc., etc. and not going to visit them in another state. Another message he received (she has since de-friended me on FB - boohoo) is all about me, saying how I don't understand their life, what they went through, how I downplay how they feel, etc., etc., which is the farthest thing from the truth. He spent some time during his prior marriage with a drug, ended up getting divorced, lived with the BM for an additional 4 years, left, quit the drug and met me 2 years later. He never physically or verbally abused any of them, just was a flaming paranoid idiot when on that stuff. He has admitted his guilt and apologized to them way too many times. I, on the other hand, spent 38 years with alcoholism from my dad, ex and continuing with my brother, and this experience DID include physical and verbal abuse, so how they could say I don't understand what they went through is beyond me.
Yesterday, my DH received a text message from the SD20, who up until the messages started from SD31, seemed fine with our whole situation. The message said "wow dad, you are awesome, this is being sarcastic, BTW" We couldn't figure it out, then it struck me that she saw my post on FB on how we (my BD, my Gkids, my DH) were all going to an indoor amusement park for the day. Is it possible that SD31 and the BM has now brainwashed SD20? Do these freaks really think I am not going to include my DH when we go somewhere? Understand that, anytime there is a discussion or email or other form of communication, them people twist it around to their benefit. The sky is blue and they will argue that it is pink.
I've said before, I usually fund these trips, concerts, 'having a life' type of events because although he works, he doesn't always make a lot of money. When SD20 has asked for money for this and that,'I' have always sent it because he doesn't have it. He DOES have some of his own bills here that he pays, such as a 60" TV we didn't need, car insurance for his car, supplies for his business, etc. I have been the one to encourage him to have more contact with his 'first' family, but again, if he chooses not to, that's on him. Perhaps the last straw with him was when his SD31 walked herself down the aisle at her wedding and didn't have the balls to tell her BD...the church lady told him. This just gets more puzzling every day!!
Definitely on the SD31
Definitely on the SD31 brainwashing. Based on what you've written there's no reason for either of them to be upset.
I just wish I could get over
I just wish I could get over this crap; I'm usually a strong person, but when one of SD31's messages said that "if her DH had kids from a prior marriage, she would for sure include them and try to make a happy blended family." WTF bitch, that is what I have been trying to do, but I get a fight and twisted stories at every turn!!!!!!!!!!!! Apparently she, and now SD20, cannot comprehend that I cannot force their father to do the things they want him to do! They certainly don't realize that their ramblings may be pushing him farther and farther away.
That's just the thing...I
That's just the thing...I paid SD20's cell phone bill for 6 years; I send her money, and just recently paid $150 towards her car insurance (a day before the first SD31 message arrived). Her father still owes back support and has been paying religiously since I became involved, but he has recently stopped. He saw 5 star restaurant trips and mall shopping trips that the BM was taking, but yet, she was complaining that she had no money. I buy all the gifts (DH does contribute, but like I said, he doesn't have much); when we have made visits, we take SD20 to the mall and bought her stuff. Every time we make a weekend trip up there, it's a $500 expense with the hotel, restaurants, etc. Sometimes he just doesn't want me to spend that much, as we do have a life here.
Absolutely agreed! Would
Absolutely agreed! Would love to hear their rants when the 'favors' stop coming! As far as the insurance, her dad feels that since she is going to school and working, that if she needs some help, HE should provide it..well, that is what is going to happen - HE will provide it. It may cause a rift between us because I never had a problem with helping until these messages starting coming out of nowhere! When she sees he can't come up with the money, she will be shit out of luck. The BM does provide stuff for her as well, but she also throws in her digs that SD20's BD should do more. Maybe she should have saved some of the $15,000 that he has paid over the last 4 years for his daughter's support!!!
That makes absolute sense!
That makes absolute sense! They want him to pay for his mistakes forever and just sit here! Christ, he feels bad enough for what happened, and unlike MANY men, at least he had the balls to admit that the breakup of his first marriage was his fault and did not blame others, but apparently the SD31 has always acted like she was HIS mother, and no matter what you tell her (because he has tried) she just wants to argue. She is just like her BM! I don't know if you read any of my prior posts, but one day we were at his exDW's house while he changed the battery on his SD20's car, and we were all having a pleasant conversation. SD 31 wasn't there, but in anticipation of her upcoming wedding, DH and I previously agreed we would like to at least pay for her wedding cake. In that conversation with his exDW, I asked her if she could ask SD31 where I should send the check for the cake. She said she would. A week later, DH gets an email from SD31 cussing him out, wondering why I was so pissed about paying for the cake, and told him to forget it!!
Blue Belle - I think that the
Blue Belle - I think that the problem is that he is spending time with me, my kids and my grandkids and not traveling to visit his kids and granddaughter. I have tried to encourage him to make more visits, but I can't force the guy to go if he doesn't want to.
And yes, I was surprised about the cake thing at the time because that was one of my first interactions with his ex. I guess I really didn't expect anything negative to come out of it, however, now I am more educated in this area - lol
Goforit, I agree with
Goforit, I agree with everything you wrote, right down to plastering the good times all over FB. If they don't like it, they don't have to read it. They are adults...let them take the high road. Some of these adult stepdaughters are a major PITA and really don't deserve our consideration.
True, goforit, and I am
True, goforit, and I am enjoying my life, but you are right...I guess I have been worrying about what they think of me and why they are doing this when I have only tried to be nice. It's really not worth my energy, but I also see how it hurts my DH that we can't just get along. He knows I have tried, and he knows it's all on their end. As far as posting everything we do on FB, yes, that would be a nice dig - lol.