I haven't been on the site for a while. I re-read some of my posts after being away for about a week and I was shocked . I realized after seeing all the BS I have put up with for years that I HAD no choice but to make a change if I was ever going to be happy so here's what I did. I left my husband after telling him in no uncertain terms that IF and WHEN he wanted to have a mature relationship that was fair to everyone involved I would consider comtinuing our marriage. I told him he had 10 days to think it over and get back to me, BUT he had better be certain of what he wanted before he gave me an answer because I would insist on intense family counseling and his kids would have to be involved in that. Well here I am 4 months later and....
I have a good realtionship with my husband AND a respectful tolerable relationship with his kids! After the first month The counselor looked at my husband and asked "what the hell is wrong with you?". He agreed that my stepsons were egotistical and actually he referred to the younger one a "maniacal"! He told hubby and them that I should get an award for tolerating such behavior and that hubby should laern that telling children(even adult ones)NO is a way to set boundaries and help them grow. Hmmm think Imentioned once to two hundred times.And he called those two boys out on everything! I almost felt sorry for them when he got done with them. I thought for sure I would be divorced as I write this , I thought that hubby would say the counselor was biased against him and his kids as he had once before BUT nope. He got it!!! and we sat down and wrote out a mission staement for our marriage and how to handle the kids and he has stuck to it like glue! Mind you the youngest son has only called twice since then BUT he did come for Christmas and when my hubby saw him manipulting a situation to make me look bad he stood up and told his son to lighten up or leave soemthing he( the son ) had been told in counseling. He actually became tolerable for the rest of the night! So Happy Ending for me. My husband actually said to me last week how happy and proud he he was that I stuck to my guns and "fixed" our family. Bottom line is that I was prepared to move on to a place that I could find happiness if that was what I needed to do. Moral of this story fot those of you struggling through this Quagmire of Step parenting is that by teaching people how to treat you you are doing them just as much benefit as yourself, bacuase boundaries are something everyone should respect. Period. I am glad to be back here and hoepfully my experience will serve as a sign of HOPE for others , Thanks for all your support before. Love you guys!!!