Is it me ( I hope so) please help
So I am currently pregnant and not sure if it is just my situation,but lately having my stepdaughter around is getting harder and harder. In the last two months my husband went from getting his daughter at most 4 times a year to getting her every other weekend and it's stressing me out. Now just so you know she and her mom are hot button issues and no matter what i say or how i say it i am being the evil stepmom and just rude and he tells me if i am making it me or her he will pick her everytime. So now with the extra involvement he gets her fri- sun and he gets her late after work and drops her off sunday late at 6 and its take 2 hours to drive each way. That in its slef is time and money consuming and i honestly get no rest at all. When she is here she is fine to go with me and do things and a normal 6 almost 7 year old that is independent, but when near her dad she has to be held every five second (literally daddy pick me up and hell would freeze twice before he said no). she can let him hug me or do anything without sitting in his lap or whining to be held. If she isnt buying for his attention outwardly then she becomes sullen and withdrawls from us both and leaves the area or room.I honeslty feel like i have to be fake and wake up early (becuase she comes into our room without knocking) and be super nice becasue if i say something wrong both her parents will be on my ass. What can i do to destress short of never being around when she is here?
(and yes i know my issue is no where as difficult as some of the topics i read, but thank you for your help)
Honestly it will get easier
Honestly it will get easier to be around. You do need to talk to DH about his parenting if it bothers you. I would use your pregnancy to make future scenarios you two can talk about with out him feeling the pressure of "having to stand up for his daughter"
Bringing up the new baby and
Bringing up the new baby and how SD is going to handle DH's attention towards another child is the perfect segue for a separate conversation with your SD and your DH.
DH needs to explain to his daughter that showing affection to you and the new baby isn't going to stop the love he has for her. If things are amicable enough between him and XW/BM he can get her onboard by reiterating this. If not, you both can sit down with SD. SD needs to have her fears calmed about being replaced by you (and baby) if you suspect thats an issue too.
Therapy is a suggestion but from what you've said it isn't likely DH will go for it.
Good luck.
uh oh, u sound like me 3+
uh oh, u sound like me 3+ years ago. save yourself and your unborn baby and leave. he will never feel the same for that precious baby that he does for sd, and in the long runt hat will hurt your child.
Most men do not feel that
Most men do not feel that way. Most people love their children equally.
"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"
Hmmm... sounds like my
Hmmm... sounds like my SD.
Every time it's just me and her, she's perfectly fine. She acts like a 9 year old should. She's polite, she LISTENS, she does what she's told to do... she doesn't need to be held on all the time.
When DH is in the picture? She's all over him. Sometimes I forget who is the wife. It's absolutely disgusting. People tell me, "Oh, well she just misses her dad."
Uhmm... no?
My dad was gone all the time because he worked for the coast guard. Sometimes we would see him 3 times a year... once a year was the worst. Did I smother him? No. I hugged him tight, hung out with him all the time... as much as I could. But never did I hang myself all over him to the point where he suffocated. Maybe that's just me... I dunno. And my father never held me, even when I insisted. You know what he said? "You have two legs. Use them." And that was that. Blabb (SD) is nine years old, and DH carries her around like a baby. :barf:
"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss
I empathize with you and
I empathize with you and your problems, but THIS forum is for ADULT stepchildren. Please post to another forum next time, ok?
I believe it was an honest
I believe it was an honest oversight. When creating content the Adult Stepchildren is next to Blended Family category. I almost made the mistake.