Need advice about dealing with unrealistic expectations from the in-laws
Is it unrealistic for my MIL to expect me to fork over my hard earned money to pay for health insurance for SS19 who hasn't lived with me in over a year? SS19 has absolutely no "maternal" feelings for me and as far as he is concerned, I am a close friend of the family (his words, not mine). As far as my HR is concerned, he doesn't meet the criteria as my dependent.
To complicate matters, my DH was disabled about 3 years ago and is attending college as he was unable to continue his previous profession due to his injuries. The BM "retired" at 35 and hasn't paid a dime of CS since. My MIL continually pesters me to pay for things for my SS19 as she knows it is fruitless to talk to the BIOs. For once, I wish she would nag DH and BM to get jobs and support their own offspring and would leave me the h*** out of this.
If you have any advice on how to diffuse this situation without doing further damage to the relationship between my MIL and FIL, I would really appreciate it. I haven't spoken to my MIL since the last conversation we had on this topic as she was incredibly nasty to me. I really can't believe she is starting this cr*p again.
Why are you letting a nasty
Why are you letting a nasty person browbeat you? Just say no.
This is not your child, not your responsibility and this is not even a CHILD. It's a grown ass adult that you owe NOTHING to.
You stated that your MIL is "incredibly nasty" to you. So WHY IN THE HELL do you care what this POS orders you to do. Tell her to fuck off.
What realtionship are you going to hurt? This woman is already treating you like shit.
edited to add: I am grandma age so I am speaking of my generation. Just because we are old does not mean you have to put up with crap from this generation.
Of course it's an
Of course it's an unreasonable expectation. He's a fucking adult. If MIL is so freaking worried, she should pay for it her damned self.
What is WITH these crazy grandmas!
Why are you worried about
Why are you worried about damaging the relationship with someone that obviously doesn't care about having a good relationship with you? It is totally unreasonable and I'd personally tell MIL SS is an adult and not my responsibility and refuse to discuss it any further. Yes she's your MIL, but that doesn't give her the right to be nasty and it doesn't mean you have to deal with her crap.
The world has gone mad. It
The world has gone mad. It puzzles me that your MIL would even think it is ok to suggest you pay for his health insurance. And here you are, the normal person, trying to decline in a way that won't make trouble. Yet there she goes, putting pressure on you, with not a fucking thought of how it makes you feel. These situations give me the shits no end.
If I were in your shoes, and presuming I wanted to keep the peace, I would say I could not afford these types of things because your son (DH) has not been able to work for 3 years and things are getting quite tight.
In my realty however, I got sick of the bitch MIL thinking I had to pay for all SO's 3 kids things whilst getting treated like shit and stopped talking to the woman altogether. We have not spoken since September last year. It does make it a little complicated though, the not talking thing, but if someone's nasty and unfair, what's the point of having them in your life.
And further add that you have
And further add that you have no legal responsibilities towards him and he cannot be recognized as your "dependent" because he isn't. Advise her that as his grandmother, however, she does have some legal ties to him - so she needs to consider picking up the tab if she is so concerned.
Then tell her to fuck off.
I have told my in-laws
I have told my in-laws ^^^THIS^^^ on more than one occasion and they are still pushing to have a telephone conference between the 4 of us (DH, MIL, FIL, and myself) to discuss the "benefits to SS19" of me paying for his health insurance. Sure, I understand it is a great benefit to SS19 because duh, HE DOESN'T HAVE TO PAY FOR IT!!! Do they take me for an idiot?!?
wowthisishard - that is
wowthisishard - that is brilliant!