Married adult stepdaughter is so jealous of me
I have dated her dad for two years and have spent much time with her over those years. I have always been polite and kind when around her. Made sure to give her gifts on the two birthday's she's had since I've known her, helped her move, etc. I have created zero drama. However, she literally unfriended me on Facebook the same day that her dad told her we were engaged. (She knew it was coming, there was no surprise) We told our kids before we told anyone else.
He texted her that day asking why she unfriended me and she ignored his text. Finally a full month later he went to visit her. I was out of town so it was a good time for him to see her face to face and ask. Her excuses are as follows:
1. "I feel like I'm being replaced"
2. "I don't know her"
3. Fake sobbed for about 3 minutes.
All of which he calmly denied.
That's it in a nutshell. Which means she's simply jealous of her dad's happines and wants to keep being the "wife".
She is miserable, manipulating, and a thief(I've known of 3 occasions when she purchased things behind her husbands back enraging him beyond belief) and can't stand the fact that her dad may spend money and time on me. She has never bought me a gift (birthdays/holidays) yet gifts are EVERYTHING to her. She is so materialistic. Enough is never enough.
And that excuse of "I just don't know her" is a blatant lie. How can you get to know your future step-mother by unfriending her within minutes of finding out she's engaged to your dad?!
I honestly believe that she will never like me and I honestly don't care. I just hate it for him. He doesn't deserve this crap from his adult daughter. She's creating a huge drama-filled hole between us and their relationship is going to suffer greatly and it will be completely her fault.
Well, to some degree, he
Well, to some degree, he created this. He managed to somehow convey to her throughout her life that she had "wife" status with him, so that she feels "replaced". That's on him - so don't feel too sorry for him. In a healthy father-daughter relationship, she wouldn't see a new partner as a rival for his affection. She might be worried about other issues, but not "being replaced". So now he's reaping what he's sown with having an unhealthy relationship with her.
Oh, I agree totally. He knows
Oh, I agree totally. He knows their relationship is toxic and it's his fault and his ex's who is a robot who stays on autopilot with her daughter's drama. I think I'm making him see it but I've got to keep him understanding her behavior is unacceptable and that he needs to love her from afar and keep her drama at an arms length.
^What Tog said. My DH
^What Tog said. My DH conveyed "wife" status onto ss33 and he acted the exact same way when he learned we were getting married. I was really shocked and didn't understand for awhile. But it makes sense, DH was without a spouse for 10 years and made ss his confidant, moved him in, supported him aka enabled him. Basically treated him like a wife rather than a grown azz man who should be living his own life. ss is still screwed up and "helpless" over this dynamic, only now it's transferred to BM. I get annoyed with ss when he starts drama but I know that DH was the source cause.
Oh, my SD sobbed and begged
Oh, my SD sobbed and begged her dad not to marry me. She told him that SHE would take care of him since she was just sure that he was marrying me so that he wouldn't be alone.
He set her straight that we did in fact love each other. She sobbed about that too.
I stay out of their codependent drama until it affects me, and my DH has learned that he can be married to his daughter or to me, but not both. He acknowledges giving her WAY too much power in his life, and he's paying the price. It's relatively drama free after 15 years of marriage.
Oh yes
We must have the same SD!
Its pathetic that these DD's see us as competition. We have our DH's to thank for that.
OP make sure your DH deals with any crap that comes your way. SD needs to learn her place in daddys life, as his daughter not his wife. Only in her mind she is being replaced. Sounds like the princess needs therapy.
You are absolutely right and
You are absolutely right and yes, she needs counseling. And she knows it. She admits she has issues yet still make no efforts to change.
He told her that he and I will not tolerate any drama, at all! It was a veiled warning to stop this crap before it gets any uglier.
When they admit they have
When they admit they have issues, they are trying to remain childlike and keep the fathers engaged. Nothing more.
My SD
I came into SD59's life when she was 11, not an adult like yours. She feels the same although doesn't express it overtly. She never got over DH remarrying. After too many episodes to relate, I have disengaged and am gray rock with her.
But surprisingly, last week, I was glad to see her for a change. She came to do yardwork with DH83. He had been talking non-stop all day so when she walked in, I said, "Your main job today is to listen to him". She laughed, told me I was off-duty and did listen to him for about 2 hours. I guess what Im saying is that altho your SD is a huge pain, you will probably be able to count on her as he ages..
Rags is right...this mess is
Rags is right...this mess is NOT what healthy families look like. THIS is nuts...
SO has the power to fix it or dump it.
Although this is highly dysfunctional, it seems to be the "norm"
with these "mini-wives." An emotionally healthy adult would not see themselves as being "replaced" when dad decides to move on with his life, become engaged, and marry.
Studies have proven time and time again the more educated and beautiful you are, the more the jealousy/green monster rages inside these girls. They'd honestly rather see daddy pine away for them, and die old, alone and lonely than to see them happy. Now that is just S-I-C-K.
It's important to remember their sick dance of dysfunction was in place WAAAAY before you entered stage left. They have been doing "thier normal" probably all of her life. Daddy is largely responsible for this, and I think things like "Daddy/Daughter Dances" and such creates a lot of this. Note: I am not prejucicially grouping all fathers and daughters here, obviously, but you can understand what I am conveying.
Similarly all the fairy tales about the "evil step-mother" are engrained in many from a very early age. I mean, try if you will, to think of ONE PERFECTLY NORMAL BLENDED FAMILY SCENARIO, Brady Bunch, Carol Brady excluded. There really are none. Not in literature, movies, plays. It's like our cultural dirty little secret. We are often viewed as "sloppy seconds" (or thirds, or fourths) by these emotionally stunted girls, who crave daddy's presence, presents, and affection.
Most men will not stand up to their daughters, because they've been manipulated by them for so long they can't see the dysfunction in all of it. If you point it out, then you become the enemy, and it seems to push them closer together. They bond through their sick co-dependent relationship.
Just know it is not you. She's the one with the problem, and she's crying out for daddy's attention.
Well since i am more educated and attractive compared to
Bio mum and skids, that explains their animosity towards me and my kids (who are mixed ethnicities) and constantly thinking they can put me in a lowly place until hubby shut sd's up.
i have noticed my asian sd's piling on the white makeup suddenly after 1st meet and super high heels to appear like me a western eurasian woman and over the top dressing for our casual outings then trying to direct attention at them how dressed up they are to which hubby ignores and falls on deaf ears...
people who aren't confident in their own skin will always try to act they are better than everyone else
Confidence whispers, but insecurity screams...you are spot on.
They were jealous from the beginning.
Imitation is the best form of flattery, remember that.
Yup and you’ll see when my ils make comments like
Oh sds are white just like you and they have this smug look on their face when all i see is a shitload of talcum powder on their brown face and their arms are like 20 shades darker, or when hubby said sd13 was as tall as me but was wearing slippers that had heels that were like 20cm tall while i was wearing flats
again they had this smug look. But their mum has always tried to one up people like you have 2 kids, well she has 3, yours go to college well hers went to university etc. its so pathetic. Hubby knows he didn't get a fake for a wife...he didn't get ripped off like skids and exwife
i have noticed my asian sd's
I lived in an area heavily populated by Asians, specifically Japanese, and this seemed to be the norm with most of the women. Culturally in their view, it's better to be fair skinned and light than dark and most of the women wore impossibly high heels. Funny that all the white women were trying to get tanned. I think it's the whole you want what you don't have thing.
In my case sd’s weren’t like this before and after meeting
Me changed drastically to behaving that way
In my case sd’s weren’t like this before and after meeting
Me changed drastically to behaving that way
Thank you. You're right. He
Thank you. You're right. He seems to have a hard time standing up to her manipulation however with me pointing it out to him, it seems to be becoming clearer to him.
I have been married to my husband for 6yrs almost
And have 2 kids with my husband. My ss22 repeatedly tells hubby he is entitled to shun me in our marital home and treat me like crap because i am a stranger including my kids (his half siblings).
sd25 boohoo last year claimed to hibby he had abandoned them for me and our 2 young kids when they were the idiots who ended contact with their dad about 6.5 yrs prior.
my husband told off sd25 late last yr i am his wife and she better never answer me back or think for a second she has a say in how my kids are raised as she isn't a mum and i am the expert and hubby will 100% side with me.
she has been no contact since then
My adult SD said the same
My adult SD said the same thing, that she felt like she and her brother were being replaced when I came into the picture with four kids. My husband told her that we were an addition to the family. She still gets her little digs in from time to time, though, mainly through ignoring me or making a comment about her mother. But sometimes she's very nice to me, too. It's always so hot and cold with her that I have started backing away and letting her make the first moves toward me. Her brother is more polite but doesn't make much effort to get to know me either. The most I have been doing is sending gifts to the grandkids at birthdays and holidays since I feel like I might have more of a chance with them.
Nikki
Its good to be optomistic
BUT dont count on having a great relationship with the grands. I am sure mommie dearest (BM) and SD will eventually mold the grands to treat you as they see you "invisible". My step grand, at this point, is good with me. She is young. I am not getting attached, SD makes sure DH and I have very little time with her. Also I am sure when she is older SD and BM will influence the grand against me. Thats how they roll. Be wary. Although, like you I still do gifts for the step grand . I will stop though when she is older if she starts treating me poorly. Cynical way to think, but in stephell this is how it goes. Always protect your heart!
It gets worse
Your story sounds like mine in the beginning when I still stayed with my boyfriend or partner. It became so bad and in the end, I move out as she repeatedly stole money and went through my personal things, and when she sees something new she is ANGRY and has to have the same thing if it was a present by DH (boyfriend). One day I locked our bedroom door as it got too much and there was such a BIG scene, drama, fight about that, and how I dared to lock our or her DAd's bedroom door as this was her safe place since she was a little girl. SHE IS 28 YEARS OLD!! He got angry at me too as she made his day a living hell with all the drama about the locked door. Since I moved out I left e otherwise the packing each weekend feels too much. We went o holiday for a week and I packed the toiletries, cosmetics, shampoo, and conditioner that is at his house to take with. My hair started breaking in heaps, hands full, it went lighter and severely chemically damaged. I am sitting here thinking this sounds crazy. He is angry at me for even thinking about it. My hair has to grow out of this and not even a hair cut can save this. the damage wat a jealous rage or these types of SD can do is scary. It will never change. It will never just be normal. He will never take your side or do the bare minimum which is to protect you against this evil wickedness even if he sees it. I don't know how he looks at me and my thinned out half portion broken hair and be ok with it. Your belongings, privacy, personal space, life has no value here. I feel he is just as responsible. I keep NOTHING there anymore and after this assault on my hair, I don't feel safe to go there even during weekends.