Just Tired
My wife and I have been together for the last 12 years. We have a total of 6 kids. She had 3 from a prior relationship and I had 2. We also have a son together who is now 7. The problem is with her oldest son, who is 22 years old. He has always been disrespectful, but a few months ago he went to another level. He told me he was going to f me up. After I gave him a few choice words, I told him to pack his things and leave my house now. He must not have liked what I said because he decided to charge me. After the fight I told my wife to get all his things out of the house. I told her he would not ever be able to return. She has a major problem with this. She feels that I should forgive him. I will not deal with him any more because this is not the first incident and each incident only gets worst. Plus he has not even apoligized. The last time he showed his behind was a few years ago. He came home drunk and destroyed the house. A few weeks ago he jumped on his room mate who is a 22 year old female. This female happens to be my neice. My wife has an excuse for everything he does. She justifies that incident by saying my neice went in his room and stole some money from him. I have told this boy over and over again that you do not hit on woman, but he just does not get it. He is going to wind up hurting someone or someone is going to wind up hurting him. I know one thing it will not be me because I am finished.The only problem is it will probably destroy my marriage.
You need to sit your wife
You need to sit your wife down and calmly tell her how you feel. That her son needs to grow up and be resonsible for himself since he cannot respect you in your house. And if she doesn't back you up, your right it may destroy your marriage. I hate ultimatums, but I'm afraid that is what you are going to have to do. This child is an adult, not a youngster that she needs to take care of. I could see if he was under 18 and she chose him over her marriage, I think most parents would (unfortunately), but he's an adult and if she lets her 22 year old son ruin her marriage, then I think her priorities are all skewed up. I don't blame you at all for insisting that this young adult leave your home once and for all. But be prepared for the outcome! I'm sorry your going through this. Sounds to me you've been more than patient with the situation. She should also realize that this is not a good role model for your younger son. Maybe you can lean heavy on that with her. Good Luck!
I think they should have
I think they should have classes to teach parents how to seperate from the parental roles and get an honest look at the problems with their children.You could've had him arrested for battery so telling him to leave seems more than fair but if your wife can't see that than maybe she has bigger issues than enabling this behavior from him to worry about.It is enevitable sooner or later he will charge and someone else will not care how badly he gets hurt.
Sorry couldn't be more help. good luck.
I have no real answer...but here are my thoughts........
This is a really difficult situation to be in. You have every right to protect yourself if you are threatened/attacked and you have the right to not have this young man in your home if he cannot control himself and his behaviour.
Sounds like his mother is desperate to keep him in her life at any cost. Time to cut that Bio cord and let him grow up. Let's hope she sees the light before it destroys your relationship.
I would be looking at family counselling. Even if the boy won't go, you and your wife can. It's worth a try.
Good luck in your situation.
If he already attacked your niece,
He has demonstrated that he will hit women. How long until he hits your wife? Any chance you could come at it from that point of view? You know - I am concerned for your safety? If she is totally enabling him, it seems to me that type of behavior isn't too far off for this guy.
Unfortunately, he sounds like my son.
The only difference is that I absolutely refuse to put up with that sort of behavior. Your wife is being an enabler. KJW, speaking from experience, it is the hardest thing for a parent to deal with when your child acts like an ass. I love my son very much. But I firmly believe that just making up excuses for his behavior is no different than telling him that it is okay to treat people like sh*t and hit on women. She is also probably in denial to some extent and feeling guilty.
It just isn't easy no matter what. I want the best for my son and he just doesn't seem to want to do anything but make up excuses why he can't do things. At one point I even told him, "I know what you can't do, now can you tell me what you can do."
I feel for you. I hope that your wife wakes up.
Georgie