My husband and I are an elderly couple. I have RA. My husband has MS. He is completely paralyzed except for his left arm, and has been confined to a hospital bed for several years. It sounds like a sad situation, but, no, it isn't. We love each other so very very much and are grateful to have each other. We've been married ten years now. I have five adult children from two, long-ago, previous marriages. They like my husband a lot and are happy for us to be so content together. My husband has three adult children. They are NOT happy.

My husband was divorced and lived alone for thirteen years before I came into his life. During those years, his three children lived nearby but seldom visited their father although they were aware that his MS was growing steadily worse and he was becoming more and more handicapped. It was only after I appeared on the scene they discovered they had a deep love for their father.

After we married, we continued to live near his children for more than two years, during which I was given the "treatment." Anything they could do to promote the feeling that THEY were important and I was not, but if I wanted to hang around and take care of their father according to their instructions, well ... it was okay with them. As long as I knew my place and stayed in it. Problem was ... I believed my place was firmly beside my husband as his wife, not hanging around the fringes as his faithful servant. (yes, that's bitterness you hear in my voice.) (long sigh here)

Money was never a factor. My husband and I both owned homes and cars and were debt free when we met. Both of us had a little bit of savings. Actually, I may have had a bit more than he had back then. Thank God there are no big insurance policies waiting in the wings today. I can't be accused of being a fortune hunter. I can only be accused of insanity. Some days I think I just may be. Insane, I mean.

We moved to another state seven years ago, I thought the distance would solve our problems. I was wrong. His children visited just often enough to re-establish who was important and who was not. I was not.

A few months ago, my husband's son forwarded an "innocent" little message from his mother to his dad. It gave the impression they were still a family unit ... mother, father and three children. I was odd man out. I was nothing. That message arrived just as I had finished cleaning up my husband's bed and body after a distressing BM situation. Suddenly, I was through. I was through taking good loving care of a helpless man who worshipped and adored people who were hostile toward me. I was through and I told my husband I was through. It was them or me. He chose me. But did he really? Ah, I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. His children have enormous power and they know it. Wherever they are right this minute, they don't have a worry in the world. They know ... they KNOW ... they have only to call him and he'll crumple.

He sent a letter to his children stating that if he became sick enough to go to the hospital (which happens often with MS) he had instructed me to notify his sister only. Not his children. And if he died, I was to notifuly only his sister. He told them he was forwarding a copy of the letter to his sister so his wishes would be clearly understood. Is that legal? Please God don't let him get sick or die. Because I truly do love him, and also because I'm afraid of the nightmare I'd be left to face. Young strong hostile stepchildren. I'm no match for them anymore.

My husband loves me. But he loves his children more. I understasnd. I love my children more too, but mine aren't tormenting him. I wouldn't allow it if they tried, and, anyway, mine are too kind-hearted to be mean.

I love my husband but I despise his children. And I fear them. I trust my husband, but not enough to believe he will stay loyal to me against his children. Oh, the cruel power they possess.

And so I wait ...