Pandemic and Moving
Hello all, I just want to pick your brains about something. My husband asked me my thoughts about going to help his daughter move who lives 4 hours away. She has several young people helping her. Her current rental lease ends in June or July. The landlord for the new place wants the place rented by May 10, so she wants to move now so she doesn't lose the place. The new place is about an hour from where she currently lives. My DH is a healthy older person, however, I am concerned about covid19. I did share with him my thoughts, but he didn't care for it not one little bit. I told him that I think he should stay home since SD does have people to help her, and to think about his health and the health of others during this time. Maybe she can stay at her current place a little longer since she has a good tenant/landlord relationship. What do you think? Thanks in advance.
Welcome to the site!
Of course he shouldn't do it. We are supposed to be selling our home and buying another - we should have exchanged contracts by now, but it's all ground to a halt amid the UK lockdown - no removals firms are operating. DH shouldn't go and help his daughter - it sounds like she has ample help already and plenty of "healthy older people" catch the virus and some die. Our Prime Minister nearly did - he was in Intensive Care for a week. But like Stepmom said, these men and their "little girls" - SMDH.
Make him call her and
Make him call her and actually ASK her if she wants his help. My guess would be that she says no. If she already has able-bodied friends to help she might not want her dad in the middle of it all, trying to supervise...
I don't understand these
I don't understand these parents that help their adult kids move after the first "big" move out. Young adults can take the beating of a rogue lounger smacking them in the leg and buckling their knee. There is zero reason for the parents to be there to help move.
If he wants to help (because I can see wanting to help because you're a parent and that's just a thing you want to do), then he could offer to pay for part of the U-Haul or supply the pizza. His DD would be grateful, and he can feel useful. But going is only going to put him in danger and probably stress out SD.
So try that approach. Tell him to cover the U-Haul or pizza, and he can send a case of wine as a housewarming present after. Maybe that will quell his internal struggle.
First of all, she lives 4
First of all, she lives 4 hours away and has people to help her. I can't imagine driving 4 hours just to help someone move (when they already have help). I can't imagine anyone asking me to, it doesn't make sense.
Second, if Baby Girl is old enough to live on her own, she is old enough to figure out the logistics of moving. Daddy doesn't need to swoop in and save the day.
When everything calms down, he can go visit her in her new place. Like lieutenant_dad said, if he wants to help, he can do it another way.
It's strange what some
It's strange what some consider weird. My dad has helped me move several times. We are hardly enmeshed and I haven't been "dependent" on him since I was a very young teenager. He has a truck and he likes to help when he can... (He's also helped his adult sons whenever they have moved).
It doesn't say the SD asked for her dad's help or that she even expects it. He wants to help his kid during a very stressful time. Not weird at all imho. If the moving helpers wear masks, I don't see a huge risk.
I suppose it all depends on
I suppose it all depends on how serious they are about the lockdown where you live. If he tried to do that here, he'd be stopped by the police, sent home and fined.
ETA - This would happen because helping someone to move isn't considered essential.
I don't think it's
I don't think it's necessarily weird, my dad has helped my sister move, but he didn't have to drive 4 hours to do it, during a pandemic, when she already had plenty of help.
Not weird
I agree...Definitely not weird! The pandemic has changed a lot of things. What we normally would be quick to do, we need to rethink it and how it can affect yourself and others.
Thank you for Affirmations and Encouragement
Thank you, thank you, thank you for the welcome and allowing me to pick your brains. You shared some ideas that I'm going to mention to DH. DH tried to flip the topic and put it on me by saying that I always have a problem with him going to see his daughter. That's a lie! I stood my ground and focused on what is going on in our world right now. He apologized for saying it afterwards. Why get upset when he said he knew what I was going to say before he asked my thoughts about the whole thing. Geesh!
Ummm. No. Isolation is
Ummm. No. Isolation is isolation. The fact that DH is considering this is alarming.
smh
SD will have dual rent for two months regardless so she can lease the new place and remain in the old until her lease on the old place is up. Then she can move. Two more months in the old place won't hurt her and could make a huge difference in the status of the Covid crisis to make it easier for SD to move even without the aid of her aging father.
it'd be more useful if he
it'd be more useful if he paid a month or two of rent..
Who's he?
Who's he?
Daddy didn't sign either lease apparently. So.... why should he pay? This is an adult kid. The kid needs to live the choice.
IMHO of course.
I meant if daddy is hell bent
I meant if daddy is hell bent on "helping" his princess at this time, paying a bit of rent would be a sight more useful than driving 4 hours there, four hours back and probably just being in the way ...
Ahh ha!. Thanks. I get it
Ahh ha!. Thanks. I get it now.
Yes, if daddy wants to help, it is much safer to cut a check than expose himself to uneccesary risk.