Still feeling angry...
Re-writing my whole SD situation would take me too long, but I have posted in this forum before. If you have a chance to go to my posts, you will see what my situation entails...I just can't seem to get completely over it. My DH and I had a little talk last night, and even though I already know I did not solicit the behavior thrown my way from SD31, he assured me that she, and now SD20, are trying to hurt him by 'blaming me' for his non-actions. Makes sense I guess, but totally unfair. I wanted nothing more than to have a happy blended family, and SD31 proclaimed the opposite by 'assuming' that I was to blame for DH not visiting them more or sending more money to SD20. She even proclaimed that if her husband had children from a prior marriage, 'they would for sure be a part of their lives.' Well, not if they treated her the way she treats me! She is the one who didn't allow DH to walk her down the aisle at her wedding, amongst many other things. When my son got married, my DH was included in everything - guess that shows more class. Anyhow, the issue here is when SD20 visits us or when we are with her, she loves me to death, but when she is with SD31 and BM, I am bashed left and right! I understand she has to live with BM and interacts with her sister (SD31) daily so she probably doesn't want their drama should she choose to say anything nice about me, but this is still difficult for me. I'm just babbling and don't really know what advice I am looking for; thanks for reading... 
Yes, that is the word -
Yes, that is the word - two-faced, but I can understand that she doesn't want to deal with 'their' drama. Even when she sticks up for her dad, she hears about it for weeks!
Of course you can't "get
Of course you can't "get over" the situation, as it is ongoing, and you keep getting hurt by these adult children. As long as you continue to yearn after a happy blended family, which is a bit of an oxymoron in my opinion, you will lay yourself open to heartbreak.
You need to disengage in order to stop the actions of your SKIDs hurting you any more. If they know they can hurt your feelings, they will carry on. Once they LEARN that they CAN'T, no matter what they do, they will give up making the effort and may even treat you with a little more respect. That is the best you can hope for - they will never love you - give up this fantasy, if you are nurturing it.
If you want to read about someone who has dealt effectively with this kind of situation - look at some of the blogs written by StepAside. You can find them by putting her username in the search box up on the right of the screen.
Yes, StepAside is great and
Yes, StepAside is great and has great advice. I have started to disengage recently, after the nasty messages sent to me by SD31, and this morning I just deleted SD20 from my FB as she seems to report things to SD31 - they apparently don't like their father having a 'new' life. I guess all I can say is 'oh well.' Maybe some day they will come around, but I'm not going to surround myself with their negativity anymore. I just don't want to hurt DH's feelings, even though his daughters seem to hurt mine. Thanks for the input.
Yes I agree with the points
Yes I agree with the points made about the YSD's position. When those two-faced times happen, just b sorry for her + avoid for as long as needed. Definitely never see them together. They will ultimately become faintly estranged from each other anyway over the years, by the sound of it, unless external issues bring them together (such as bashing an "outsider"). You'll never stop being vulnerable if u spend time w YSD but u cn ensure u choose the level of impact. If she's smart she'll learn from u.