I gave up after TWENTY SIX YEARS of marriage to a man who treated me second best, if that, and allowed his kids to do the same. Always hoping, always trying, always waiting for change...never came.

Like you, my ex husband has grandchildren who are as dependent, needy, greedy, manipulative and nasty as on of his two sons.

I am now seeing a man with children (yeah, after I said NEVER EVER!) and he is proof that another type of man DOES exist - because I would have told you it didn't.

His kids NEEDS come first, but not their every want. They all treat me wonderfully and I am actually CONSULTED on decisions that will impact my day, my week, my life!

Best of luck to you!

Well 'Sheila...' found one so can you.

I have def felt that way at times. but I stuck around. we have my ss every other week and every other wed to thurs. of course, when he calls and asks for things etc... so I am fortunate bc if I had to deal with the stress of the ss all the time I don't know if we would still be together. IM being honest. a lot of it has to do with not being on the same page-me wanting to actually parent and give consequences to help him grow to be a responsible person, and my dh just taking the easier route, yelling but not enforcing anything. if we were on the same page it wouldn't be as big of a stressor. my dh has the guilt of not having him full time etc. so that influences his decisions. he also thinks hes not here all the time so why make him miserable when he is? ummmmm its called parenting, not torture.

50% of them at least if the stats hold true.

My marriage survived -so far- because I DID give up. I also had been through decades of SD / DH games - SD being obnoxious and vicious most of the time when Daddy wasn't around. DH discrediting me or turning a blind eye when SD's behavior was obvious to me and to all the other people present. When SD finally pulled a melt-down and DH ran out the door, leaving me alone to defend myself against SD and her husband, that was the final nail in the coffin that our marriage had become.

When I asked DH to go to marriage counseling he refused. So I went by myself with the intent of helping myself while gong through the process of divorcing DH. The counselor was wonderful. She told me to go home and make a list of DH's pluses and minuses. I also banned SD from our home until he could inform her in my presence that she is to respect me as his wife - non-negotiable. Later, DH asked me what I was doing, and I said, "Making a plus and minus list to see where this marriage is going." He immediately replied, "Let's talk." He had never uttered these words before. To this day 3 1/2 years later, I still do not know what his motivation was for deciding to work on the marriage, whether it was for his own financial convenience or because he actually loved me. He never again insinuated that I was over-reacting or discrediting me. It took quite a while to get over the hurt and mistrust from DH's lack of support and action but slowly, and without SD's toxicity in my life, our marriage has taken a positive turn.

Sometimes when we are at the very bottom of our lives, we are forced to take risks, and sometimes it's worth it. Life is too short to be miserable and constantly fighting off a barrage of toxicity. It sounds as if your DH is an enabler. HE is the problem. You are going to take a stand or get out of the quagmire. You deserve a happy life. Take whatever path available to make that happen.

I am done. I am planning my escape. I cannot live with someone who not only takes his children's side in every situation but actually allows them to abuse me verbally. Who abuses me verbally himself. I had never dated anyone with children before my husband, other than my children's father. I never will again unless they live on the other side of the country.

Our parenting styles are so different. he takes everything as an attack. If I suggest his son clean up after himself, get a job or anything adult. I am the bad guy. I just don't want to do it anymore. It may take time but I am out of here.

It took me a long long time and I dealt with so much hardship and hate from my SSs. I kept thinking that if I kept trying and I did the right things for them that one day they could see my efforts and we could be family, that never happened. With time things only got worse and I was always to blame. I heard so many things come back to me that I never said or did but by golly in their heads it happened. I have been with my husband now for 25 years and I finally washed my hands clean of it all about 4 years ago.