I don't like his kids as much as he seems to like my side of the family
My dh and I have been married for almost 17 years. My dh is a kind and generous man who treats my daughter, and the rest of my family, like his own. He'd do anything for any one of them, and has done many things for them over the years.
The problem is, I don't feel the same way about his adult kids, and I sometimes feel guilty that I don't, but I don't know if there's anything that I can do about it. I've tried to like them a lot, but I just don't.
We're friendly and we get along, and I try to treat them as well as my dh treats the members of my family, but I don't really FEEL IT, if that makes sense. If my dh died and his son and daughter didn't see me often after that, it wouldn't break my heart.
I don't like his grandson at all. I tolerate him, and I treat him the same as my grandchildren, such as giving the same amount of money in a birthday card, etc.
I can't say that I "love" any of them. The most I can feel is "like", and that often wears thin.
I've felt guilty about my lack of feelings for them for a long time, but after reading these forums, it seems like I might not be the only one who feels this way.
Is it normal for one person to feel like this about their spouse's children?
Be civil, be kind. That's all
Be civil, be kind. That's all anyone could ask for
You don't need to love everyone, but kindness and grace are a reflection of you. And maybe this is the way you love them? Differently to your blood relatives, but in your own way.
You sound like a really nice SM. I'd say continue to be just kind and present and I'm sure they appreciate it.
It could be worse, eh? Everyone could be at each other's throats
It was easier to like them
It was easier to like them when I didn't know them very well. Dh's son and daughter are not "bad" people--we just don't have much in common. His daughter is very loud, brash, thinks the world revolves around her, and can be hard to take in large doses, but she'd give you the shirt off her back.
Dh's son is likeable---if you don't have to live with him, which, unfortunately we do, or rather, he lives with us. He's 40 years old, and lives like a slob. I want him out, but now he has a broken leg, so that won't be happening any time soon. (I wrote about that whole fiasco here: http://www.steptalk.org/node/64645#comment-1328776.)
Dealing with him is taking a major toll on our marriage.
I'd give just about anything
I'd give just about anything to be friendly with my step kids at this stage of the game. My SD is just a terrible person. The SSs are good, but one does whatever the SD says so he's become a weenie in my eyes. The third one she hasn't corrupted totally yet so I hold out hope for him. Please don't judge yourself. You're doing great if you can be in the same room with them.
.
.
I totally empathise with you.
I totally empathise with you. I too have a SD and a newly born SGC and like you I have no feelings whatsoever towards them and I have been beating myself up over this wondering whats wrong with me that i can't love them. What this site has shown me is that it is ok to feel like this, i often think there is a massive expectation from society that when we take on someone with kids/grankids we have to love them like our own but in reality this just doesn't happen.
I don't have some of the horror stories that I've read on here about SK's and to be honest my SD isn't really a bad person compared to some, I just have no feelings for her or her newly born child and if i never saw them again i'm not too sure it would bother me.
wow It is nice to know I am
wow It is nice to know I am not alone. I feel the same way about my ysd and new sgc. I am civil and polite and good with the sgc; but, if I never saw them again it wouldn't bother me. The same goes for ss and his child. I get along with them; but there are no feelings for them.
My bride and I have a similar
My bride and I have a similar situation in our extended family relationships. She absolutely adores my family and they think she hung the moon. After all, she puts up with me. }:)
DW was raised in a seriously impoverished household, was a 16yo teen mom, and went on to complete high school with her class and with honors, a dual major BS with honors, an MBA with honors and has a successful career as a CPA. She gets along great with my mom and dad and with my brother and his family.
My ILs on the other hand, I have absolutely nothing in common with and have little use for. They are not bad people. Actually they are very nice. However, they are dumber than a box of nails when it comes to money and could not make a viable financial decision if you wrote the answer on a 2X4 and beat in their sculls with it.
When we visit my ILs it is a never ending redneck drama experience. Who is losing their home to foreclosure, cars to repossession, being hounded by creditors and the IRS, etc.....? It never ends.
Then there is the "check out my new $400 tattoo" discussions intertwined with the "we can't afford to feed our kids will you give us money" crap.
My family accepts my bride (and my skid) as a contributing equity fully adult member of the family. My ILs look at my bride and I as the idiot city dwelling branch of the family who just don’t understand agriculture and the rural agrarian life style.
Other than that they are my DW’s family and she loves them, I have no use for my ILs and would not seek to spend time with them. But…. I like them fine. It is the eternal redneck soap opera that I detest.
For 20 years I tried to like
For 20 years I tried to like SD while she treated me like dog carp on the bottom of her shoe. 3 1/2 years ago I quit faking it and have never regretted it. The odd thing is I love the rest of DH's family, and they feel the same about me. Many of them have been burned by SD, told me they did not like the way SD treated me, and will not allow her in their homes. So, after over 23 years they have become my family. On the other hand, DH has been very patient with my family, some of which are not always nice, especially my mother who can be a handful.
I don't feel anything for my
I don't feel anything for my husband's daughters, or their children.
My husband also likes my family better than his own. He says he prefers to love his family from afar.
About our niece (my sister's daughter), he says, "She's the daughter I never had." She adores him and he has not felt that from his own daughters for a very long time (never, from the oldest).
Not my fault that my family treats him better than his own.
I can't stand his daughter or
I can't stand his daughter or his son. I tolerate them, but do not like them. When they come to see their father they are coming to "my" house. They act as if their father owns the place and I am just visiting. They won't eat anything I cook. Always want daddy to take them out. His daughter will change SGD's diaper on my living floor and just leave the shitty diaper for me to pick up....Yeah I can't stand them......FDH is very kind to my daughter and my family also be they act human...lol