Sick of adult step daughters and son

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Just came home from a family vacation. Was reminded all week that this is a "Smith" family vacation and this is what we do. I'm 44 and have a few ideas of my own for when I've been able to take off work and go on vacations. They don't want to hear any of it, they have a schedule they have been going by the last 15 years. The grandparents choose the condo, we don't all share (one for them, one for the brother and his kids and one for us and our kids) there is usually 12-13 of us. The condos are ridiculously priced with granite counters and fancy living quarters. I've never spent $3200 on a room for a week! The grandparents pay for dinners (in which we must all attend) at exactly 4:30pm and we pay for one and the divorced brother pays for one. Usually runs about $350. I took my 2 year old granddaughter this time and if it wasn't for her having a blast on the beach I would have taken a flight home by Wednesday. My husband was texted constantly from his 23 year old daughter in the other room that we needed to do such and such and do it all together as it always has been. When we were not together she text him asking if he would be joining his family? I texted her that I am his family also and we would not be joining them tonight. No word back. During a family picture I was asked by mother in law to stand on end just incase this marriage didn't work so I could be cropped out of picture, yes, this is a family joke, I'm wife number 4. and the other son has been married a few times also. The daughter (engaged and living with fiancé) constantly texts dad (my husband) all day and night, from good morning to are you at work safely are you home, what are you having for dinner and then of course good night and the I love you more no i love you more etc. I get so annoyed! Is this normal? Am I just being petty and need to just worry about myself? My husband has a lot of guilt from working shift work as a cop and his mom and dad practically raising his kids so the word no has never been used. Please help!!

Gee 'MizFoxie' how did you

Gee 'MizFoxie' how did you know exactly what I was thinking?

So far each time I bring

So far each time I bring these things to surface, he's open to change. And I do see progress. Lots of it. However, the daughter thing has me more walking on egg shells, I don't want to ever come between a parent and kid but come on this is ridiculous!

"Is this normal?" Hard to

"Is this normal?" Hard to say what 'normal' really is, but in my opinion what you went through sounded like 'Meet the Faulkers' only this could be a funnier sequel. Sorry, I had to laugh at the absurdity of it all and MIL's comment for you to stand on the end for the picture taking. LOL Are the grandparents paying the $3200? If not, next year make sure you get vacation time that is not convenient for the family vacation. Then take your half of the $3200 and have some real fun on your own. How long have you been married to DH? I agree with MizFoxie. Put your foot down. Not much to lose if DH or the "Smiths" doesn't like it.

the problem is...is that it

the problem is...is that it is "Their normal"...and that is why it probably hasn't worked out for him number 4...really? it sounds like they expect it not to work out...usually people get what they expect...What do YOU expect? sounds like scene from runaway bride...when all the surrounding family jokes about her failed attempts to marry someone..when in reality "It isn't funny"....

sounds like the culture they have created..steeped in tradition is what they are clinging onto with all their might...(not a chance in haites to move forward)

Sounds like daughter is definitely mini wife, and sits in your seat of authority whenever she pleases (no boundaries there)...

All you can do is own your "role" as his wife....the challenge is how we choose to define that role, and how our dh's think of us in that role...

A paradygm shift in thinking on your part will either put you at the head or land you at the tail side of things....you are not just number 4 wife..you are his present and only wife...at this moment...your vows are a sacred contract that you and him have with each other to start fresh and new from this day forward....and how exclusive you choose to make that relationship ( because, truth is...you and him are one...EVERYONE else exists outside of your "us" space...but it is going to take boundaries...lots of boundaries...being proactive....lots of proactive..(that's all they did on the vacations...was took the proactive approach and pre-planned first...If you would have already had plans...there would not have been time for some of the shenanigans...

The picture incident? I would have retorted "Well since we have vowed to be committed to each other for the rest of our lives...I think I will take my proper place and stand beside right my husband where I belong...thank you.

you need to display some self respect...Once I started standing up for myself in my marriage..my DH quickly came around and started seeing things from my point of view...it took so long because I took so long to stand up for me....

It's your journey...it's your marriage...it's your personhood....

you are absolutely right

you are absolutely right skeeter...I couldn't see it clearly until I totally disengaged for a time also...I can sense the freedom you have from your posts and it is so refreshing to see someone else breaking free from all the delusional thinking that got us in this mess to begin with....

Thanks for sharing....

Wow! Thank you so much for

Wow! Thank you so much for you wisdom! I'm standing my ground on many things, especially the point of we are one and I take my vows to heart.

It's all a bunch of bs !!!

I've read of families who go

I've read of families who go to the same lake/ocean side "cabin" for 50 years.

What a waste of time. When we travelled by horse and wagon and there was no A/C in the city it made sense but now you can travel the world in the time it took to get from NYC to the Catskill mountains.

Tell him no thanks from now on and take your own vacation, you're not attached at the hip. Let them have "wife number 5 chuckle" while they buy their $400 dinners.

Daughter is being "mini wife"

Daughter is being "mini wife" and I feel your pain. I recommend a vacation from your vacation. If DH doesn't want to go with you on some trips, w/o his family, you might want to go with a good friend or close family member on your side. His "family vacation" sounds exhausting.

Enjoy your time as #4 it

Enjoy your time as #4 it won't be long until #s 5-X start cycling though. Your DH has yet to cut the cord and quit sucking on mommies tit. How old is this husband of yours? Hopefully you are cougar and this guy is like 20 or something. I am being a smart ass. I know he has a 20s daughter.

Wow! Talk about failure to launch.

You are in a tough situation with this. I understand. My ILs have a time share and history is that all of their spawn and grandspawn show up for the time share week. I have never been and will never go. Not my thing. My wife goes ever few years or so though.

I make sure to send my bride to visit her family a few times per year and I go with her once every few years or so. We visit my family more frequently only because we have far more in common with my clan than hers. And.... my bride and my mother are basically BFFs and my bride and my dad are buddies.

One thing is for sure and that is we take far more vacations sans extended family than we do with either of both sides of the extended family. My ILs are good people though their interests are not mine in the least. I won the parent lottery with my parents. My brother and his clan are incredible too. But ..... a dictated fixed location vacation every year is not something I would tolerate even with my own family.

Good luck with this one. I hope you and DH can keep his wife count stable at #4.