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What drama will they cause next?

SLands's picture

My (F46) soon to be FIL died in December and we're having the memorial service this weekend. I'm getting more and more anxious as it gets closer because I guarantee there will be drama. The SKids (SD26 & SD32) didn't speak to DH for 8 months, abandoned their grandparents (didn't even call grandparents to wish them happy thanksgiving when he was on his deathbed-horrible little witches...) When grandpa died SD26 made up with DH but SD32 still hasn't been heard from. Then she forced our nephew to exclude DH from his 21st birthday which I believe has put the nail in the coffin for a relationship with SD32. SD32 has lied to SD26 about her role in the birthday drama so that's created tension again with the younger one. It never ends but I think DH may have taken the cure in the older one now.

 

DH's aunt organized the funeral this weekend and invited both skids and BM. (We actually get along w/BM most of the time.) We had notified skids about the funeral but weren't going to expressly encourage them to come because it is not the place for their tantrums. (DH's mom is nuts and dramatic, his family is huge and crazy, and the aunt is pushy-this is going to be a volatile situation and we don't need those two causing trouble! Plus they obviously don't care anything about their grandparents so why don't they just stay away?!?) We thought SD32 wouldn't come but we heard that she may. I think we need to tell BM to tell her to behave and not start anything or not to come-let her deal with her. DH and I have agreed to throw out either skid if they misbehave. It would be hurtful if that had to happen at his father's funeral but I'm glad DH isn't taking their crap any more. I'm going to insist that his pushy aunt not stick her nose in and stir it up this weekend also. (His family is...a lot...and I've taken it upon myself to make demands and require things of them. If any of them don't like it, they can hit the road. I get all the crap, have to put up with the skids and care for the elderly parents and do all the work, so I don't suffer in silence anymore. And his parents have been A LOT! His mother is crazy and has a mean streak-she got nasty with DH once and I threw her out of our house. She doesn't pull that crap anymore. Next will be the skids! That's been the best thing for me was to stand up to DH's family, set boundaries and give orders. Being the 2nd wife and without kids with DH, families tend to treat us like 2nd class citizens. Don't put up with it!)

 

 

JRI's picture

Sounfs like it wll be eventful.  You appear to be able to stand up for yourself, if it were me, I'd be having my back spasms that day and unable to go.  Lol.  Please let us know how it goes.

WaffleZone's picture

I would hope they'd have enough respect at a funeral, my goodness!

 

You sound very strong to have dealt with so much.

CajunMom's picture

I say that but yet.....knowing DHs kids and what the oldest SD did at her mom's funeral a few years ago....none of it surprises me. Funerals and weddings are always "perfect" for toxic behaving people. All I can say is....gather your strength and put a flask in your purse filled with your favorite adult beverage.

The funeral I mentioned: I was invited but refused to attend. After all, funerals are for paying your respects to the dead and their family. I had/have zero respect for BM or her kids. With my stand, DHs oldest daughter decided to tell everyone "how' to behave when my DH got there. So proud of one cousin who told her ass off...."I'm an adult. You of all people will NOT tell me how to behave at a funeral." Turned and walked off, leaving Nutter daugthter standing there. I'm so glad that news got back to me. LOL

Good luck.

TheAccidentalSM's picture

This is borrowed from Aniki's SS's MIL.

When MIL knew that SS's mother was a crazy trouble maker, she enlisted (pun intended) an ex-military member of her extended family to manage the woman.  This avoided any confrontation with close family and when she started to act up he quickly and quietly escorted off the premises.

Rags's picture

I agree with you and he holding attendees accountable for compliance with respectful funeral decorum.  In situations where there is a liklihood of ill behaved attendees, I am a proponant of having a security guard or, better yet, an off duty uniformed LEO present to keep things in check and to remove any ill behaved individuals when neccessary.

Do not hesitate to have perpetrators or drama escorted out.

Generally these things rarely go as badly as they might when there is a questionable attendee to consider. I truly hope that is the case with your DFs father's service.

SLands's picture

Went to the memorial service today. Big lunch at a restaurant following. 2 SDs came-older one never spoke to us and sulked. Ex wife was there with her mom and dad (so ex MIL and FIL.) DH's aunt made a slide show of FIL...and included a wedding picture with the ex!! She had cropped some of the ex out and zoomed in on the skids, but it was still obvious what it was and who it was. Ex was in a few other pictures too but seriously?!? Their wedding picture?!! We're supposedly getting married this fall (been together 10 years) and I'm seriously considering either calling it off or refusing to let most of his family come. They are horrible, disrespectable people and I don't want my first wedding day ruined. DH is mad at ME for being mad about it....I think I'm done

Stepdrama2020's picture

This is just an appetizer of what married life will be like . They amplify their shittiness even more after a wedding.

Toxic shitheads like your DH,s family will use any occassion to "get to you".

Expect life to continue as such. You can uninvite, disengage  and things may get better. Please know kind lady that even with boundaries in place the toxic boundary crashers will always try, especially if you have a DH that doesnt acknowlege the shit they throw your way.

Truly wishing a life of peace for you. Step life is more like a mine field, so watch your step.

CLove's picture

You can be hypervigilant all you want, untangle the skein of their disfunction, be prepared, have boundaries enforced by the special forces, and still there will always be something that slips by and POW - gut punch.

The thing is, its all doable if your partner has your back and is supportive of you. You cant fight them and him too.

Whats your status?

ImperfectlyPerfect's picture

Yes. If you're unsure about marrying and you've been there 10 years - really consider if you want to get further involved. Right now you've got a great situation (in my opinion) where you are not tethered to the extended family. Unless there's some extremely good reason for marrying, why change the status?